Controversial Disbelief

FYI - You may disagree with what I'm about to say here, but I'm posting it because it's been on my mind all evening. I am open to comments and your point of view if you'd be willing to share.

This evening my father reported to me that a local church would not be hosting Christmas day church service; therefore, we would not be following the tradition of attending Christmas Eve service at this particular church. I wasn't sure how to respond. I was speechless and lost in the thoughts that flooded my mind. A Christian church not having service on Christmas day??? I stood in disbelief, not sure whether to be angry or let it slide. 

Later, there was discussion on the radio with listeners' comments about churches cancelling church services Christmas day. There were comments both approving and disapproving. I didn't listen long in my less than 5 minute drive, but I did hear two comments that got me thinking.

1. God doesn't call for organized religion. He calls for a relationship with Him. Without a church service worship can be done in a family setting Christmas day.

2. Christ is the reason we celebrate, and the Christian church was formed because of belief in Christ. Therefore, the church should take advantage of the opportunity to corporately celebrate His birth.

I personally, believe that cancelling church on Christmas is absolutely ridiculous. The whole reason I attend church is because I believe in the birth, death, and resurrection of Christ. I feel that it is a privilege that Christmas falls on a Sunday this year, and I want nothing more than to attend church and worship the Lord with other believers on this very important day in history. The day my Savior was born, the very reason my life has purpose and meaning. 

Just last weekend I asked my parents how Christmas would work this year hoping they would say that they planned to attend church on Sunday morning. My mom responded by saying we'd attend Christmas Eve service somewhere as usual as well as on Sunday. She later told me we'd need to figure out when we will open gifts. Either we wake up extra early and open them before church or we wait until after church. My response was that it didn't matter to me, as long as we have Christmas breakfast and attend church :)

My thoughts may not be well written, or you may disagree with me. But please, whatever your thoughts are, let's not forget the true reason for the season. It's not about spending tons of money or opening that gift you been waiting months to hold in your hand. Honestly, while it's fun to be with family, even family isn't why we celebrate. CHRIST is the reason for Christmas, and HE is the best give we could ever be given. 

Bursting at the Seams

I cannot even begin to express the churning of my heart at this moment. Since completing the November Gratitude Challenge, my eyes have been opened even further to the blessings the Lord has poured out upon my life. I cannot even begin to give the appropriate thanks that HE deserves. I want to scream it from the mountaintops that Jesus is Lord. I want others to love Him the way that I do. I desire that my life be a reflection of the one true God. 

Recently I purchased the Hillsong Spanish CD that was released on November 1 of this year. It's amazing how many of the songs have sparked something within me. Normally on a CD I enjoy a few of the songs, but on this CD every single song gets me. I've been in tears a few times listening to the album. The one that keeps playing through my head currently is has a phrase that goes something like this, "Dios hazme transparente. Refleja en mi tu amor que toda gloria sea solo para ti." (In English: God, make me transparent. Let your love reflect in me so that all glory is only for You.) Yesterday, throughout the day, this phrase along with other lyrics from the song were vibrating from my lips. I caught myself many time whispering these words or thinking on them and then altering my actions or spoken words to reflect just what the song was reminding me to do. 

I love that when I ask friends in Peru how they are doing they respond with a truthful response, and then add that "Gracias a Dios" or "pero Dios tiene el control." Meaning "thanks to God" or "...but God is in control." I think for some of them it is said out of routine, others are truly grateful to the Lord. Either way, I see this response as surrender and reverence to the Lord. I love that they acknowledge the Lord's work in their lives and their need for His divine intervention. Too often, I "forget" that without God, I am nothing, and I get an attitude that I'm fine on my own. 

I desire that every breath I take, every word I speak, and every activity in which I participate be an opportunity for me to demonstrate the love of the Lord. I desire that my life be a life of complete human abandonment and total surrender to Jesus. I want to be consumed by the Creator. I will not settle for anything less!

I Stand in Awe

At the beginning of this month, I was given a challenge by more than one person to write a daily Facebook post of 3 things I'm grateful for at the end of each day. I didn't start it right away because despite my addiction to Facebook (for the reason of communicating with Peruvian friends), I don't prefer to do posts every single day. However, after about the third or fourth time being given this challenge, I decided to take it on and see what happened.

At first the challenge was easy. I didn't have any problem coming up with three things to be grateful for. I mean it's obvious, I have a great family, wonderful friends, a job I enjoy, more things than I really need, and add to that the love of the Father, and I'm covered. What more could I ask for? I began the challenge using up the obvious thanksgivings. However, I soon realized that those obvious things, only lasted a few days, and I found myself struggling to come up with new ideas. I also realized on the days I had great days with little complaints, it was much easier to be grateful than on the days that things didn't go exactly as I had planned. 

Needless to say, I have learned a lot this month in the way of thanksgiving, and I'm excited to continue the lists for the remainder of the month.

I'm in awe of the goodness the Lord has poured out upon me. He's given me way more than I deserve, and the opportunities He's presented to me are far greater than I ever would have imagined for myself. 

I am amazed that God would choose me, a sinner from a small town in northern Indiana, to spread His word and minister through living life side by side with Peruvians on the other side of the equator. Even though I have been there only about a total of 8 months, the impact Peru made on my heart will never be forgotten, and I pray that is true of my impact in Peru. I stand in worship and gratitude for God's goodness in providing money to send to Peru for the Oasis Christmas Outreach. I never imagined that after a week, the church would have given 3/4 of the money needed, and we still have 3 weeks left!! I'm grateful that even though I am physically distant, I am still able to help the Peruvian children and my Peruvian "family" that are dear to my heart.

I'm in awe of the one and only Savior who promises to always be with me and who guides my path each day. I would not who I am or where I am today without His love pressing me onward. 

Just as the children's song goes: God is so good. He's so good to me!

Weather and God

Weather...

One of the mighty ways

the Lord connects with creation.

Each day, a fresh start,

a reminder of God's faithfulness,

and a reason to be thankful.

Sunshine...

Shines so brightly on my face

as if it were God himself smiling upon me. 

Warm, welcoming, happy,

like a child dancing to a favorite song.

He's happy because I am joyful, too.

Wind...

Whistles as it whips on by,

throwing my hair into a mess of curls.

God's reminder to me

that even when I can't see Him,

He is still there. 

Clouds...

Bring me back down to Earth,

as I consider the pain of those around me.

Dim, sad, mellow days bring 

compassion for the lost, suffering, and needy.

God loves them; I do too.

Rain...

Tears flowing from the eyes of my Lord.

The pain He suffered for my sin.

I'm sorry for the mistakes I've made.

Yet I'm grateful that tears cleanse the soul.

Rain restores Earth just as Jesus restores me.

Snow...

As the snow glistens,

a cold crisp curtain hangs in the air

waiting to be shattered. 

Just as I am broken,

the Lord cleanses me and heals.

Be Available, Be Intentional

This past weekend, I had the opportunity to travel to Chicago to visit some of my favorite college friends. When first planning the trip, I thought to myself, "This is a horrible time to be leaving...I have report cards to do, a field trip to prepare for, our class fall party to plan, and parent-teacher conferences to organize." However, this being the only weekend out of many that would work for both of my Chicago-land friends and myself, I decided to set aside my work, forget about my stress, and enjoy a nice weekend, relaxing in the city. I can't help but know without a doubt that God's hand was in this trip every step of the way. He had a plan for my weekend far beyond what I had ever imagined. Surprisingly, I left school on Friday with only one stack of papers to grade, my field trip and fall party all planned out, and most things I could organize ready for parent-teacher conferences. I never would have imagined I'd have that little to do with so much going one.

Throughout the weekend, I had some great conversations with both Karen and Hadassah, and we enjoyed many fun activities...apple picking, a nice dinner out at a Spanish supper club complete with salsa lessons, a trip to the Peruvian grocery store, and a walk around a lagoon/pond where we enjoyed the calm setting surrounded the busyness of the city. Although, the thing that sticks out most to me was the church service on Sunday morning.

Hadassah and I had planned to wake up early and attend her normal church service at Moody. However, after talking until nearly 2 a.m. we decided to sleep in a little and attend a church closer to her home. Totally a God thing...you see the church was kicking off their missions' conference. The speaker made two main points: Be Available and Be Intentional. How ironic it was (or wasn't) that these two things have been on my mind A LOT recently prior to this specific service.

The man spoke of worship as the goal of missions. He spoke of missions in our own backyards and communities, and he spoke of missions abroad in other nations. While he quoted scripture from 2nd Corintians 5:13-20, God took me to Philippians 1:21-27 -- some of my favorite verses. Here Paul says, (summary) "For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me...I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you to remain in the body...so that through my being with you again your boasting in Christ Jesus will abound on account of me. Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner worth of the gospel of Christ."

Here Paul lives his life intentionally to produce "fruit" in and of the lives of others. He doesn't waste a second. He's always available to the call of the Lord, and he is intentional in his relationships to further the kingdom. As I pondered the scriptures and the words of the speaker, I began to feel convicted. I began to ask myself these difficult questions.

Am I available to take on any opportunity/challenge God places before me,

or am I too focused on my plans and my goals for each day/life?

Am I intentional in everything that I do to be a witness for Christ?

Is my life here on Earth producing a fruitful labor?

I would have liked to answer yes to all three of these questions, but I know if I did, I would be lying. You see, our lives here on this Earth are a daily mission, and if worship is the goal of missions then we must live in a constant state of worship. Our ministry is the place where God has put us and the people that surround us, "Christian" or not. The depth of our worship is how we use that mission to demonstrate our love for Christ, the one and only Savior of the world. We should be living every single day available to take on any opportunity/challenge God brings before us. We should be intentional with our words and actions to authenticate the unfailing, steadfast love of our Father. If we do both of the aforementioned items, our lives will most definitely produce a fruitful labor.  

God has blessed me with some pretty incredible opportunities during my short time (soon to be 25 years) on this Earth, and I hope that along the way I have made some sort of Godly impact on someone. I don't want to waste a moment, but I want to live a life like Paul...available to whatever God has planned for me and intentional with each and every second of every day. 

Nothing is a coincidence; every encounter we have is a God appointed opportunity. Don't miss out!

(Let me just say, that as I read through the Bible study lesson for tomorrow, I realized we'll be talking about this very topic. Wow, God's just hammering this one in to me. I hope I learn and never forget what He's trying to teach me!)

Chasing the AMERICAN Dream

Earlier in the year I came across the book Radical: Taking Back Your Faith from the American Dream  by David Platt. In all honesty, it took me a while to get through the whole thing because of the heavy, thought provoking concepts presented. While the book was very challenging and convicting, I have gained new perspective and even some frustration about the way we in America live our lives whether we're conscience of it or not.

Sadly, most of what we do is for selfish gain. (Now I'm not saying this is true 100% of the time for 100% of the population, but we are all guilty of it on occasion including myself.)  Life in America is one giant competition for the flashiest car, biggest home, nicest clothes, etc. Ever heard the phrase, "Keeping up with the Jones"? I'd say most of us are doing a pretty good job of it if we really think about it. Even our insurance companies advertise insurance on television stating that they'll protect your AMERICAN DREAM (American Family Insurance).

I'm heartbroken for all the lives mislead by the drive to achieve this "dream". Life is about so much more than that. Even Christ warns against earthly treasures in Matthew 6:19-21 when he says, "Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and were thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven...for where your treasure is, there your heart will also be."

David Platt speaks of the emptiness of the American dream versus the call to serve and minister in his book Radical. He challenges the reader to take a step out of the comfort zone and live the life God has called us to live. Maybe that means spending less "fun" money each month to sponsor an orphaned child or saving up pennies, nickels, and dimes to fund a project for the homeless. Maybe God's even calling you to take a trip somewhere to serve the lost, or He could be calling you to meet the needs of someone right in your own backyard. Whatever it is, I believe David Platt hit it right on the spot when he states that the American dream doesn't fit the faith God has called us to live out each day (summarized).

I can't help but compare the American dream to the Peruvian lifestyle. Of course there are Peruvians whom are inward focused, but as a nation, they are very concerned with the well-being of others around them. Especially in the Christian community, they care about their neighbors, and they live life together. It isn't about me fending for me and you fending for you. It's about us helping one another out in times of need. It's about us working together, making sacrifices for one another, and using our time not for ourselves, but to further the kingdom of heaven. It's not about a dream or standard society dangles in front of the face, but it's about surviving and being grateful for what little they do have. For most of my Peruvian friends it's all about faith and following the Lord because earthly treasures are few and far between.

I don't want to settle for the American dream; I don't even want to live my life trying to achieve it. My desire is to live for the Kingdom, storing my treasures in heaven. God didn't put me here to live for my own selfish gain. He gave me this life for His gain, and I pray in all that I do, my life would bring glory to his name. My deepest longings are to reach the lost of this world, and to hear my Lord say to me on judgement day, "Well done my good and faithful servant."

An Answered Prayer

I've learned time and time again that prayer really does work. However, often when I don't get an immediate answer I'm quick to become frustrated and in some situations I quit praying for that specific thing altogether. However, God recently reminded me the power of prayer and His faithfulness. After praying almost weekly for the last couple of years for a friend of mine who had turned her back on Christ, she is finally seeing the Light and surrendering her life to the Lord once again.

You see, recently a friend of mine from college (and ironically originally from about 15 minutes from my home) moved back to the Goshen area after her mother had a near-death bicycle accident. Thankfully, her mother is on the long road to recovery with only bodily injuries and a normal functioning mental capacity. My friend has a nursing background which has allowed her mom to be able to heal in the comfort of her own home and resulted in slightly less medical expenses. While the tragedy her mother suffered and survived is unbelievable and praiseworthy, the renewing of faith my friend has experienced is encouraging and a long awaited answer to prayer. 

During our sophomore year of college, this friend made some poor choices and gradually fell further and further into the trap of sin and darkness. She's lived this life for about the last 5 years, believing she had everyone fooled. Little did she know, but there was a prayer force praying for her regularly, and God was listening. He has answered the prayers of his dear ones, and He has saved the soul of my friend. Sadly, it took a horrific event to bring her back to Christ, but sometimes God must send wake up calls to snap us out of our selfish ways. It's been a miraculous transformation, and it's been encouraging to me to see God not only answered my prayer for my friend, but He's also answered a prayer of needing a Christian friend my age in this town. 

This friend and I have been spending time together every Tuesday evening for about the last month. She randomly contacted me a few weeks after her mother's accident and asked if I'd want to meet up with her. Having not talked in over a year and a half, I was excited to reconnect with my friend, and we've made it a weekly routine. Our evenings usually begin with dinner, and we end them by walking around town or through an area park, taking in the beauty of the creation around us. (We'll have to find something else to do after dinner once winter comes.)

I've really been struggling with my purpose here in Goshen, Indiana, and my strong desire to return to Peru doesn't seem to fade. However, God keeps reminding me to enjoy my family while I have them close, and He's ensured me that there is a purpose at this time for me here. Last week as my friend and I walked the path to the Goshen Dam, we talked about God's plan for each of our lives, and I expressed to her my desire to do ministry in Peru. I talked with her about my longing desire to be there, and she replied by telling me how thankful she was that God has placed me here to help her through this time of "transformation" from her old life back to a Christian walk. As I heard her words in one ear, I heard God say to me in the other, "This is my plan for you here." There it was, clear as day, God's purpose spoken directly to me...enjoy my family, pour into this friend. I immediately became emotional, but I held back the tears and a smile spread wide across my face. I felt peace and contentment rush over me; God's plan started to make a little more sense.

So now, in a little less than a month's time, God has answered three of my prayers. He's saved my friend, provided me a Christian friend (my age) in Goshen, & He's shown me my purpose here.

He also gave me a vision one night while I was praying of me standing in Manchay, Peru with children surrounding me. I strongly believe this was Him confirming His future plan for my life.  

I think it will be a very long time before I doubt God's power through prayer again. 

10 Years Ago

Ten years ago on September 11, 2001, I was a freshman in high school sitting in my first year of Spanish class, when our teacher reported to us that an airplane had hit the World Trade Center tower. At the time, we weren't sure if the malicious act had been an accident or planned activity. As we listened to the radio, we learned that not one but both towers had been hit, and the event was being reported as an act of terrorism. We also learned of the destruction at the Pentagon and the loss of life due to a plane crash in a Pennsylvania field. Moments later our teacher found a mobile TV and allowed us to spend the class period watching the news reports of the event.

Shocked and confused, I silently began to pray as we watched the horrific events and listened to the news reports. It was in these moments that I recall for the first time honestly thinking, "Wow! This world really needs to know and understand the love of Jesus." I knew it before, but I understood that need more than ever when I heard that the men who had hijacked these planes had done it because of their "faith." How misled they had been, and how devastating that they died believing this was the way of salvation.

Later in the year, I recall my Spanish teacher telling me during a one-on-one graded Spanish conversation, that if I continued to pursue my studies of the Spanish language, she knew I would go far with it. It was also in this Spanish 1 class that I began to sense God's calling me to minister and teach overseas. At the time, I didn't put all of these things together, but today, as I sit and recall the events of 9/11, I'm in awe of how perfect God's plan is for me, even ten years ago.

It's amazing how far ten years has brought America and myself. I don't generally consider myself a very patriotic person, but I will never forget the events of September 11th, and I will continue to sympathize with the loss of life on that tragic day.

*Las Estrellas*

Believe it or not, I'm an outdoorsy type of girl. People underestimate me by my style of dress, always done hair, and make-up, but I truly do enjoy the outdoors. (Even my best friends are amazed at the fire I can build with wood, newspaper, and a few matches. They always tell me, I just don't fit the part.) I believe this is in part due to the many weekends my family spent camping when I was a child, but the rest I accredit to the Creator, the one and only God.

Just the other night I was able to spend some time outdoors under a gorgeous night sky talking with a friend. The sky was literally covered in stars, and only a small sliver of the moon was visible off in the distance. It was a spectacular sight, and I sat in awe and wonder for quite some time.

Last evening as mom and I were driving home from church we first saw what mom called a sun dog. As I slowed down to look, we noticed that it wasn't just a sun dog, but what we saw was a rainbow that stretched literally from one end of the field to the other disappearing into the clouds at the highest point. I pulled into Benton Elementary because I wanted to snap a photo. As I pulled in, God displayed in front of us a perfect double rainbow. My heart fluttered with excitement.

As we continued our journey home, the rainbows dissolved behind us and the sky ahead faded from day to night with an astonishing sunset like nothing I've seen in quite a while. As I pulled up to the stop sign, I had to take a picture to capture the beauty of the heavens. I would have loved to take some time to sit outside and relax under the beauty of the sunset, but it was a bit chilly, and I was lacking time to do so. 

Even sitting outside in the evenings for the few moments I'm out there with the dogs before bed, I am amazed at all the noises that surround me...not man-made noise, but noises of crickets and bullfrogs, wind moving the trees, and who knows what other sounds. Peace consumes me, and I am reminded that there is a God in heaven that created the universe yet has time to love on me. The Creator God desires a relationship with me.

It seems to me as if I hear God clearest when I'm marveled by His glorious creation. It shouldn't come as a surprise that not a day goes by that I don't think of Peru...the children, my friends, my church, the culture and the language...Lima in general. When I first returned home, I spoke nearly daily with many of my friends there; however, as time goes on those conversations happen less often. It's the same thing every year; it's not the way I prefer it, but life happens and that's the way things go.

Recently, I've missed those conversations and relationships. Honestly, some of my deepest relationships are with my Peruvian friends.  Throughout the last week, God has shown me multiple times through the beauty of "los cielos" (the heavens) that He is still with me even when human friendships aren't so easily accessible. God is the one friend whom I can converse with on a daily basis without need for technology or time to set aside for a coffee date. He is ALWAYS with me, ready to talk with me and comfort me in my moments of need. He loves me despite my flaws, and He never makes me feel second rate.

I am so thankful for sunrises, sunsets, beautiful night skies, and sounds of nature 
that never fail to remind me that God is in control!

These aren't things you find in Lima very often, so I'm grateful that I'm able to experience them while I'm here.

Sunday Afternoon Drive

I love driving alone, most of the time. Some of my best pondering is done while sitting behind the steering wheel of my car. Depending on my mood, I'm either jamming to the most current pop music, or sometimes I can be found listening to something mellow dramatic that I can pull to relate to my current emotions. However, most of the time, when I'm alone, I've got worship music playing in the background while I think and pray about life.

Recently, I've been talking quite a bit with a few Peruvian friends about them coming to visit me. However, with the price of airfare and the visa regulations, I'm doubting they will be able to visit anytime in the near future. Yesterday as I drove to the store, I had to chuckle at my thoughts as I pondered what it would be like to have Peruvian friends in my country.

I imagined them trying to get around without public transportation -they never believe me when I tell them it's nearly nonexistent where I live. I imagined them using their broken (or no) English skills to strike up conversations with my friends and family. I thought for a moment about their schema and how they would relate what they have in their country to things similar they may find here...McDonalds, KFC, and Plaza Vea which would be similar to our Wal*Mart. I also thought of how pathetic they would find the Concord Mall versus their Chicago style mall in Lima, even the UP or Glenbrook Malls fail in comparison to Jockey Plaza.

I thought about the time of year and the activities we could do. They would love the snow, but they may freeze to death having only ever been accustomed to temperatures 60 and above. We could go sledding and ice skating or even build a snowman. In the summer it'd be fun to take them out on the boat or have a bonfire with hot dogs and s'mores.

I imagine Nilton and Eloy reacting as a small child would on Christmas morning, and I imagine Teresa feeling overwhelmed and slightly stressed. All in all, it would be a blast to have them here, and I pray that one day they would be able to make the trip up here. It would be a dream come true for all of us :)

Countdowns

I'm not sure why, but all my life I have thrived on countdowns. Normally, I truly do enjoy the present state of my life, but it's always fun to have something to look forward to also. Thanks to Google gadgets, my addiction to countdowns has been made easier.

While in Peru, I had  typed in the tentative date for my return trip to Peru. You know, Peruvians are in the moment people, but they were very adamant that I let them know now when I'll be returning. Of course at that time, there were 330+ days left until I'd be returning. Tonight, when I checked up on it, I was informed that there are 298 days until that date (June 23rd if you're wondering). It seems like a lot, but 298 days sounds so much better than 330 days. Honestly, it even sounds better than 300 days.

Viva el Peru!

Real Life Stories

I've worked with orphans and the poor of Peru many times during my trips back and forth. I've grown used to hearing stories of abuse, neglect, alcoholism, drugs, and anything else that leads to a child being abandoned. However, it never ceases to stop me dead in my tracks when I hear the real life stories of my dearest (adult) Peruvian friends.

I'll never forget the Sunday afternoon in September 2009, when a friend and I went to visit the kids at the Kids Alive Home. While the children were busy changing from their church clothes, eating lunch, and whatever else they do on Sunday afternoons, he and I sat and chatted for quite sometime. At some point the conversation turned more serious, and he began telling me about his childhood and how he came to live with Kids Alive. To make a long story short: As a young boy, he lived with his parents in the highlands of Peru. During an act of terrorism, his parents were murdered, and his grandmother was not well enough herself to be able to raise him. She found Kids Alive, and she took him there so that he could be raised in a Godly environment and have opportunities she knew she herself would not be able to provide him.

As I chatted with another friend in December 2009 about my heart for orphans, and the joy I find serving the Lord by serving them, he informed me that he was raised in the Compassion International orphanage, also in Lima. As an adult he has been reunited with his family, but he still carries joy and pain from his childhood.

Today, I chatted with a friend I met just last month. He recently returned from a month long mission in Huacho (where I met him). I asked him to share with me a bit about himself, and he began telling me about his family and his childhood. He is the second of four children; however, he has been unwanted since birth. He described himself as his mother's Italian mistake. For the first 8 years of his life, he lived with his grandmother. At the age of 8, his "father" (the father of his brothers and sister) adopted him, and he returned to live with his mom. His father is abusive toward all of them, and he feels miserable living at home again with them, yet he does not have the money to live on his own. He told me he loves that I always smile because he never learned how. He's thankful for the love of our Father, yet he tells me that often he struggles to fully accept it because he's never known the love of an earthly father.

Those are just three of the heart wrenching stories I have to share tonight. I could go on and on. I guess, I expect that many children have messed up home lives in Peru and in the U.S. but too often I forget that those children become adults, adults that often carry that pain and pay the price for their parents actions.

Every time a friend tells me his/her story, I'm reminded of the sheltered life I've lived. I am eternally grateful for the wonderful parents and upbringing God has provided me. I would not be where I am today without their love and support behind me 100%. And while they don't like the idea of me returning to Peru, I know that if it truly is of the Lord, He will prepare their hearts and walk with them every step of the way.

Time in Between

Well, school has officially started, and I've got 2 full day under my belt. It's been quite a challenge for me to adjust to going to bed at a decent time again, and signing offline earlier means less opportunities to chat with friends in Peru. I'm missing a few of them terribly right now.

Last night, as I sat reading a test strategies book a friend lent me, my eyes burned with tears for no reason at all. As I sat, wishing the tears away, my heart ached and my mind wandered to memories of friends, of the children, and of my church in Peru. I miss being a part of that community. Tonight I spent some time outdoors just enjoying the calm, quiet evening. I spent time in prayer, and God led me to a verse in Colossians 2:6-7 which says, "just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness." He also brought to my mind a song by Francesa Battistelli called, "The Time in Between". Here's the lyrics that specifically struck a chord within me tonight:


Don't take much for this crazy world 

To rob me of my peace
And the enemy of my soul
Says You’re holding out on me
So I stand here lifting empty hands
For you to fill me up again

But it’s the time in between
That I fall down to my knees
Waiting on what You'll bring
And the things that I can't see
I know my song’s incomplete
Still I'll sing in the time in between

I quickly recalled a conversation I had with a friend on Sunday. We talked about how we both know we will not be in this area forever, and how grateful we are to have this "time in between" to spend with our families, loving on them and creating memories with them.

So many times Satan attacks me and fills me with these feelings of emptiness and longing. I often feel that I'm just here, wasting time, waiting until the Lord takes me back to Peru. I cry out to Him with many questions, and often find myself waiting for a response. However, God is not holding out on me, and often I fail to realize that. This "time in between" is necessary for the Lord to shape me and mold me into the person He needs me to be. He's given me this time to grow spiritually, professionally, and personally so that when I make it to Peru, I'm ready to be used in whatever way He has planned for me.

He's given me this time to enjoy my family, minister to those around me, and share His unfailing love with the dear children I teach each day. My prayer tonight is that I not waste a moment in this town. God has plans for me here far bigger than I can imagine, plans that I cannot see. During these next weeks, months, and years here in Indiana, I am going to life my empty hands and sing praise to the Lord because I know that He is not finished with me yet.

And when the time is right, I will be able to take memories of this place with me back to Peru to sustain me during my time there. This time, here and now, may be the most crucial days of my life and I don't want to miss a beat.

Another Year is Upon Us

Tomorrow marks the start of another school year, my second "official" year of teaching. Honestly, it doesn't feel as if school is already beginning. I feel as if the previous academic year ended just a few days ago. It was good to meet my students tonight, get a feel for their families, and see the children get excited about having friends in their class. It also breaks my heart to see how some families operate - divorced homes with children caught in the middle, others with a heavy odor radiating off their clothing.

A few of my students from last year stopped by for a visit this evening. I really enjoyed that class, and I sure am going to miss them.

As my new group of students walk through the door tomorrow, we will begin a 180 day journey together. By the end, I hope that I make an impact on each and every child in some way. I wish to impact them academically, but I also hope that through my life I am able to share the love of Christ with my students. Sometimes the work of a teacher seems daunting and draining, but I know that I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. At the end of the academic year when all is said and done, there's a joy that can be found as one glances at the growth made throughout the year. It cannot be explained; it's a feeling one must witness firsthand.

I'm grateful that for this time God has called me into this profession. Teaching and children are my joy and my passion. They're what I live for, and my career is one way I am able to be a missionary to those around me each and every day. I am so thankful that I chose to ignore the unkind words of one university supervisor when she said, "Maybe you should consider another profession. I just don't think you'll make it as an educator." If only she knew then, what I know now...

God's Promise

I've hinted a few times about a conversation I had with God in Peru and a promise He gave me. I've shared the conversation with a few friends, but I feel it's time to share it with all of you as I ask for your prayers for the upcoming months and years. 

On Thursday evening, July 28th, my dear friend Cassandra and I went down to the beach around 9pm to try out a few Peruvian drinks and enjoy the atmosphere that surrounded us in Mancora. However, we got bored watching the party scene and decided to take a walk down the shore. Cassandra is a quiet person, and for much of the week I had talked and talked and talked. During our walk along the shore, I felt God tell me to rest in silence and enjoy the fresh breeze coming off the ocean. As we walked, Cassandra and I talked a little, but I mostly gazed around me and listened to the waves crash against the sand.

After our walk, Cassandra and I decided to sit under a cabana. As we sat admiring creation and the scenery which surrounded us, I prayed and my heart broke. As I prayed to the Lord about preparing my heart to leave Peru, tears filled my eyes, yet I could not cry. I was silenced; I could not talk, I could not cry. I was mute, literally. I sat for a few moments in complete silence, tuning out the world around me, and it was then that I heard the voice of the Lord more clear than ever before. As the cooling, night breeze brushed over my shoulder, I heard very distinctly, "Trust in me, and I will bring you back here in my perfect timing. You must have faith." It was as clear as day, and I immediately began to weep. I was overcome with joy, and I became filled with peace. No longer did leaving seem so bad (of course, it still wasn't easy); I now know for certain that I will return.

Cassandra isn't a Christian, so I didn't talk much with her about this divine encounter. However, when we returned to the hostel that evening, I was thrilled to talk with two dear friends online and share with them this promise God had spoken directly to me.

For the first time ever, I am absolutely certain that my heart for Peru is of God himself and not just my own crazy dream. I cannot wait to see how this all unfolds!!

Home

Whelp, I'm back in the grand 'ol U.S. of A. After traveling 19+ hours by bus from Mancora to Lima, we rushed straight to the airport Sunday morning for the journey home. Four countries and three planes later, we landed in Chicago at 1:36 a.m. Customs was a disaster with no distinct lines for visitors and citizens. We spent nearly 50 minutes waiting in line followed by 2 minutes at the counter to get our passports stamped. We gathered our belongings and quickly went to meet Michael, who graciously offered to pick us up.

After sleeping most of the morning, I headed into school today, and this evening went shopping for school items with my mom. Many have asked me how it feels to be home. To put it honestly, I'm not sure. Last night, as we boarded our final plane, I wanted nothing more than to be home, hug my parents, and snuggle up in my very comfortable bed. It felt good today to walk into school and have a sense of belonging and comfort. I enjoyed driving my car today and floating in the pool with my parents as we chatted this evening.

However, in my mind, I think first in Spanish and then have to remind myself that here we speak English. As I greeted friends today, I wanted to kiss them on the cheek, but here, we don't do that. I wanted to call up my friend whom I've been in contact with everyday for the last month, but I realized that would cost a fortune. Instead, I settled for glancing at pictures I snapped during the month, and tears of pain and happiness stained my cheeks.

I know I'm here in the U.S. for a purpose. God has given me a great life here, and I am so grateful for the blessings He has poured out upon my life. I will continue to serve Him here with my whole heart until He calls me back to Peru. He's promised me I'll return; it's just a matter of when for which I am uncertain.

Ready?

My bags are packed, my belongings are stowed, and my clothes laid out for the long trek home. I finally shed a few tears, I laughed over fond memories and pictures, and I wrote my conflicting emotions down on paper.

Tomorrow is my last full day in Peru. In the morning I have plans to meet Nilton for brunch - provided he arrives on time. In the afternoon my bus leaves from Mancora for Lima at 1:30 p.m. I should arrive in Lima around 10 a.m. on Sunday morning. From there, I will go straight to the airport for a long day of flights and plane changes. From Lima, I fly to Guatemala, El Salvador, and finally Chicago. I should be home by dawn Monday morning.

As I lay here and type, my mind is overwhelmed with grand memories that I will carry close to my heart until I am able to return. My soul is burdened that I must leave this place. My heart is excited to see my parents. I wish I could have the best of both worlds, life here in Peru with my American family and friends nearby.

Am I ready to leave Peru? Definitely not! However, as Paul states in Romans 8:28, "We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." God has a plan for my life. He's slowly revealing that to me a little bit each day, and I'm excited to continue to watch my life unfold as I walk closely with my Lord.

Am I ready to be home, hug my parents, and get back into a routine? Of course! While it pains me to leave Peru, I know that I have great things awaiting me in the States. I have been blessed beyond what I deserve, and no matter what location I am in this world, I know that God is going to continue to use me to accomplish His mission.

As a wrote a while back: Life isn't about landing at a destination and remaining there forever. It's about the journey we take, the ministry we do, and our faithfulness to the Lord during our time on this Earth. The only destination we're seeking is the final one, heaven or Hell. As I walk this Earth, my desire is that my life be one that leads to heaven and eternity with my Abba Father.

Ready or not, I'm coming back to the States, and I'm excited to see what God has in store for me next!

Why Peru?

I've been asked quite a few times this week if I'm from Lima. I guess that means, I know Peru and speak Spanish well enough, but look foreign, so I must be from the capital city. My friends have even begun calling me a "Peruana" which means I'm blending in more and more.

Today, Cassandra and I went shopping at the artisan market here in Mancora. We encountered a man whom we'd talked with on Tuesday, and he began asking me questions. We struck up an immediate friendship after he showed me pipes he makes from a large seed. (I forget what kind of plant it was from.) As he was describing to me the technique of this handcraft, I expressed my interest by saying the Spanish word, "asu" which simply means awesome, cool, or neat. After that comment, he asked, "are you from Lima?" To which I responded with no, and then explained that I had lived in Lima previously and now had returned to visit.

This topic always brings me back to my original reason for coming to Peru. This man (I never did get his name) asked me why Peru, so I started from the beginning and told him I'd originally come twice with my church before moving here to teach. That was all he needed to know to strike up an intense conversation about revelation and the end times. You see, this man isn't a Christian, but he sure does know a lot about the Bible "stories" and the prophecy of the end times. We talked about the natural disasters going on in the world as well as the fighting amongst humanity. I asked him if these things scared him or made him question his eternity, and he said that he's thought about that many times. He told me about his family and their Catholic religion, and he expressed his disliking to this form of religion. He said he liked the Bible, he enjoyed reading it, but he just wasn't sure Christ and salvation are real. I shared with him bits of my own personal testimony and the grace God has poured out upon me. I encouraged him to read the book of John, and by the end of the conversation, this man asked me if I would be able to get him a Spanish Bible to read because he no longer had his. (I believe his family forced him to get rid of it from the way it sounded.)

Being in a small, tourist, party town, there aren't bookstores to just go and buy Bibles. Actually, a full version of the Bible is often hard to come by here in Peru. They exist, but the stores that sell them are few and far between. I told the man I would talk with a friend coming up on Saturday and see what I could do. I immediately called Nilton to see if he could bring one, but he is traveling and wasn't sure he'd have a chance to get to a store with Bibles before he arrives.

I went out today as normal, looking for souvenirs and ready for a day at the beach. Not once this morning did I think, "Today I want to share my testimony." However, God had other plans in store for my day. I spent a lot more time at the market than planned, and we barely made it to the beach before the clouds rolled in. Yet, I wouldn't trade the conversation I had with this man for anything. I would ask that you would pray for him (sorry, I don't know his name). Pray for clarity and understanding of the scripture. Pray for him to have faith in Christ and accept his gift of salvation before it's too late.

Tonight, as I prepare for bed, I am asking God to please give me more precious opportunities such as this. I love random, spiritual conversations, and if they plant seeds and lead others to Christ, it's even better.

One man's life may be changed forever simply because he asked, "Why Peru?" Who would have thought that question could be so powerful!

Update through Pictures

Lunch @ Rustica on Saturday

Downtown Lima on Sunday

Paragliding on Sunday, also.

Followed by a hike up the mountain

to the Cristo del Pacifico.

A walk down the beach in Mancora.

Evidence of where we're staying.

Lunch 

Agua d Coco

A real coconut, chopped open =

real coconut water.

My favorite place to sit at night is on those steps.

The waves are amazing.

I'm thinking about trying my hand

at surfing since we didn't 

make it out on Sunday.

A kayak trip through the Mangroves.

We got out and took a short walk.

A boat ride to an island to see more animals.

Iguana :)

Crocodiles

Birds

Returning to the mainland.

Natural Hot Springs Bath

Needless to say, it's been a busy couple of days, yet it's been relaxing at the same time. Mancora is a very tiny town on the beach. Life here consists of surfing, drinking, and dancing, none of which I have participated in. I enjoyed our 12 hour journey to the boarder of Ecuador today where we were able to do the kayak trip and visit the hot springs. Tomorrow, I'm looking forward to saving some money by laying out on the beach and catching up on some sleep. 

I miss being kissed on the cheek when I walk into a room full of people. I miss being in a familiar place with people I know. I miss Lima and the variety of things to do there. However, I'm ready for a routine. I'm looking forward to seeing my family Monday morning, and I'm ready to be back in familiar territory where I can drive my car when I need/want to go somewhere :)

Numb

Tonight as I sat beside the ocean watching the waves crash against the shore, I became overwhelmed by the grace and mercy offered to me by God through His son Jesus Christ. As I marveled over the immense ocean in front of me, I wanted nothing more than to worship my Father who created this great earth in just 6 days. This month I've had the opportunity to be beside some of the largest mountains in Peru, and now I'm having the opportunity to sit beside the vast ocean. I feel humbled, and I long for nothing more than to spend eternity with the God who created all of this. Words cannot even begin to describe the emotions that overwhelm my soul.

Yet with all of this going on inside me, I feel numb. My heart aches to be leaving behind my dear friends here in Peru. Tonight as I sat beside the ocean listening to the waves, my eyes burned with tears of sadness and gratefulness, yet I was unable to cry. I was unable to do anything; I only sat and existed. As much as I love the ocean and the sunshine we experienced today, my mind continued to wander to Lima, and all of my friends there. I keep thinking back to all the things I didn't do. I didn't make it to the orphanage much, I didn't see some of my friends, and I didn't eat certain foods I've missed. There is just way too much to squeeze into such a short time; it's hard to be so near, yet still so far away.

I'm so thankful to have spent my last weekend in Lima the way I did. Saturday I went to lunch with a co-worker from LISOFT. We enjoyed a nice Peruvian buffet as a small band played in the background music from various regions of Peru. Afterwards, I met with Teresa to run a few errands and chat over coffee. Leo picked us up, and he took up to meet Cassandra. Finally, we met a group of my friends for Chinese before retiring home around midnight to watch a movie.

Nilton, Hector, Teresa, Cassandra, and I watched Soul Surfer, and we spent the night together enjoying the friendship we share. We awoke early in the morning (6:30 a.m.); Cassandra and I readied ourselves for a day in Lima, and the others returned home. Around 9, Cassandra and I met Nilton, and he took us to visit his sister and her 3 month old daughter. From there, we treated Cassandra to a very Peruvian breakfast, and we went to downtown Lima to show her around. We went to an artisan show and walked to the Costa Verde in Miraflores where we met Ulises and enjoyed a gorgeous view of the ocean (despite the freezing cold and damp, cloudy weather). We went paragliding in San Isidro, but we chickened out when it came time to surf. The water was just too cold, and we were running short on time. We ate an authentic Peruvian dinner in Chorrillos, and we walked up the mountain to the Cristo del Pacifico which overlooks the city of Chorrillos and the Pacific Ocean. Afterwards, we went to Camino de Vida (my church), and I began to say my good-byes. Finally, we shared ice cream at McDonalds with some of my friends before we retired home for the evening at about 11:30 p.m.

I'm so thankful for the events that took place my last days in Lima. I'm thankful for the friendships that have lasted from years past, and I'm grateful for the new friendships I was able to create this year. It's not easy saying good-bye, but Nilton keeps reminding me that God does have a plan for those who love Him, and we must be patient until He is ready to reveal that to us.

Therefore, I'm going to enjoy the next three days in Mancora with Cassandra, and I will look forward to sharing lunch with Nilton and Ulises when they meet us in Mancora on Saturday before we begin our 36+ hour journey back to Indiana.

God has blessed me beyond what I deserve, and I desire nothing more than to live my life fully for Him in whatever form that might be. Here or there, I'm ready to serve the Lord and do as He asks.

Dios Tiene Un Proposito Para Mi

What an amazing three weeks I have had. If you've kept up with my blog, you can see that I've been very busy. With trips to Cuzco and Huacho, time with the kids in Manchay, and late nights with friends, I've barely been able to catch a break to put my feet up and relax. However, as exhausted as I feel, I would not trade the spectacular time I've had for any amount of sleep I'm lacking.

As type, I'm sitting on a bus headed 18 hours north of Lima to the city of Mancora. I'm excited to have a week to relax on the beach before returnig to the U.S. but I was also very sad to have to once again say good-bye to my dear friends in Lima. My heart is heavy, and my mind isn't sure what to think. It's odd to have already said my good-byes but still be in this great nation for another week. Please continue to pray for me as I take this week to reflect over my time here, pray over God's will for my life, and enjoy the beach with my friend Cassandra (from the United States).

My friends are already asking when I'll be back next year. Some of my friends have even tried to suggest missions organizations or schools where I could come and serve. I shed some tears as I talked with a dear friend the other night about the passions of my heart and the timing of the Lord. He also shared with me the calling he feels towards missions and the Lord's work in his life. I'll miss intimate, spiritual conversations when I return to the States. I'll miss late night walks and the unique scent of this country. Most of all, I will miss the amazing relationships I've built here and the friends who have become like family.

I cannot help but trust that I will be back in the Lord's timing.

Te Amo Peru!!!

Introvert

Today was a weird kind of day. I wasn't feeling much like doing anything, and I had no desire to call anyone up to hang out. Last evening I talked with Alissa Keady until nearly 3:00 a.m. My heart was heavy, and thanks to her crazy work schedule, she was available to help me sort through some things and share things that had been on my mind. Needless to say, having been awake until the wee hours of the morning, I had no desire to jump out of bed when my mom texted me at 9 something this morning. Instead, I did what a good daughter does, and I texted her back for a bit before drifting back to sleep. Finally, around 11:30 a.m. I woke up, but I still had no desire to crawl out of bed.

You see, my body has finally truly adjusted to the cold, Peruvian winter. Before, I was chilly, but now I shiver all the time. The last thing I want to do in the morning is crawl out of my warm bed and step on the iced over wooden floor. Okay, so maybe I'm exaggerating a bit. It's actually about 60 here in the evenings and 65 during the day. However, add to that a forever cloudy sky, a damp mist, and no indoor heating. It's hard to warm up.

After checking my email and chatting with a few friends, I finally decided around 12:30 that I should do something with my day. I hadn't had plans today one because most people were busy and two because I honestly needed a break. While I'm having a blast, and I'm loving it here, I am also feeling very warn out. After showering and getting ready, I headed to search for tickets for our return trip from Mancora. With next week being a huge holiday travel time, this escapade took me to 6 bus companies in 4 hours. Thankfully, I had very kind, helpful taxi drivers to get me where I was going, and I came across a man that was able to pull up multiple companies and compare prices, times, and availability. Finally, I found return tickets, although they aren't exactly for the time I was hoping. In everything, God has a plan though :)

After stopping for dinner on my way home and buying a few groceries (I ran out of all my snack items). I headed to my friend Teresa's house to hang out. We ended up having a very spiritual conversation with her mother and father. Her mother is a very strong, knowledgeable Christian woman, and from what I understand, her father accepted Christ just a few years ago. I very much enjoyed this time of conversation with them.

It pains me greatly that the next couple of days are going to be filled with good-byes. I'm still in Peru until July 31st, but I will be traveling to Mancora the 25th and returning shortly before my flight on July 31st. Most of my good-byes will be done on Sunday. I'm not ready to say good-bye. I'm not ready to leave this place. I hate not knowing for sure when I'll be back. Please pray for me throughout the days ahead. I've already shed many tears about leaving, and the good-byes have only barely begun. Saying good-bye is a subject I try to avoid, but I also realize, especially in this culture, it is something that must be done. Thankfully the hardest goodbye will happen in Mancora as Nilton will be arriving there for vacation shortly before I head back to Lima, so I will be able to put that one off a bit. Nilton has become one of my best friends here in Peru. He is one of the people I have kept in contact with consistently whether I'm here or there. He is a great man of God, and the way he lives his life has taught me many things. Every time, it is harder to say good-bye than the last.

Wow, tears are streaming down my face just thinking about it...

My heart burns for Peru. I love this place...the culture, the people, the language, the terrain. It's familiar; it's home. I cannot help but trust that one day very soon I will be returning. I would like to ask that you please pray that God's plan for me in Peru would soon be revealed.

Fiestas Patrias

July 28th is the day Peruvians celebrate their independence from Spain, yet many celebrations have already begun. Independence day is a huge deal in Peru. All businesses must display the Peruvian flag on their building, most places shut down for the week (some even two), and Peruvians take time to vacation with family. It's like our Christmas break, only they get theirs for independence day...you know, it is the middle of winter here. Everywhere I go, there are people selling flags, pins, and other red and white memorabilia. Every school does a march and many put on shows of dances from various regions of Peru. I'm telling you, Peruvians don't take independence day lightly.

Yesterday I went to Manchay to watch the kids do their show for independence day. I know it was a week early, but yesterday was their last day, and now they have two weeks of vacations. Here's a few pictures from the day.

 Traditional Peruvian outfits from the Highlands.

 Teachers of the Pre-K class :)

 Welcome to the jungle.

 Parade...army man carring the flag 

with the President and wife closely following.

 The army and police officials.

 Traditional uniform from the jungle.

 3 & 4 year olds march

 President, wife, and body guards.

 The 3 & 4 year olds performed a traditional dance

from the Highlands.

 Teachers showing off their dance skills

with traditional dances from their terrain.

 Valeria - We connected last year.

It's so fun to come back and see these kids :)

 I painted this :)

 A few pictures to remember

the amazing children

that entered my life 

this month :)

Value of the Cross

A few days back I made a trip to the bank with a friend to exchange some of my American dollars to Peruvian soles. I used to enjoy this. I used to like watching my money triple right before my very eyes. However, anymore, it's a depressing adventure. You see, my first trip to Peru in 2007, one dollar earned me nearly three soles (2.98 I believe). That means for every $100 I would turn in, I'd get 298 soles back. In 2009, I remember turning in my dollars from school and receiving an exchange rate of 2.94 or something close to that. However, fast forward to present day, and my same $100 earns me a mere 273 soles. It's slightly depressing.

As numbers and figures floated around in my head, my mind shifted to Christ and His unchanging, unfailing love. I must admit that recently, while I've been in church quite a bit and I have been involved in ministry in various forms, my personal devotions are lacking. Of course I do them, but I've been selfish with my time and I've been selfish with my prayers. I'm not giving God all of me during my time of devotions. I'm giving Him only the parts I want to give Him, and I'm trying to control everything else. 

Last evening at church we had communion and an amazing time of alabanzas (singing and worship). As we sang the song Hosanna by Hillsong United, it was all I could do to hold my tears back as the room roared with people in love with the Lord, worshiping Him with their entire being. As we sang:

Heal my heart and make it clean 
Open up my eyes to the things unseen 
Show me how to love like You have loved me 
Break my heart for what breaks Yours 
Everything I am for Your Kingdom's cause 
As I walk from earth into eternity 

I was broken. It's a strong prayer, and it's a prayer I spoke with everything in me last evening. My heart needs to be cleaned. I have been living selfishly rather than for His Kingdom. I spent some time in prayer, and I could literally feel the embrace of the Lord surround me, and I felt the heaviness lifted from my shoulders. I was light as a feather in the arms of my Savior, and I felt great. At that moment, there was no where else I'd rather be than right there loving on Jesus Christ. It amazes me that even when I neglect Him or only half trust Him, He still loves me the same. I breaks my heart that too often I don't give Him all of me, because when I do, life is so much better!

Unlike the value of the dollar, Christ's love never changes. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. (Hebrews 13:8).