A Heart Divided

It's been over a year since my last post.

Last year I didn't send newsletters like I had previously done either.

This year will be different...

One of my goals is to post on this blog once a month and another is to send out a newsletter quarterly. 

But that's not the reason for this post, so let's get to the point.

Recently, I've been asked by a variety of individuals both in the U.S. and here in Peru which place feels more like home. Honestly, I hate that question, and I still haven't been able to give a straight answer. Although, I'm not sure I'll ever be able to give a straight answer.

Merriam-Webster defines home as

• one's place of residence
• the social unit formed by family living together
• a familiar or usual setting
• a place of origin

Taking those meanings into consideration, the first leads me to believe that Peru is home, but the last would imply that Indiana is home. The second and third definitions could be applied to either location.

So what is home? In my opinion a home is what you make it to be. My home in Peru and the life I lead here is much different than my home in Indiana and the life I once lead there or the life I currently lead there during my yearly visits.

As I explained to a friend yesterday, Peru is like my grown-up home. It's where I work, have responsibilities, pay bills, take care of and do life with my husband, etc. But Indiana is my childhood home, my security blanket, my inner peace. When I visit Indiana I get to live in the "past" in some ways. Mom and dad let me stay in their house and take care of me while I'm there, I get to see friends I've known for ages, and overall things really haven't changed much.

Yet, at the same time, Indiana is starting to feel less like home each visit. Knowing that I'll probably never live there again (my husband hates the snow and cold weather), it's becoming more of a refuge to escape the lack of safety and the homesickness I feel in Peru, but in some ways I also feel as if I've begun to disconnect from many of the places and things that were once so near and dear to me.

This return trip to Peru has been the easiest adjustment back to life here I've had yet. Except for avoiding the grocery store for the first five days, I jumped right back into life, filling my schedule with friends, events at the children's home and time with my husband. Today was the first day I've sat home and relaxed since I got back six days ago. 

It's good to be back home, but I miss my other home, too. 

I firmly believe that here on Earth, I'll never again have just one home.

But I do look forward to the day when all my favorite people from both "homes" are with me in our eternal home in heaven. 

And because my heart is divided here on Earth, my heart aches to see my lost friends saved. It's hard to miss them during long (or short) periods of separation, but I can't imagine spending eternity without them.

Starbucks and the Heart of God

The title itself is quite an oxymoron, I know. But let me begin by saying, I'm not supporting Starbucks, but I do enjoy a nice Starbucks frappuccino once in a while. However, I'm also not supporting Christians who have nothing better to do with their time than complain about a disposable cup. I have to wonder, are these same Christians praying or sharing the gospel as much as they're complaining? And if they aren't, then quite frankly, I don't really want to hear their opinion on the color of a cup or the lack of holiday spirit.

This month Missions Month at my church here in Peru. Last week for the kick off, the young adults (feels weird saying that as I don't feel that old myself yet) came in at the beginning of the service carrying flags from varying countries and lined up along the walls of the auditorium. My eyes began to water and my throat tightened as I tried to keep myself from becoming a ball of weeping flesh in my seat.

As I sat there, eyes watering and lips quivering, I thought two things.
1. Why am I responding like this? They're just flags.
2. Am I doing enough? Am I where I'm supposed to be or is God calling me elsewhere?

Then, as the announcements ran and the pastor got up to speak, I began to think and respond to these questions.

1. I responded in this way because my heart is broken for this world. The sinful nature of humanity, the downward spiral even Christians are facing, hate for our brethren, judgement that should be left to God, hidden sins, pride...I could go on an on. Each of those flags represent people who are lost and dying. Each of those flags represent nations where missionaries are working to spread the Gospel, and some of those flags represent nations where the Gospel is forbidden, yet God has sent His chosen ones to go and discretely share the Word.

2. I don't think I am doing enough. So, God sent me to Peru as a teacher, but I should be doing more to share His message, too. What's the next step? It's no longer me who decides where God is calling me, but I have to convince my husband as well. What is he thinking? Are we called to be missionaries somewhere? Are we called to be more involved with a missions organization here?

Honestly, I know I'm not doing enough to be an ambassador of Christ. My last blog post is proof of that, and I can't say I've stepped up my game much since that post either. I also honestly believe that if God calls me to be a missionary somewhere, He'll give that calling to my husband as well. As far as being more involved in missions here in Peru, Javier and I have that talk on a regular basis. It's just so difficult with his schedule to both be highly involved somewhere. We're working on it though.

I've spent this week in earnest prayer for missionaries I know and miscellaneous missionaries around the world. I admire them and what they're doing, and I sometimes wish God had given me that call rather than calling me to be a teacher. But then I'm reminded that being a teacher is one of the greatest callings. It allows me to work with young minds, to shape their thinking and to set an example for them that they may not see elsewhere.

Then there's the Starbucks issue. While I'm over hear worrying about the spiritually dead around the world and praying for missionaries in places much worse than where I find myself, Christians in North America are in an uproar over a disposable cup. First world problems at their finest.

Okay, I get it; the so called "Holiday cup" lacks holiday decorations. But, would you say snowflakes and pine trees represent Christ more than a simple red cup does? As a friend stated tonight, "I don't think the snowflakes of years past had anything more to say about our sinful nature and our gift of a Savior than the color red." She also stated that the red color of the cup could be argued that it represents the cleansing blood of Christ spoken about in many church hymns.

Dear Brethren,

We're missing the bigger picture!! Wake up!! Open your eyes and look around you! While you're boycotting Starbucks and tweeting/posting about how awful they are for eliminating holiday decor from their cups, people are being killed around the world. Christians are being jailed and/or killed for their faith. Have you stopped to pray for them, or are you too busy telling everyone how awful Starbucks is for choosing a red design for their cups? What if they used their normal cups year round, would you complain about that, too? At least the cup is red, right? That must stand for something.

Are you worried about seeing your lost friends saved? Are you taking a stand for Christ and speaking out against sin in a loving way, or are you spreading hate to those who believe different than you? Have you stopped to consider that it's absolutely ridiculous to even think that someone who is not saved should support the Gospel or even find it necessary to have Christmas decorations? Why celebrate Christmas if you don't believe in Christ? Yeah, the gifts are nice, but I could buy the same gift for myself if I wanted.

The unsaved have no reason to think, believe, or act as Christians should. They don't know Christ, they don't know His redeeming power, and they don't know they are lost.

It's our job to get off our our high horses, leave judgement to the Lord, and start sharing the Gospel in a way that causes others to desire what we have. It's time to make a change in our thinking, to change our point of view and to put our priorities in order. We need to stop expecting non-believers to act like believers. It's time to stop spreading hate and to quit making Christianity distasteful to the lost. It's time to start making Jesus desirable and attractive. It's time to bring the Kingdom to the people and make them long for eternal life in heaven.

It's time to stop complaining about all the bad, but to be the positive change.

Yours truly,
Jessica


So in conclusion, think about your words and actions, pray for the lost, and go out and share the Gospel. The world is waiting for you!

1 Corinthians 2:14 - The person without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God but considers them foolishness, and cannot understand them because they are discerned only through the Spirit.


**Disclaimer: I am not perfect, and I have a long way to go before I am. I've written this post as much for myself as I have for you. Accept the challenge.

**Disclaimer: I am fully aware that Starbucks has made comments in the past contradictory to our Christian faith. I fully expect that; it's a company ran by non-Christians. I know that due to these previous comments, the removal of winter decorations from the cup comes as another sign that they are not for Christ. However, I will say it again - it's absolutely ridiculous to think that non-Christians should understand the importance of holiday decor when for them Christmas is just a day for gifts that most of them could by for themselves.

Public Transportation

I must admit, I'm a people watcher. At sporting events I'm generally more focused on the people entering and leaving the game or seated around me than I am on the game. At church, if you put me in sight of a doorway, sadly, I can guarantee you my thoughts will jump to whoever I see coming and going rather than the sermon.

I remember sitting in the lobby near the large window in my dorm during college attempting to study, yet finding my eyes and my thoughts wandering to the people walking by outside. I'd look at them and observe - what were they thinking, what fashion trend were they showing off, where were they going, what made them tick, etc.

Recently, I find myself doing the same thing whenever I use public transportation here in Lima, which is nearly ever day. Sitting in the taxi with music playing, I observe the taxi driver. Usually to make sure he isn't going to do anything to me or to be sure he's watching the road, but I often wonder about the person behind the wheel as well. Does he have a family at home? What is his background? Is he from Lima or does he come from the provinces? When was the last time he slept? Rarely, do I talk to these men that drive me around the city, but I wonder about them the same.

Then there's the busses. You have 10-50 people crammed like sardines into a tube on wheels. There's music playing, the cobrador is shouting names of streets and urbanizations, asking riders to pay the fare, and a driver shouting at the other drivers in his way on the road, but there is minimal conversation between the riders. Occasionally you'll find a few people on the bus who are riding together and conversing, but those who embark on their journey alone are entertained by their cellphones, music and newspapers. It's awkward if you make eye contact and even more uncomfortable when the bus is silent and one must ask their neighbor for directions.

Again, I find myself observing. In my mind I create life stories for the people around me based on how they are dressed and what they are carrying with them.

Woman A has just left the office since she is wearing a skirt and high heels. She looks freshly powdered, so I bet she's on her way to meet a friend for a coffee.

Woman B must have gone to the gym and then stopped to pick up a few groceries on the way home. She's wearing sports clothes and is carrying a gym bag. She's also wearing a wedding ring, and I see baby formula in the Wong grocery bag, so she must have a husband and baby at home.

I could go on and on, making stories for all of the passengers, but I'll spare you from reading my thoughts.

The moral of the story...

We're living in a globalized world, rubbing shoulders with people of different races, ethnicities, backgrounds and lifestyles on a daily basis. Yet, we have become a world of lonely, self-focused people. We plug our ears with our headphones, listen to our choice of music, and hide in the seat of the bus (if you're lucky to get a seat) avoiding even the slightest bit of eye contact until it's time to fight our way to the door. Even then, one might push and shove through the crowd, saying perdón, disculpa, permiso or any other phrase that kindly implies those in the way should squeeze themselves tighter together so that the passerby may get through. However, despite stepping on someone's toes or knocking someone in the head with your bag little eye contact is made.

Then there's days when I come home and think about the uniqueness of situations like these. As a Christian, am I missing opportunities to evangelize and share the gospel? What if the person standing beside me on the bus today is going home lonely tonight wondering why he is even on this Earth? What if the little girl I saw crying on the bus lives in an abusive home and she's running away? And I sit, guilty as charged, without saying a word, avoiding eye contact, and bopping my head to the music playing through my headphones.

When people ask me why I'm here in Peru I have a few responses:
1. I teach at a bilingual school here in Lima.
2. I came to volunteer with a children's home.
3. My husband is Peruvian.

Yet, maybe, just maybe I am here for more than that. Maybe I am here to be a witness to the other passengers riding on the same bus as me. Perhaps, I'm here to talk about the love of Jesus with the taxi driver who happens to give me a ride home from the grocery store.

Maybe it's time to take out the headphones, look people in the eyes, and smile at them as they board the bus and sit or stand beside me.

It's not an easy challenge, and I'm a pretty reserved person when it comes to talking to complete strangers. But it's a risk I'm challenging myself to take, and I'd ask that any of you in similar situations consider as well.

Blessings to you and yours.

Find a Man Who Adores You

About two weeks ago, Javier and I met a team that had come to work with Kids Alive for a week. This team came all the way from Lake Tahoe, Nevada and was in Peru for the first time. They seemed to be kind group of people as we conversed with them at the children's home and at dinner the following night. They asked the usual questions:

• Where did you get married?
• How did you meet?
• Oh, you grew up here! (to Javier) What was it like growing up in a children's home?
• Have you been to the States? (also directed towards Javier)
• Are you missionaries? / What do you do for work?

Even though this is the typical conversation we have with any international person we meet, I love it. It reminds me of the time I first met Javier. These questions cause me to reflect upon the God divine encounters we had up until I moved here in 2013. It gives me yet another opportunity to hear my dear husband share a bit of his testimony and his passion to mentor and set an example for the children in the home now. And it also takes me back to our time in Canada (as friends) in 2010 and our time in the States and Canada together at the beginning of this year as a newly engaged couple. And then, almost every time at the end of the conversation, Javier proudly takes out his cellphone and shows the new "friend" the video of his proposal, and I become a big ball sappy emotions. 

Every time we go to the children's home the girls are enthralled by my engagement ring. I, too, can't look at it without smiling, even after having worn it for the last 8 months. Not only is it beautiful and beyond what I expected, but it reminds me of a promise we made, to seek after one another, to do life together, and to fight together until our last day. 

As the girls "oooohhhh" and "aaahhhhh" over my ring, and then make similar comments about my wedding band, I have a chance to talk with them. I share with them the importance of finding a man that loves God first, that admires them and encourages them to be a better version of themselves, a man that loves them and enjoys spending time with them, that sacrifices for them, and respects them. I explain the importance of finding a man that values them, not a man that just wants to use them to appease his physical desires or a man that tries to buy their love. 

I have shared with them the beauty of having an engagement ring, and the process of arriving to that point. I've tried to express the importance of waiting for a man who will commit to them through thick and thin rather than a man who runs when times get tough. I've explained to them that the size of the diamond or the cost of the ring isn't what's most important, but it is a symbol. Javier didn't choose the biggest diamond because he wanted to buy my love; rather, he chose the biggest diamond because he wanted me to be proud. He could have chosen the smallest diamond in the world and I would have been happy simply knowing he loved me enough to take that step and commit himself to me for the rest of his life.

How did he design it? He took 3 rings I had shown him and combined them into one because he wanted me to have a ring that had all my favorite features from the 3 rings I had shown him.

So many girls who grow up without a constant male figure in their lives will run to the first man who is willing to pay attention to them. They make poor choices hoping to win the love of the boy chasing them and end up in broken or dangerous situations. My hope is that through the example Javier and I have set and the example of other Godly marriages that surround them, these girls (and boys) will value commitment, desire a Godly marriage, and wait until God brings the right man (or woman) into their lives.

Please pray for these girls and boys that Javier and I feel called to mentor and minister to. Pray that God shows us what His plans are for us concerning how to mentor and our timetables. Pray that the children are able to see something in us that they desire and to make positive life choices.

Let me leave you with the video of our engagement. Any man willing to dress up in a costume of one of your favorite cartoon characters is worth keeping. I have to say, my man is one in a minion!!

Living a Dream - Year #1 Reflections

Do you ever have those days or weeks when you wonder what in the world you are doing in life? Where are you headed? Are you on the right path? Are you following God's will? Why you are where you are?

While I know God has me exactly where He wants me, and I'm living a dream come true, some days are just plain difficult. I miss teaching in the States with respectful students, consistent discipline and students from average families. I miss my colorful, student friendly classroom filled with books and resources for the kids. I miss a loving, supportive staff that truly had the best intentions for the students. I miss my church and the Bible study group I became a part of my last 2 years back in Indiana. I miss driving to my friends' homes for the weekends to spend the night and have girl time. But most of all, I miss my family...sitting outside in the summer around the pond with a fire burning or laying out in the pool relaxing while talking about anything and everything with my mom. I miss the smell of a warm house in the winter, feeling soft carpet beneath my feet, and the comfort of simply being "home".

However, despite all of the things I miss and looking past the days when I think I can't take anymore, I know that God has me in Peru for a reason or perhaps more than one, and I couldn't be happier. Living and teaching in Peru has been a dream of mine since 2007. I discovered a love for Spanish and teaching during high school and after just one trip to Peru, I knew I had to come back. This is my dream, something I prayed for for years. I'm thankful that God answered my prayer in His timing and not my own.

As I look back on the last year, I am filled with reminders of God's love, faithfulness, and protection time and time again. He's provided for me in ways I never even imagined, and not once has He left me feeling alone.

• He provided an apartment for me when I was very discouraged with what I was originally offered. It's the perfect apartment for the perfect price, in a safe location, and my landlords are wonderful people. 
• He's kept me safe in the streets, taxis, and buses, and only allowed me to experience one robbery which happened to be the stealing of Javier's phone right from my hand through the window of our own car. 
• He's blessed me with opportunities to serve and build stronger relationships with the children at Juniper Tree in Pachacamac.
• I've been able to pay off one loan which leaves me only one left to go...there is light at the end of the tunnel! 
• In moments of loneliness it never fails that He has provided someone who calls to chat or hang out with. Sometimes His love has come through mail from friends back home, too. Mail which is appreciated more than I think you understand.
• I have learned to serve more, be hospitable, and think of myself less. Who cares if the house hasn't been cleaned in a week? There are people that would like a cooked meal and a hot shower.
• God blessed Javier with a car that has been super beneficial and a blessing in so many ways. 
• I've made new friends and built deeper relationships with old friends. 
• I've learned so much about humility and living simply. 
• I've heard testimonies I can't imagine having to go through, and I've seen people on the other side of tragedy living lives filled with joy and completely surrendered to the Lord.
• I've been blessed by the presence of Javier in my life. A friendship of 5 years that I never imagined would develop into a lifelong love and marriage. (Yes, I said marriage...)

I could go on and on about the goodness of God during my first full year of living here in Peru. As I look around me and cringe because the sun is setting at 5pm and that the chilly evening air is drifting through my windows, I stop to remind myself that even having this apartment is a blessing because so many others live without properly closing windows or sturdy cement walls. 

Of course I miss my family, my friends, my church, and NPE, but I'm not here to dwell on the things that aren't here with me. I'm here to learn, to serve, to teach, and to become the best person that I can be. I'm here because this is where God called me many years ago, and I am ready to carry out the mission that He has placed before me - to educate children and to serve to the best of my abilities. 

Thank you all for your continued love and support as I follow this path of life. It's hard to believe it's been a year, and I'm already excited to be home for Christmas. However, until then, I am looking forward to the days ahead with anticipation. Awaiting the Lord's daily voice leading me in the direction He has set for me that day. Each of your prayers is a blessing in my life. I couldn't have made it this long without you!

Living with Contradictions

This post has been a long time coming. I've sat down to write many times, but the words just don't flow. There is no way to accurately describe the inner conflict I face on a daily basis as I try to find my place at work and in ministry here in Peru. My thoughts are honest thoughts; they are my opinions and my own emotions. Please note that there are some generalizations made that are not meant to offend, but rather to encourage each of us to take a look at how we are living and ensure that our financial wealth (or lack of) does not impact how big or little our faith in Christ is. Christ should always be our first love and our only source of hope and confidence.

_ _ _ _ _

Some days I'm not even sure what to think, how to respond, or even if I'm living reality. It's emotionally exhausting some days to work among the wealthy and serve beside the less fortunate (in terms of money). My daily job is to teach children from wealthy families. Most have nannies or at least someone who cleans house and/or cooks dinner for the family, and some hardly see their parents. Then, I volunteer at a children's home here in Lima where children live without biological parents, in a house with other children who aren't related to them and with a "mama" who cares for them.

Just last Friday I was riding the bus home from work after a very long week, when two boys, brothers between 7-10 years old got on the bus. They talked about how their parents are drug addicts and how they have to support their family, including two younger sisters. They then sang a song (very off key) while trying to keep their balance as the bumpy road tossed about in the aisle of the bus. My heart broke as I thought about the children at the children's home and even those in Manchay who have faced similar situations. When they finished singing, they walked the aisle with their hands out hoping someone would give them a few soles. Some people did, others did not.

This is a normal situation here in Peru. People enter the bus to sing a song or play an instrument and then walk the aisle hoping to receive money from the passengers. Sometimes they explain about a sick family member and try to sell chocolates or other treats to earn money to help pay for the medical expenses. Other days they discuss addictions they have overcome and the need for money to start over with a new life. Sometimes I give money, sometimes I don't.

I live in a wealthy area where houses cost more than the houses in my hometown in the USA. Yet, on the other side of the mountain people live in one or two room houses, dirt floors, and sometimes don't even have running water or electricity. I work in a school where parents pay $1000 per month for their children to attend school while some of my friends' children attend public schools where they are lucky to have a full week of school due to absent teachers or random school closings. I see vehicles with their BMW, Audi, and Mercedes, emblems on a regular basis and then I see families with multiple children boarding the bus with barely enough money to pay their bus fare.

My heart and mind are confused as to how one city can have such dramatic financial differences. It seems the poor get poorer while the rich get richer more drastically than I can express. It breaks my heart that very few of this country's wealthy people care for those living in desperate situations. It seems like the more money one has, the more superior one feels and the less concern for the well-being of others.

However, I'm learning that no matter what social class you come from, we are all poor in some way. Some more visibly than others, but each one of us is lacking something. Some of those around me who have little by means of financial wealth have much in terms of spiritual wealth. They are some of the strongest Christians I know who daily encourage and challenge me to be a better person, to have more faith, and to believe the impossible. They are the ones serving this country and witnessing to their neighbors in attempt to grow and strengthen the Kingdom of Heaven here on earth. On the other hand, the wealthy are generally content. Life is "easy" and there is little room for or need for God. They tend to be nominal in their beliefs and some use church as a way of making connections and growing their businesses.

Heartbreaking...

But, there is hope! The poor in finances are rich in the Spirit and they are making a difference in this great nation. My faith and strength rests in the hand of Father who is making disciples right before my eyes. If only more people would realize that money is only temporary, but they things of God last forever.

Make Gratitude an Attitude

At the start of every year we are all encouraged to make a goal for the new year, a resolution as many would say. Often times those resolutions involve measurable goals - losing weight, spending more time in prayer or reading the Bible, accomplishing dreams, etc.

In 2011 I set out to lose a certain amount of weight (which I did, but since have gained it all back). 

In 2012 I committed to reading the Bible chronologically.

In 2013 I set my mind on praying for every nation while reading through Operation World Prayer Guide to the Nations. 

All three years I achieved my goal {not to brag or anything}, and at the end of the year I felt pretty good about myself. However, I also recall at times throughout the year feeling down on myself as I fell behind in my reading and/or praying or hadn't lost the pounds I had hoped to each week. The times I felt down though, only pushed me to try harder, to catch up, and to be more faithful in working toward the ending goal.

This year, through conversations and prayer, I've felt challenged to set a different kind of goal, a resolution that can't be checked off the list quite so easily. If you receive my email updates, I challenged you to do the same: Make gratitude an attitude - be thankful more and complain less. 

How did I come up with this goal?

In my previous post I typed up a list of things that make living in the USA more comfortable {at least in comparison to my life in Lima, Peru}. One evening, while having dinner with my boyfriend, Javier, I was talking about things I missed about being home {in the USA}, some of the exact things I mentioned in my list. After my mini complain session, he pointed out that even though I'm supposedly lacking things in Peru, I have much more than most people and that I have been blessed.

Another evening, after a seemingly rough day, I had quite the attitude. As I went on about how awful my day was, Javier reminded me that even on my worst days there are people who have been through situations a lot more difficult and challenging than my own. Trust me, at first I was mad at his unsympathetic response, but after some thought I realized that really my day hadn't been THAT bad after all. So what if I didn't sleep well the night before, my students talked too much, and I didn't have the ingredients I needed for the meal I planned to make. I have a bed to sleep in, I have a well paying job, and I have food to eat. Not to mention after I calmed down I got a hug - an embrace some only long for. 

You see, Javier {and other Peruvian friends of mine} have been a blessing to me. Living in Peru has been an eye-opener, a rude awakening at times. Having grown up in Peru and with a life very different from my own, Javier does a wonderful job at reminding me what's important in life. Daily I'm challenged to give thanks without complaining and to live humbly, always willing to help those in need. 

You see, in Peru I live a somewhat glamorous lifestyle. I have a {sometimes} hot shower, internet, cable, and proper electricity. I have a washer to wash my clothes, plenty of space to house guests, and an income that supplies all of my necessities and then some. I am blessed; my life overall is very easy even in Peru where things are at times "uncomfortable" for my American upbringing.

Therefore, from that came my resolution for 2014: Make gratitude an attitude - be thankful more and complain less.

God has blessed me so that I might be a blessing to others. However, if I only ever look at the negative side of things or recall how things used to be when I lived in the States, I will never reach my full potential in Christ. I have been given more than I could ever ask for or imagine, nothing I have do I deserve. Therefore I have no reason to complain about anything, for everything I have is a blessing from above. And that my friends is why I choose to focus on giving thanks this year, because how can I complain about something that has been put in my life as a blessing from above. My cup runneth over.

If you have resolutions you'd like to share with me {or ask me to pray for} please feel free to do so. I'd love to hear what God has asked some of you, my readers, to focus on for the year 2014.

Resolution #2 for 2014 - Be less selfish. Maybe I'll explain that one more later...

51 Things that Make Life More Comfortable in the USA...

...but most days I'd still choose to call Peru home {at least for now}.

Disclaimer: This list has been compiled in no particular order. 

1. having family nearby
2. friends that know me inside and out
3. church services in English
4. speaking English 99% of the time
5. sharing my passions with many more words and emotions than often done in Spanish
6. people who understand my culture
7. blending in as a 6' tall white girl
8. familiar radio stations with songs I enjoy
9. having my own transportation
10. driving a car on calm, country roads
11. finding "common" foods at the local supermarket
12. cooking foods that are familiar
13. drying clothes in a dryer
14. changing seasons
15. a white Christmas
16. always being connected to the internet (although I'd call this a curse sometimes)
17. banking...don't even get me started on this one
18. ease of buying clothes that fit 
19. clothes are generally cheaper
20. knowing what hygiene products I'm not allergic to
21. cheaper hygiene products (make-up, lotions, shampoo, etc)
22. my Keurig 
23. mom's home cooking
24. shredded cheese
25. frozen foods/dinners
26. over-the-counter medicine
27. my dogs
28. flushing toilet paper
29. hot showers
30. toilet seats in public restrooms
31. cellphone plan vs pay as you go
32. packages actually arrive on my doorstep
33. safe drinking water from the tap
34. ability to watch all of my favorite tv shows
35. childhood memories at my fingertips
36. in fact having all of my belongings nearby (even if they are in boxes)
37. knowing which stores sell certain items and where to find deals
38. grocery ads and coupons
39. teacher store
40. Hobby Lobby
41. warm water in every faucet
42. indoor heating and air conditioning
43. weather warnings (there aren't earthquake warnings in Lima)
44. advancement of the education system (although it still has its flaws)
45. law enforcement that are actually working to protect us
46. feeling safe most of the time
47. having dad nearby to fix things when they are broken (or at least try to)
48. being close to mom who can sew things when they rip or don't fit right
49. ordering online
50. a gas stove that isn't hooked to a tank that could run out at any given moment while cooking dinner (I'm always fearful I'll run out while cooking for guests.)
51. less dust

Okay, so I know to some of you this list may seem ridiculous, even petty. However, we never realize how good we have it until we're forced to live differently or with less than what we're used to. Being in Peru has been a blessing, and while I miss the comforts of the things listed above, not a day goes by that I regret my decision to give it all up to serve the Lord in Peru. Honestly, it wasn't even until I returned home for Christmas that I realized I missed most of the things above. Heck, at times, I still look for the trash can by the toilet to throw my toilet paper in, and I plan my outfits ahead in order to have time to dry my clothes on the line only to realize I can use the dryer. I praise the Lord that I am so easily able to adapt to my lifestyle in Peru, and I am grateful for the chance to enjoy some of these blessings we have here in the States for a few weeks.

Please see my next post for a full explanation of why I created this list. 

Stars in the Sky

On my walk from the bus stop after work Thursday, staring up at the dirt mountains around me with the sun shining brightly upon them, I was reminded of how small I am and how great our God is. 

It's been quite an adventure these last few weeks, and my type A personality has been feeling quite overwhelmed and slightly out of control at times. I've been here before, I know how things work, yet, there's always that adjustment phase that one must endure when change occurs. On my walk home this evening, as I was gazing up at the mountains around me, I couldn't help but surrender my will to the Lord. In those moments I realized how much I've been trying to control things, cultural things I'm realizing I need to let go of. At times I've found myself complaining a lot, wishing things were as they were in the States - more hot water pressure in the shower, internet that works in more than just my bedroom, less traffic, missing foods prepared with ingredients at home, more easily accessible materials at school, etc. 

I also find myself struggling relationally more each year. People move on and change, friends come and go, and I never know from year to year who will still be around, who has moved on, or who I've lost commonality with. It's sometimes hard as a relationally focused person to understand why people come and go, but I'm thankful for the few good friends I've kept throughout the years, and I'm blessed by three in particular who have been above and beyond helpful. 

School is going well. I've begun teaching a few classes on my own and co-teaching a few others. Materials aren't widely available here, and my bulletin board space is limited. Charts and workshop style teaching are unheard of, and the mix of PYP with the Peruvian educational requirements makes things much different than what I'm used to in the classroom. I do think I'll have some freedoms in teaching things as I choose to, but it will be a matter or thinking differently in order to follow the program themes and ideas for each term's requirements. 

I've not gotten involved much with the ministry aspect of things yet. I've been to the children's home once, and I met friends from the family care center for dinner earlier this week. I'm still trying to figure out my schedule and routine before I add more to it. I hope to get more involved somehow, whether through translating for ministries or getting involved more at an orphanage or something of the sort. 

Don't get me wrong; I am so glad to be here! I'm enjoying things as they come and taking one day at a time. Of course I miss home, having hot water in all sinks and faucets, and driving myself around rather than depending on buses, but I wouldn't change where I'm at during this phase of life for anything. I'm thankful for the mountains today that were set as my reminder that God is in control, that He knows His plans for me beyond what I can fathom at this point, and He holds me closely in His arms during those moments when I feel alone in this world. 

I heard a song tonight while relaxing and listening to Spotify. Kari Jobe says it so beautifully in her song "Stars in the Sky". She sings: 

The faith in my heart will sing

Of what Your love can do

And even when life weighs heavy on me

I know You're in control

And You're all I need.

 If you'd like to listen to the whole song, I'll leave you with this link for the youtube lyric video. 

Other Random Happenings:

• My first week here I was on a bus that got pulled over by the police for running a red light. After some arguing and what appeared to be a bribe we continued on our journey. Flashbacks of the police entering the bus and demanding to see everyone's ID a few years ago came to mind. This time I was prepared though with my ID unlike a few years back. 
• Last weekend I entered a bus and just a few miles down the road the tire went flat. Thankfully as we exited the bus the cobrador (money taker) gave us our money back, and my friends and I got on another bus to continue our journey. 
• The kids at school don't understand why my hair is different colors since I say I don't "paint" it. Hard for them to believe the sun naturally dyes me hair.
• I'm learning to boil water in a pan to wash dishes, buy groceries just a few things at a time, and cook with ingredients different than what I'd find at home.
• School lunches are so much better than in the States and all of the teachers actually eat it. {Sorry NPE!}
• I miss the Christian atmosphere at Fairfield. It really was something special, but I don't think I realized how special it was until this last week. I am, however, thankful for the few Christian teachers I have met.
• It's about a 5 block walk from my apartment to the bus/taxi pick-up and at least that far from school to the bus stop. I'm getting lots of walking in these last few weeks.
• And last but not least -When given the choice to hang out with Peruvians or Gringos I will choose Peruvians most of the time. {Sorry Gringos!}

School Year in Review 2012-2013

My heart breaks a little at the end of each passing school year. The life of a teacher is a wide mix of emotions. The students become like my children as my care and concern for them deepens throughout the year, and then it's over; they move on leaving you "behind" to start over with a new group of students. 

This year though, something was different. In my time at New Paris Elementary, I have never had a group of students that reached so deep into my soul as this group did. There was just something about these kids that filled me with joy, reminded me of my passion for children and concern for their well-being, and brought me to tears when I felt as if I were failing them. Maybe it was the life change of preparing to move to Peru that enabled me to get close to these kids knowing they would be my last group at NPE (for now). Perhaps it was our spiritual talks that flowed more openly with my entire class attending Bible class every other week. Or it possibly could have been the kind hearts, the humor for sarcasm, and the eagerness to learn and explore new ideas that allowed me to really dive deep and reach out to these students.

Don't get me wrong, it wasn't a perfect year of roses and sweet smelling honeysuckle. We had our ups and downs. I had my moments, days, and weeks of utter frustration (late homework, endless hours spent helping students with math during recess, behavior problems, etc.), but on a typical day those moments of frustration were turned around by a smiling girl standing at my desk with a dandelion she picked at recess or a laughing boy telling me a funny story about something he observed. (And let me tell you, this group noticed things no other group before them noticed, and they pointed out every connection they could in reading, math, science, or just plain every day life.)

As we began to wrap things up this week, I had the kids spend time writing yesterday about third grade. I left it open ended and told them to write about whatever they chose...learning, field trips, friends, etc. Most of them wrote about our trip to the Chocolate Factory and others wrote about our awesome new music teacher. However, what touched me most were the kind words they had to say about me, nearly bringing me to tears. Classes in the past have said similar things, but something about the way these kids so eloquently shared their writing almost brought me to tears.

You are the best teacher ever!

I am praying for you in Peru!

I wish you didn't have to leave me. I want you to be my teacher forever!

The kids in Peru are going to be so lucky when you get there!

I always wanted you to be my 3rd grade teacher.

I love you, Miss O'Connor, and I don't want you to leave!

I will miss you a lot, Miss O'Connor!

This morning as the children filed in for their last day of 3rd grade some came to my desk with gifts and/or cards thanking me for our year spent together. Others gave me candy they had received from our custodian wanting so badly to give me something, yet having nothing else to give. Then one little boy scribbling a quick note on a sheet of paper, covered it up as I walked by.  Later tday, on my chair near my desk was a note that said, "Miss O'Connor, please go to 4th grade with me. I don't want to leave for summer vacation without you!" My heart melted knowing the family situation and home life this child would be facing. School is his distraction; it's an escape. Another little girl hugged me at the end of the day and wouldn't let go; another child quite possibly fearful of the summer she faces away from school.

As the kids left, I had them do the usual before break "Handshake, Hug, or High Five" as they crossed the threshold from our classroom into the world. Most of the students opted for a hug, and a few hugged me and wouldn't let go. As I choked back tears, I couldn't help but smile. It's a bittersweet feeling, but when all was said and done at 2:55 today, I knew that I had given my all to these children, and I hoped that in some way they saw and felt the hope and love of Jesus Christ this year. 

I held back tears and a smile of pure joy and delight spread across my face, yet now as I type this I'm starting to feel my eyes water and my throat tighten.  I could not have asked for a better group of kids to have as my last group at NPE. I'm thankful for the mark each one has left forever on my heart, and I'm proud to call them "mine". God knew just what I needed this year as I transitioned out of this phase of life and into the next, and these kids were just it. 

Parents, if you're reading this, please know that I feel honored that you entrusted your children to me this year, and I pray many blessings over you and your families. Thank you for making 3rd grade such a fun year! Thank you for the gifts, notes, and time you have given this year!

Just a few of the things I received today that so very much touched my heart. 

~A devotional book by a missionary about Jesus's Calling

~A journal to record my adventures in Peru

~A printed Peruvian flag with information about Peru the student had researched on his own because he wanted to know more about where I would be living

~And on top of those, I received flowers, a few notepads, gift cards, and some yummy treats and refreshing soda to enjoy this summer.

Out With the Old...

As I lay here tonight reflecting on the past year, I can't help but consistently recognize the theme of contentment strung throughout the year. I find little to complain about as I reflect over the past 365 days, and I find many experiences to rejoice for. God has stretched me, pulled me, held me, loved me, and taught me so many times this year. Not everything as been easy, but as the end of the year is fast approaching, I can say that every trial, every tear, every laugh, every adventure was completely worth the feeling of accomplishment contentment, and joy I feel at this moment. The year 2012 has been one huge adventure, I'll do my best to highlight a few of {what I would consider} the greatest things of the year.

• Lived completely on my own for the first time. - Since college I have felt very much in limbo, always waiting for the next thing, living with Mom and Dad until it came time to move away. However, I took the plunge, and admitted to myself that I was here to stay for a while, and moved into an apartment of my own. Through this experience, I have found contentment here in this town, and I began to fully feel like this place was just where God wanted me.
• Read the entire Bible in chronological order this year. - Honestly, in the past, I had a bad habit of reading my Bible two-three times a week when I had time. I participated in studies, and did book of the Bible studies on my own, but I was never super consistent. This year, I have learned the value of being in the word daily, and God has taught me so much about the Bible through my reading. I have read the entire Bible through a few times before, yet I still love that every time there is something new to take from it.
• Found a new church where I feel that I belong and experience the Lord each Sunday. - In January I began consistently attending a new church after a two year search. I have gotten involved in the young adults Bible study, made new friends, and learned so much more about the Lord and His Word. I became a member of the church in September, and we hosted a worship benefit in honor of my friend JP in October.
• Traveled to Peru for 5 weeks with the intent of it being my last trip for a while. - Going into my trip, I felt the Lord asking me to let go. I went to Peru with the intention of hanging out with friends, volunteering with Kids Alive, and saying my good-byes to all. However, the Lord wasn't asking me to let go completely, He was simply asking me to be willing to let go of certain things to experience others. This trip to Peru was by far one of the most amazing ministry experiences I have ever had. The memories I hold from the translating medical trip to Huaraz will be with me forever.
• Discovered contentment in my career. - While I have truly enjoyed my three years at NPE, I haven't felt confident of my work and my abilities until this year. I guess three years teaching the same grade and two years with the same partner does that to you. I'm truly enjoying teaching this year, loving my students, and for the first time not feeling super overwhelmed and unsure of what I'm doing. 
• Feared I was losing my mom. - So maybe this isn't the happiest of all moments this year, but it did teach me once again the amazing power of prayer. Mom left work (unbeknownst) to me on Sept. 19 around 10 a.m. to drive herself to the ER for chest pains. I found out about 11:00 after a few trips to the office and a text from my dad. I worried all day, and prayed while forcing back tears and continuing to teach my class of 25 students. Mom remained in the hospital for a little more than 24 hours at which time the diagnosis was unclear...heart failure yes, cause was undetermined. I sat with Mom and Dad in the hospital for about 5 hours on Tuesday and about 8 hours more on Wednesday. Aside from being shot at while climbing a mountain in Peru, these 24 hours were probably the scariest of my life. I prayed fervently for Mom to be healed, my parents are too young to die. This experience taught me the divine power of prayer.
• And lastly, as a result of the process I've been through this year and the contentment I found, the Lord has opened a door I thought was long closed. - After much stress, joy, uncertainty, excitement, anxiety, and cheers the Lord provided my dream come true. I firmly believe all of the above events had to happen in order to prepare me for what lies ahead. I'm moving to Peru in August!!!

I've found contentment in seeking the Lord with my entire self. I've learned what that looks like, and I've learned how to do it like never before. I've seen the work of the Lord, and I've heard Him speak to me many times. I've felt His embrace, and I've sung my heart out in praise to Him. He has sustained me this year, and He has blessed me beyond what I deserve. 

So here's a salute to the end of a wonderfully, frustrating, joyous year. It's been hard, it's been fun, it's been lonely at times, and it's been full of life during others. As the year ends in just two more days, I can't help but smile at how amazingly, challenging and adventurous 2013 will be.

Peace & Awe

Imagine for a minute sitting at the bottom of the tallest cliff/mountain you can think of. How small do you feel as you look up at the mighty mountain standing before? Now imagine yourself turning around to see the vast ocean on your other side. It’s humbling, it’s calming, and it’s the very definition of peace and awe; at least for me anyways.

Sunday, I was able to do just that. I had been invited to go to a birthday party/BBQ for the one year old daughter of a friend of a friend. {confusing I know} However, I wasn’t feeling overly excited about it when another friend, Hector, asked if I wanted to go to the beach. Of course, a day at the beach trumps nearly anything else, so I decided I would go. We met up with a few of Hector’s friends, and while they surfed I sat along the shore taking pictures, listening to the waves hit the shore, and marveling over the majestic creation that was surrounding me: cliffs, waves, pelicans, families, and even rocks. Despite the cool breeze and gray skies, I couldn’t help but praise the Lord for his creativity and the opportunity to sit at the bottom of a mountain in awe of the vast sea that lay before me.

I spent a lot of time praying and quietly humming some of my favorite worship songs. While I am enjoying my time here in Peru, things are definitely different this year; some for the better, and some of it, well, it’s just how things go. Throughout the weekend, God sent me many reasons to be grateful and happy here. He reminded me many times of His purposes for me in Peru, and He showed me his love through friends, a great church service, and even some one on one time at the beach.

Sunday evening at church, the pastor spoke from 2 Timothy 4:6-8; here Paul speaks of finishing “the race”. Paul was a fighter and a finisher. No matter what trials he faced, he kept the faith and finished the race God had set before him. My heart was filled as I was reminded that my “race” in the States is to train my students to be responsible, knowledgeable citizens, and my “race” in Peru is to love on God’s people by lending a listening ear, sharing His truths, and helping out as needed in the various ministries I have come to know during my stays here in Peru. Even though things are different this year among my friends, that isn’t my full purpose here. The Lord has even greater things in store for me, and each day I know that He is using me for His purposes even when things don’t go as planned.

Monday I spent time with a few girls that are here interning with Kids Alive for the summer. We went to Miraflores. {I’ve been there more this year than I think I ever have been in the past.} We went to the markets to buy Peruvian artisan crafts, we walked to LarcoMar which is a mall built into the side of the cliffs, and we gazed out over the ocean. We chatted over lunch and enjoyed delicious ice cream before returning home this evening. I enjoyed the time with people of similar cultures, and I must admit it was fun to hang out with a group of girls for a while.

Girls here tend to be controlled by their families; still most of my female friends must ask permission to leave to hang out with me. Many times it ends up as me hanging out with the guys, which I have grown accustomed to, but it isn’t always ideal. I enjoy my girl friends here; I just wish they were more free to spend time with me.

Let me leave you with a verse…

“Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day – and not only me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing.” ~2 Timothy 4:8

Late Night Musings

Despite my exhaustion, I am finding it difficult to sleep. My mind keeps replaying the events of last weekend in North Carolina and then wandering to thoughts of my upcoming trip to Peru. This summer has already been a blast, Peru will be fun, and when I come home, it will be time to dive back into prepping and planning for a new school year. It seems crazy!

Last Saturday my dear friend Liz got married on the beach in North Carolina. It was a simple wedding, yet it was beautiful as well. I drove down on Wednesday with three of my college friends, and we were reunited with eight other dear friends on Thursday and Friday. It was so fun to hang out with everyone. We laughed, we danced, and we slept very little. The exhaustion that I feel is totally worth the joy that I felt hanging out with my best friends on the beach all weekend. I was sad to say good-bye, but I'm thrilled that the next reunion is another wedding planned in Nashville in early January. Let the countdown begin!!

As I unpacked my suitcase this evening, I was overwhelmed with nerves and excitement for my fast approaching return to Peru {June 25-July 30}. I get this way every year, but this year seems different. A lot has changed since my visit last summer both in my life and in the lives of my Peruvian friends. For me personally: I have my own apartment, I've found a church I love, I've made new friends, and I've found a sense of contentment here I haven't felt in a while. In Peru my friends are graduating university, working, dating, traveling, and who knows what else. This year will be different.

In the last three months the Lord has really been working on my heart and mind (not that He doesn't all the time, maybe I'm just paying attention more now). Peru will always hold a special place in my heart, and I still do long for the opportunity to return to Peru to work in ministry of some form. However, I am realizing that at this time that isn't God's plan for my life; it has been my plan all along, my dream, and my desire. God has provided amazing opportunities for me to return to Peru for short visits, but His intentions for me at this time are not long term; perhaps that will change later in life.

With that being said, I'm viewing the summer in Peru as my time for closure. I will use my time to enjoy the friends I've made and the ministries that I've been a part of, but I will not use it to meet with principals and scout out schools as I've done in the past. I'm sure it will be hard saying good-bye at the end of my five week visit, but I can honestly say that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God has me right where He wants me for the time being. It's exciting to feel that sense of peace, but at the same time a part of me is still wanting to hold on to my dream of "getting out of this town". Maybe one day I'll get that opportunity; for now, I'll enjoy the mini vacations I'm able to take.

If you would, please join me in prayer as I prepare for my departure Sunday evening. It seems that there is lots that needs to be done before I go. Also pray for my time in Peru. Pray that I would be a blessing to the Peruvians and that I would get the closure that I need as I say hello and good-bye to friends who have become like family. At this point, I am not planning on returning next year {I hope to pay down on my college debt instead}, so leaving at the end of July could be tough. Please pray for my safety traveling, pray for my health as I deal with different climates and air than I'm used to here in the States, and pray for my ministry, that I would joyfully spread the good news of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ to the Peruvians I am in contact with.

I will be posting contact information soon for all of you! Look for those details in my next post :)

Cuzco Reflections

I've mentioned before that this trip is all about stepping out of my comfort zone, and this week was a big stretch in that area. Living with a Peruvian family, on Peruvian time, speaking only Spanish, and learning the love language of self-pride and belittlement were a few of the challenges I faced...not to mention the lack of internet access to connect myself with things/people "familiar" to me. I think we spent about 75% of the week waiting for someone who wasn't ready to leave and about 25% of the week exploring and touring the sites. Gisell is one of few people who can't seem to understand me when I speak, although I think 90% of the time she just didn't listen because everyone seemed to understand just fine. I shed quite a few silent tears throughout the week, and spent lots of time praying for patience, understanding, and a better attitude. Don't get me wrong, though; overall, I did have a great week aside from the frustrations and challenges.

I danced to traditional live Peruvian music in the Cuzco Plaza de Armas (city center).

I ate potatoes literally baked in the ground, next to a gorgeous lake in Chincheros.

We toured the ruins at Chincheros in the evening.

We walked around the Cuzco Plaza de Armas during the day, taking in all the sites.
I got to hold a baby goat, and then was asked to pay because I wanted a picture.

We found a stone with 12 angles (which apparently is a big deal).

We toured the Cathedral, but we were only permitted to take pictures outside.

We drove up to Sacsayhuaman to see the ruins from above (for free).

From this point, you could also see the entire city of Cuzco on the other side.

We enjoyed snapping a few photos of the Cristo Blanco.

He stands watch high over the city of Cuzco and illuminates the night sky.

Last, but certainly not least, we spent a full day (2 a.m.Wednesday - 2 a.m. Thursday)
on an adventure to tour the most famous Inca Ruins at Machu Picchu.

(More about this attraction coming in a later post.)

I learned lots of new Spanish words; many of which I don't remember.

I tried new Peruvian cuisines, most of which contained bread or potatoes.

I'm craving white rice; apparently that isn't a main dish in Cuzco.

Lastly, I met some pretty amazing people throughout the week.

Gisell's family was very generous and kind, 

and I met some new friends during our day at Machu Picchu.

Cuzco is a beautiful city, much different from Lima. It's still very Peruvian in it's look, but it is also very much a tourist city and has been well kept to ensure comfort to its visitors. Cuzco is rich in history with many amazing things to see. I would love to go back again and see all of the things we missed. However, if I did it again, I'd fly. Literally 12+ hours of none stop winding and zig-zagging around mountains is a bit too much for my stomach. Even if you have no desire to ever visit Peru, I would highly recommend considering Machu Picchu for a vacation at some point. I fell in love with the place, and I'm sure you would, too :D

The Journey vs The Destination

There are many famous quotes that focus on the importance of the journey; most of them blatantly point out that life isn't about the destination, but rather it is made up of a journey taking us to our final destination. I've had many conversations based around this topic recently, and it's really got me thinking.

Each one of us lives life in a daily pursuit of the journey laid out in front of us. That journey eventually leads to eternity in heaven with our Creator, or it could lead us to eternal damnation in Hell. Whether you find yourself working the same monotonous job every day or living a life of leisure and travel, you're on a journey and the final destination always results in one of the two options above.

I believe most humans are in pursuit of an earthly destination. I know I often think that when A happens, I'll follow through with B and life will be joyful and wonderful from that point forward. I tend to think that A is the final destination, and when I reach that, I will then be able to fulfill God's will for my life. However, the exact opposite is true. There is no final destination on this earth; there is no A! My daily purpose should be to seek God and fulfill His will for my life. I cannot wait until A happens to begin spreading the gospel and leading a life worth living. I must do that now, each and every day.

I was talking with two friends just last week...one a recent college graduate, the other has been at her job for 3 or 4 years now. As we chatted, we all came to the conclusion that we have no idea what we're supposed to do with our lives. We each have ideas and desires for our lives, but we don't understand what God's purpose for us is. That's when all of this clicked. God's plan for my life, is the life I'm living right now! I can't sit here waiting for life to change; God has placed me here at this time to fulfill His purposes through me. My witness doesn't begin when I go back to Peru. I stand daily as a witness of Christ, and I need to be using that to its maximum potential to spread the Good News throughout this lost and dying world. If I wait until I reach the destination to begin spreading God's Word, it will be too late; for as I stated above there is only one destination: Heaven or Hell.


We're each on a journey with one final destination. Why wait another day to begin to make a difference right where you are? Tomorrow might be too late!