Sometimes I Wonder...

Update blog: I've had it on my to-do list for quite some time. Actually it was something I meant to do before I ever went home for Christmas, and it never got done. Today after arriving home from my 2nd day at school, I decided tonight would be a "me" night. I don't get quiet evenings just for me much anymore. I am usually with Javier 4-5 evenings a week and the other days I try to catch up with friends or take care of necessary tasks like cleaning, grocery shopping, laundry, etc.

So here I sit in front of the open windows, listening to the sounds of the outdoors and enjoying the breeze the ceiling fan provides. (Sorry friends who are buried in snow.)

My last blog update was 6 months ago! I'm sorry blogging world that you haven't been as informed about my time here in Peru. Life got busy second semester last year, I flew home the night school ended, had a whirlwind of a trip in the States and Canada, and now I find myself back in Peru. I've been here about two weeks, and it's been quite the adventure - organizing legal paperwork, visitors from America, planning a wedding, a day trip north of Lima, pool party and hanging out at the children's home, and now school is starting.

Now let me get to the meat of what I have on my mind tonight...

Some days I wonder why God brought me to Peru, so far from my family and my closest friends. I wonder why I gave up teaching in an amazing school with great colleagues and a church which felt like family. But then I remind myself, that this was my dream. Being here in Peru (a Spanish speaking country) was a calling I felt as a 13 year old sitting in my first Spanish class.  If I weren't here I wouldn't be marrying my best friend and I probably wouldn't speak Spanish quite as well, not to mention other things, too. Some days are hard, some days I want to give up and move home, but I know that God brought me here for a purpose, so I will push through, I will try to smile, and I will continue to seek God's plan for my life each and every day.

Javier and I joke that he had to travel to 60+ countries and then back home to Peru in order to meet the perfect girl for him. I never imagined when I met him in 2009 that 4 years later he would become my boyfriend. Add a year and a few months and now he is my fiance. I guess if this is what God's purpose in bringing me to Peru was, then I can't complain.

Peru is home now, yet Indiana is home, too. There are still days and  probably always will be days that I miss my family, my friends, and my life in Indiana.  Recently, I miss teaching at New Paris Elementary. Being back home and visiting my friends at school made me miss it; I was jealous of the resources, the classroom decor, and the overall friendly atmosphere. I fear I have lost my passion, I miss having a class full of children that felt like a second family.

As the school year begins, I must constantly remind myself that no matter what happens, this is the means God used to bring me to this great country, so I must rejoice. I need to stop dragging my feet and hanging my head. Instead, I need to walk proclaiming the good things the Lord has done and be thankful because He is faithful and good.

Please pray for me, my colleagues and our students as we begin the 2015 school year.

Please pray for Javier and I as we continue to sort through paperwork issues in order to be married here in Peru.

And lastly, please pray for the children's home as they have faced many staff changes already this year.

I made it a goal when I returned to Peru to try to update my blog twice a month. Let's see how well I can do with that!

Blessings to each one of you!

School Year in Review 2012-2013

My heart breaks a little at the end of each passing school year. The life of a teacher is a wide mix of emotions. The students become like my children as my care and concern for them deepens throughout the year, and then it's over; they move on leaving you "behind" to start over with a new group of students. 

This year though, something was different. In my time at New Paris Elementary, I have never had a group of students that reached so deep into my soul as this group did. There was just something about these kids that filled me with joy, reminded me of my passion for children and concern for their well-being, and brought me to tears when I felt as if I were failing them. Maybe it was the life change of preparing to move to Peru that enabled me to get close to these kids knowing they would be my last group at NPE (for now). Perhaps it was our spiritual talks that flowed more openly with my entire class attending Bible class every other week. Or it possibly could have been the kind hearts, the humor for sarcasm, and the eagerness to learn and explore new ideas that allowed me to really dive deep and reach out to these students.

Don't get me wrong, it wasn't a perfect year of roses and sweet smelling honeysuckle. We had our ups and downs. I had my moments, days, and weeks of utter frustration (late homework, endless hours spent helping students with math during recess, behavior problems, etc.), but on a typical day those moments of frustration were turned around by a smiling girl standing at my desk with a dandelion she picked at recess or a laughing boy telling me a funny story about something he observed. (And let me tell you, this group noticed things no other group before them noticed, and they pointed out every connection they could in reading, math, science, or just plain every day life.)

As we began to wrap things up this week, I had the kids spend time writing yesterday about third grade. I left it open ended and told them to write about whatever they chose...learning, field trips, friends, etc. Most of them wrote about our trip to the Chocolate Factory and others wrote about our awesome new music teacher. However, what touched me most were the kind words they had to say about me, nearly bringing me to tears. Classes in the past have said similar things, but something about the way these kids so eloquently shared their writing almost brought me to tears.

You are the best teacher ever!

I am praying for you in Peru!

I wish you didn't have to leave me. I want you to be my teacher forever!

The kids in Peru are going to be so lucky when you get there!

I always wanted you to be my 3rd grade teacher.

I love you, Miss O'Connor, and I don't want you to leave!

I will miss you a lot, Miss O'Connor!

This morning as the children filed in for their last day of 3rd grade some came to my desk with gifts and/or cards thanking me for our year spent together. Others gave me candy they had received from our custodian wanting so badly to give me something, yet having nothing else to give. Then one little boy scribbling a quick note on a sheet of paper, covered it up as I walked by.  Later tday, on my chair near my desk was a note that said, "Miss O'Connor, please go to 4th grade with me. I don't want to leave for summer vacation without you!" My heart melted knowing the family situation and home life this child would be facing. School is his distraction; it's an escape. Another little girl hugged me at the end of the day and wouldn't let go; another child quite possibly fearful of the summer she faces away from school.

As the kids left, I had them do the usual before break "Handshake, Hug, or High Five" as they crossed the threshold from our classroom into the world. Most of the students opted for a hug, and a few hugged me and wouldn't let go. As I choked back tears, I couldn't help but smile. It's a bittersweet feeling, but when all was said and done at 2:55 today, I knew that I had given my all to these children, and I hoped that in some way they saw and felt the hope and love of Jesus Christ this year. 

I held back tears and a smile of pure joy and delight spread across my face, yet now as I type this I'm starting to feel my eyes water and my throat tighten.  I could not have asked for a better group of kids to have as my last group at NPE. I'm thankful for the mark each one has left forever on my heart, and I'm proud to call them "mine". God knew just what I needed this year as I transitioned out of this phase of life and into the next, and these kids were just it. 

Parents, if you're reading this, please know that I feel honored that you entrusted your children to me this year, and I pray many blessings over you and your families. Thank you for making 3rd grade such a fun year! Thank you for the gifts, notes, and time you have given this year!

Just a few of the things I received today that so very much touched my heart. 

~A devotional book by a missionary about Jesus's Calling

~A journal to record my adventures in Peru

~A printed Peruvian flag with information about Peru the student had researched on his own because he wanted to know more about where I would be living

~And on top of those, I received flowers, a few notepads, gift cards, and some yummy treats and refreshing soda to enjoy this summer.

The Lord's Timing is ALWAYS Right

In August 2013, I will be changing geographical locations and moving across the equator. No, this does not come as a result of the election results; although they were unfavorable in my opinion. This decision has come after a random email one September day and nearly two months of intense prayer asking that the Lord would slam the door shut if it were not meant to be. However, He didn't slam the door; in fact, He has left it wide open!

If you have kept up with my blog, you probably already know that since my sophomore year of high school I have dreamed of teaching overseas. My dreams were crushed by a professor my junior year of college, a professor who went as far as attempting to persuade me that teaching wasn't my forte. This professor, my practicum advisor, had me in tears more than once, and my residents (I was an RA that year) always knew when I had met with this particular woman. After graduating university and a second mission trip to Peru, I was reminded of my dream to live and teach in South America, and the Lord provided an opportunity to do just that for a short time from August - December in the year 2009. Ever since this experience I've dreamed of going back; yet the more I prayed, the more I felt the Lord saying, "not right now."

I have found comfort and joy in working at New Paris Elementary for the last three years. Since acquiring a third grade position at NPE, I have always said that if I have to be in the USA there is no place I'd rather be.  However, my dreams of returning to teach in Peru never subsided. Since January 2010, I have prayed for an opportunity to return to Peru to teach making a sustainable wage while also being involved in ministry outside of the school day.

In June I quit praying to return to Peru. Having moved into my own apartment in January, and feeling confident in my position at work, I decided I would let the Lord open the door when it was His time, and if He never did, I would be content. I remember going for a run, one morning in early June. I left my iPod at home; it was just me and God. I cried out to the Lord and prayed that His desires would become my desires. I told him that I was no longer going to pray for a teaching position in Peru, but that I would wait for Him to open that door in His timing, if it were His desire.

You may recall posts leading up to my trip to Peru in which I stated this year was my year for closure and good-byes. I treated it just as that, too. I had been offered two opportunities for interviews while in Peru, both of which I turned down - one at a Catholic school and the other at a missionary school in which I would be responsible to raise all of my funds. I left Peru feeling confident that Goshen, Indiana was right where I belong, and I started into the school year by consuming myself with work as not to meditate on my time in Peru. 

On September 10, everything changed. I was contacted by a school I had actually interviewed with in 2009; however, at the time the only position available was a preschool position. This time they asked me to apply for a 3rd/4th grade position. I expressed my concern of the school year beginning in February in Peru and not being able to leave my job here until June. The response I received was exciting: "We wouldn't need you until July, in time to start our 2nd semester." I asked about the pay, and I learned that after taxes my net income would be considerably more than I am making here. At first I wanted to run, to say no, and to continue life as normal, ignoring the whole ordeal. I am supposed to be here, remember?

However, the longer I let it sit and prayed about it, the more I felt the need to apply. I talked with a few Godly people whose opinions are dear to me, all of which told me this was the perfect opportunity. Upon telling my parents, my mom freaked out, and my dad didn't say much at all. I knew that would be my most difficult conversation before I even had it. I applied for the job on September 24th, and I was offered an interview on October 29. 

The whole time I prayed for an obvious sign if this were not the right thing for me. I asked the Lord to slam the door shut or to provide complete peace. After my interview I felt very confident that this opportunity was indeed from the Lord, and I waited patiently (checking my email every hour) for a response. Finally, on Monday, November 5, I received the email I had been waiting for...I was offered the job. I accepted the offer last evening.

I am thankful that I have nearly 9 months to prepare myself for the move to Peru. I know it isn't going to be easy saying good-bye, cramming what I can into 2 suitcases and a carry-on, and packing up the rest of my belongings to sit in boxes for 2.5 years. However, I have no doubt in my mind that the Lord is going to do great things in my future. I knew all along that ...este es mi ano!

If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me! I would love to answer them! :)

Why I Do It

What is my life calling? That is a question I find myself asking quite a bit recently. As I've glanced around at Master's programs, talked about moving overseas, and explored various mission organizations, I feel as if I have a world of opportunity awaiting me. Yet, I don't know which door is right to walk through. That's when I have to remind myself, over and over again, that God is in control. He will open doors, guide my steps, and use me as He sees fit in His perfect timing.

Don't get me wrong, I love teaching; but I've been feeling pretty tired and worn out recently. I'm exhausted, and some mornings, going to school is the last thing I want to do. Part of it is the end of the year syndrome, and part of it is due to classroom circumstances I feel are beyond my control. Only by the power of the Lord am I able to make it through some days without a frustration breakdown.

Today, however, I was reminded time and time again why I do what I do. As I graded Word Study sentences this evening, tears seriously started forming in my eyes.  One students wrote, "You are my best teacher, Miss O'Connor." Another stated, "Miss O'Connor is a true beauty." Still another had written, "Yesterday I laughed because Miss O'Connor was funny." While these were fun and touching sentences, it was a series of events earlier in the day that lead to me feeling especially loved by my kiddos this evening.

I did reading testing for end of the year benchmark today. Basically, I sat in a room and had student after student read with me, I asked them questions about the reading, and eventually assigned a reading level to the child all via a program on the iPad. As I looked back on where each child was at the beginning of the year, I was amazed that some had grown 6, 7, 8, and even 9 reading levels this year. I couldn't believe how far some of these kids have come. At the end of the day, when all students were completed, I sat back and had to smile thinking of all the hard work that has gone into teaching these kids to read this year and preparing them for the IREAD-3 and ISTEP tests that they recently finished.

The best part of the whole day though occurred after school through a conversation with the substitute who was in my classroom. My students make me so proud! After a tough situation in class today the substitute said she sat down with my students and told them that they needed to put the situation behind them and have a better afternoon. My students then responded by telling her that I had taught them that they needed to be praying for the situation, and that I {Miss O'Connor} pray about it, too. My heart was happy.

I guess at the end of the day (or school year), even if they still blurt out, forget to write their names on their papers, leave labels off their math answers, and argue on occasion, if I have taught them the power of prayer and obedience to the Lord, then my job is done. I may be working in a public school, but that doesn't mean my life and actions can't display Christ to all of the children I come into contact with each day. God is so good, and I'm thankful for the little reminders He provides. Those reminders recently have been proving to me that God has me right where He wants me, for such a time as this.


**While I'm seriously enjoying life, I'm still super excited for my 5 week trip to Peru in just 46 days!!

Humorous

God has a unique way of always working things out, in His timing of course. 

What a ride my life has been since college graduation. You all know most of the story, so I'll spare you the pain of reading it all once again. For those of you who don't know it goes something like this: semester subbing, semester in Peru teaching, 2 months subbing, 3 month maternity leave, temporary 1-year contract attained 4 days before start of school 2010 school year.

Since the first day of school, I've had it in the back of my mind that this position was only temporary and not to get too settled. However, working with such an amazing grade level partner, I became quite fond of the place God had placed me. I tried numerous times to block out the fact that this was just for one year, but I always failed. So instead, I began to pray that God would open a door for me to stay at this school for years to come (until He takes me back to Peru, of course). It's been a long journey filled with lots of prayer, bumps of frustration, and reminders of peace always leaving me in a fit of uncertainty.

Finally today, good news came. My contract will be renewed as temporary status for yet another year. However, the principal assures me that in the grand scheme of things this will not matter. The reason I am not labeled permanent is to enable the teacher on "leave" to continue receiving benefits until she is old enough to retire. Makes sense I suppose.

What's humorous about that you might ask? If you know me, you know that I like to have a plan. Just last week, I mailed out 10 applications to different schools in hopes of finding someone willing to hire me with one year of official experience under my belt. I've prayed over those applications and asked that God would place me in the right school. God would wait until after I send out applications to reveal to me His plan for next year, just like He waited until 4 days before school started last year and a month before school started (in Peru) the year before. 

Life never happens in my timing, so I don't know why I try to pretend I can control it. 

God always has my back, and never fails to amaze me.

How Great is Our God

My class has recently begun doing research for a nonfiction writing assignment. Each child was permitted to choose a topic of interest from our science and social studies lessons this year. They were then to take what we had learned already and develop it to another level of understanding through questioning and research. One of my students chose to research the sun, and one question she asked was, "Does the sun make sound?" First of all, I was surprised that a third grader had thought of such a question, and then I got really excited to share some of my knowledge with this child and the rest of the class.

You see, at the beginning of the month I attended a Louie Giglio (I just love his name!) event in Ft. Wayne. I haven't stopped thinking of his message and God's splendor since that night. Louie spoke about the universe praising God, and he shared clips of the universe and noises that surround us, noises that God created to praise Him. He shared Psalm 150 which begins with, "Praise the Lord". This chapter also ends by declaring, "Praise the Lord." Louie Giglio went on to share various objects in space (the sun, stars, pulsars, etc.) and zoomed in on their sounds for all to hear. I had never even considered that such objects would dare make a sound. What a concept! Next, Mr. Giglio moved on to items on earth (whales, wind, etc.). Finally, he spoke about how all creation cries out to God, but somehow humanity, one of God's most prized creations has failed to seriously praise him. We praise him shyly (if at all), and give him hardly the credit that He deserves. Our praise has become less than joyful; most of the time it is simply noise in God's ear as we sing with still faces in a routine-like fashion.

To close out the message, Louie put all of the sounds he had shared together in one glorious blend of praise. He allowed them to play and as the crowd fell to complete silence, Chris Tomlin faded in playing How Great is Our God. The blend of the sounds was incredible. Tears flooded my eyes as I realized how "in tune" creation was with Christ, yet how "out of tune" humanity seems to be. It breaks my heart to ponder the complacency of today's church. I want to be part of the change the church needs. I hope my praise to God is not simply noise to His ears.

Now back to the top...
It was because of this night with Louie Giglio that I knew that the sun makes sound as it burns. I was able to share the noise of the sun with my students, and we discussed other objects in the universe that make sound. I had a great time with my class listening to sounds of the universe for about 10 minutes. They were amazed, and I was filled with joy as one child asked, "Miss O'Connor, how is that even possible?" My answer: "God can do all things. He created the universe, and he made the sound to give him something to listen to." My students sat in silence for a moment before one child shouted out, "That's so cool!!" My heart immediately smiled :)


I haven't been able to find any youtube videos from the specific night I attended this fantastic event, but I found a similar version of the first part of the sermon. Listen if you wish.

Restless

And I'm restless, I'm restless
'Til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You
I'm restless, I'm restless
'Til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You
Oh God, I wanna rest in You

The lyrics to this song by Audrey Assad have been stuck in my head all day. My mind, body, and soul are restless. They ache for something more. I feel an emotion I cannot explain welling up within me; the deepest parts of me are restless, unsettled, and fighting for more. More of what? More passion, more fire, more strength, and more action.

When I think about the future I become ecstatic. I can't help but be certain that God has plans for me bigger than anything I could possibly imagine at this point in my life. I desire to be a part of something big, a worldwide movement for Christ. I desire to see children from devastating situations run to the arms of their heavenly Father. I desire to see this world changed for the better, and I want to be a part of it.

Teaching is a wonderful profession in which I am able to stand in my faith and share the light of Christ with my students each day. I don't have to preach at them, I may not be allowed to read my Bible to them, but I can show them Christ simply by the way I live. Just today a student asked me if I was a Christian, and my response was, "Yes, indeed I am." This little boy then went on to say, "I could tell." I know God has placed me in this profession for a purpose, and I will use my talents and knowledge to bring him glory.

However, through my recent prayers and devotions, I am feeling more and more that this is temporary...5 years, 10 years, who knows. I believe God has plans for me outside of the States. I would love nothing more than to open and run an orphanage in South America. Is that God's plan for my life? I have no idea, but at this point, I honestly believe that I will not be here in New Paris, Indiana forever.

I miss the ministries I was invovled with in Peru. I enjoy talking to my friends there and hearing all the wonderful things God is doing in them, their churches, and their ministries. I long to once again be a part of those teams. While I'm here I pray for them, and I support them as much as I can from this distance, but it just isn't the same. I'm already counting down the days to summer vacation and another visit back to my other home. I miss it so much!!

You are my deepest longing, so I see You everywhere.

It's You I'm chasing after cause I am captivated by who You are and how You move.
I'll follow You forever, God, for love of You.

For love of You, I'm a sky on fire.
For love of You, I come alive.
It's Your Sacred Heart within me beating, Your voice within me singing
out for love of You; it's all for You.

Happy Birthday LISofT

Practice...the days leading up to the big day.

My students very much enjoyed being able to

help decorate the classroom.

The stage for the plays. It turned out very nice.

First graders...The Stoning of Steven

First graders...The Conversion of Saul.

Second & Third Graders...Peter in the House of Cornelius.

Second & Third Graders...Peter's Miraculous Escape from Jail

Second & Third Graders...Peter shares the gospel with Mary and Rhoda

It was a very long week, but all of the hard work paid off today. My third week here, I wrote the plays the students acted today. We have been practicing at least one hour each day for the last two weeks not to mention the many days before that learning the Bible stories and teaching the true meanings behind the scripts. This last week my students devoted two entire days to practicing and helping to decorate the classroom. Yesterday the students came a half day for rehearsal. After the students left, we spent the afternoon decorating and preparing the last details for today.

Today we arrived at 8 a.m. to finish up anything necessary. The students came at 10:00 to put on their costumes and run through the lines one final time. The parents rotated into our classroom in three sessions. My students were very tired by the end, but they cheered up when I offered them lollipops for doing so well today. I was honestly impressed with their performances today and their overall behavior. They've come so far in the last two months...it makes a teacher proud :)

My weekend seems backwards. I have Monday off since we worked today, so it will be like having Sunday and Saturday switched. I get to go to a Peruvian ballet tomorrow for free which should be a lot of fun. The husband of one of the teachers I work with works for the theater and received 4 tickets for the ballet. I'm excited to see it. I thoroughly enjoy weekends and getting out to see different parts of the city. Each district has it's own uniqueness...it never gets old.

So I'm Going to Peru...

If you asked me two months ago where I'd be teaching in the fall, I would have told you I didn't have a clue. I would have told you that I'd hopefully be teaching in a school somewhere in or near my hometown, but there were no openings so I would most likely be substitute teaching for yet another year. However, things quickly changed after I returned from my 2nd mission trip to Lima, Peru in mid-June.

You see, since graduation in December 2008, I have prayed each day that God would provide me with a teaching position and that I would be willing to go wherever he would have me to go...even if that meant leaving my comfort zone. I believe this prayer is what lead me to seek openings in North Carolina. I went as far as taking a long weekend to fly with friends to N.C. and attend a job fair. The whole time I told the girls that something just didn't feel right to me. I was not certain that N.C. was really where God wanted me. Still in my mind, I thought this was one more piece of evidence that I was supposed to remain in Northern Indiana. Little did I know, but God had a very different idea in mind. After returning from Peru in June, I felt a pulling against my better judgement and began to seek out teaching positions in or around La Molina where the Kids Alive home is located. I wasn't sure this was really where God wanted me, and I turned down about 5 offers due to the amount of support I would have to raise. However, God spoke to me one evening and gave me a more open mind towards missions teaching, and the next day he provided an opportunity that more closely matched my needs.

I have accepted a temporary teaching contract with Lima International School of Tomorrow (a.k.a. LISOFT). This is a Christian based school with my emphasis in modern technology and teaching methods. I am going as a missionary teacher; the school provides the housing and pays me a small wage, but I must raise support to cover some of the costs such as flights, insurance, etc. I will be co-teaching grades 1-3 with a Peruvian lady. I will live in on "campus" housing which sounds to be about the equivalent of a college dorm room. I will also be volunteering at the Kids Alive home some evenings and weekends. The school year runs from March-December (their seasons are opposite of ours), so I will be coming in during the second semester and finish out the school year. At this time, I will have the opportunity to sign a two year contract or simply return home and re-enter the job search in America.

I love how God moves when we open our hearts and minds to him. I have held the dream of teaching in a Spanish culture since about my sophomore year of high school; however, I never in my wildest dreams thought I would actually have this opportunity. I'm so excited to see God work and move throughout my next 4 months in Peru.

Please pray for me as I prepare to leave on August 12, 2009!