Find a Man Who Adores You

About two weeks ago, Javier and I met a team that had come to work with Kids Alive for a week. This team came all the way from Lake Tahoe, Nevada and was in Peru for the first time. They seemed to be kind group of people as we conversed with them at the children's home and at dinner the following night. They asked the usual questions:

• Where did you get married?
• How did you meet?
• Oh, you grew up here! (to Javier) What was it like growing up in a children's home?
• Have you been to the States? (also directed towards Javier)
• Are you missionaries? / What do you do for work?

Even though this is the typical conversation we have with any international person we meet, I love it. It reminds me of the time I first met Javier. These questions cause me to reflect upon the God divine encounters we had up until I moved here in 2013. It gives me yet another opportunity to hear my dear husband share a bit of his testimony and his passion to mentor and set an example for the children in the home now. And it also takes me back to our time in Canada (as friends) in 2010 and our time in the States and Canada together at the beginning of this year as a newly engaged couple. And then, almost every time at the end of the conversation, Javier proudly takes out his cellphone and shows the new "friend" the video of his proposal, and I become a big ball sappy emotions. 

Every time we go to the children's home the girls are enthralled by my engagement ring. I, too, can't look at it without smiling, even after having worn it for the last 8 months. Not only is it beautiful and beyond what I expected, but it reminds me of a promise we made, to seek after one another, to do life together, and to fight together until our last day. 

As the girls "oooohhhh" and "aaahhhhh" over my ring, and then make similar comments about my wedding band, I have a chance to talk with them. I share with them the importance of finding a man that loves God first, that admires them and encourages them to be a better version of themselves, a man that loves them and enjoys spending time with them, that sacrifices for them, and respects them. I explain the importance of finding a man that values them, not a man that just wants to use them to appease his physical desires or a man that tries to buy their love. 

I have shared with them the beauty of having an engagement ring, and the process of arriving to that point. I've tried to express the importance of waiting for a man who will commit to them through thick and thin rather than a man who runs when times get tough. I've explained to them that the size of the diamond or the cost of the ring isn't what's most important, but it is a symbol. Javier didn't choose the biggest diamond because he wanted to buy my love; rather, he chose the biggest diamond because he wanted me to be proud. He could have chosen the smallest diamond in the world and I would have been happy simply knowing he loved me enough to take that step and commit himself to me for the rest of his life.

How did he design it? He took 3 rings I had shown him and combined them into one because he wanted me to have a ring that had all my favorite features from the 3 rings I had shown him.

So many girls who grow up without a constant male figure in their lives will run to the first man who is willing to pay attention to them. They make poor choices hoping to win the love of the boy chasing them and end up in broken or dangerous situations. My hope is that through the example Javier and I have set and the example of other Godly marriages that surround them, these girls (and boys) will value commitment, desire a Godly marriage, and wait until God brings the right man (or woman) into their lives.

Please pray for these girls and boys that Javier and I feel called to mentor and minister to. Pray that God shows us what His plans are for us concerning how to mentor and our timetables. Pray that the children are able to see something in us that they desire and to make positive life choices.

Let me leave you with the video of our engagement. Any man willing to dress up in a costume of one of your favorite cartoon characters is worth keeping. I have to say, my man is one in a minion!!

The Civil Wedding: Somewhere Between Fiancé and Wife

For those of you that have been following my blog, you've read about the difficulties Javier and I passed through trying to obtain the correct documents for marriage in Peru. We persevered and finally, after two months of stress, sweat, and tears we handed in all of the documents, passed our medical exams, and submitted our final payment for legal marriage. We set the date and we waited.

The date was May 4, 2015. Exactly 21 months after Javier first asked me to date him; a little more than a year and a half since we "officially" became boyfriend and girlfriend.

I had to smile because when I first started dating Javier he told me he knew that I was the girl he would marry. I wasn't quite so sure in the early stages of dating, but I agreed to embark on the journey and see how the Lord would guide and direct us as individuals and in our relationship. The catch was, he had every intention of marrying me, but he made it very clear that he wouldn't marry me for a minimum of 3 years so that we had plenty of time to get to know one another (as if 4 years of friendship prior to dating hadn't allowed us to get to know one another at least a little bit).

Here we are not even two years later: married by law but waiting for the "religious" (traditional) wedding service to live as a married couple - under the same roof, sharing the same bank accounts, etc.

The civil wedding was anti-climactic to say the least. Honestly, I'm thankful it wasn't more than it was. After wading through so much paperwork leading up to the date, it felt like we had dressed up to sign more paperwork. I don't feel married, but I do enjoy calling Javier my husband and hearing him thank God for his wife when he prays.

To put it simple:

• We arrived early and we waited in the lobby to be called back to the ceremony room.
• We stood before the "judge" with our witnesses on both sides, and we listened to the laws of marriage as they were read to us.
• He asked Javier if he agreed to the laws. Javier responded, "Sí!"
• He asked me if I agreed to the laws, and I also responded, "Sí!"
• We exchanged rings.
• We signed the marriage license and stamped our fingerprints beside our signatures.
• We kissed.
• Finally, we went outside to take a few pictures.

It took 10 minutes...literally!! 

Months of hassle, frustration, and tears: incorrect documents, waiting for correct documents to arrive, missing pieces of my residency. A great lesson in patience. A time of growth in our relationship with each other. Another experience to add to the list of ways Peru is not like the USA. 

And tonight, I find myself preparing to return to work tomorrow after a 10 day break. When people ask, I am still a Señorita. However, to close friends and family I have become a Señora. 

I'm somewhere between a fiancé and a wife - not fully one or the other. 

As I explained to Javier, it's a good thing labels are just that...labels. Our relationship has consisted of a lot of confusion in that department. Dating but not quite boyfriend/girlfriend. Wedding planning but not officially engaged. And now, married but waiting for the July ceremony to receive the blessing from God upon our marriage. 

Since Javier won't let me share the civil wedding pictures on my Facebook (as not to confuse our friends), I'll share a few with you here. 

Waiting for the ceremony with Mike and Diane Fietje.

Mike was a witness for our wedding.

Listening to the laws.

Signing the marriage license.

Exchanging the rings.

Stamping fingerprints.

Showing off our rings which are our actual wedding bands.

We only wore them for the day, and now they are safely put away until the July ceremony.

We're married!

Showing off our certificate of marriage.

Pictures after the ceremony with Nancy Miller.

Javier's mom and one of our witnesses for the wedding.

Thank you for you prayers over our marriage as we begin this new adventure together.
"Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate."
Mark 10:9 (NIV) 

Legal Paperwork Part 2

Warning: If you haven't read the February post titled "The Chronicles of the Apostrophe" this post probably won't make much sense, so go on over and read that first.

This week my birth certificate arrived via a lovely family that came to Peru and travelled all the way to Cuzco. On their way back home they had a flight through Lima in which I was to meet them at the airport to retrieve the long awaited document. To make a long story short: confusion of dates and sickness kept me from going to the airport. Javier ended up going to the airport by himself as a detour on his way to work Monday evening. And alas we have the document in hand.

Before taking my birth certificate and letter verifying I have never been married to be translated, Javier  made a stop at the mayor's office to ensure that we had all of the proper documentation. He accepted the documents, but found an error with my residency. Of course nothing in this country can be simple...

In Peru, I have to update my residency yearly to prove that I am still here working. There is also an annual fee I have to pay. Usually they put a sticker on the back of your resident card to show that you have paid and updated your status. However, the law has changed, and now it is all in the computer system. They are no longer using the stickers, but when you enter the numbers into the government system, then it shows up at that I am legally in the country.

Unfortunately, the elderly man in charge of legal weddings here where I live didn't want to take Javier's word nor the documents I had stating that I have paid and am legal. Javier tried to explain the situatoin, but the man only wanted to ee the sticker on my resident card or there would be no wedding.

Thankfully, Javier has a way with words, and he convinced the man to call the immigration office. After a short exchange, the man nodded his head in approval, and Javier was on his way to drop off my paperwork with a legal translator. We picked up the paperwork on Friday, and everything is now placed in a plastic report folder waiting to be turned in. Next we have to do medical screenings and then publish our marriage in the paper for 8 days. Then, we will finally be able to set a date for the legal ceremony.

It's been quite the exhausting, frustrating process. I've cried in the office at the municipality more than once, and I've spent a lot of time in prayer that everything would work out. At one point I even asked God if this was his sign that we shouldn't be getting married - which I later decided wasn't the reason, but that perhaps God is trying to teach me patience.

As all Peruvians say, "Por algo ." Meaning: There is a reason.

Hopefully, all of this to say, that by the end of April, I should be a legally married woman. However, we are still waiting until the "religious" (traditional) ceremony to take place before we will consider ourselves to be married.

Thank you all for your continued prayers. Let me leave you with another picture from our engagement session.

The Chronicles of the Apostrophe

"This will be something we look back on one day and laugh about," responded Javier to my aggravation over a missed apostrophe in my last name, O'Connor. 

You see, here in Peru you must have a legal wedding before you can have the religious (traditional) wedding ceremony. The legal ceremony consists of the laws of marriage being stated, the exchanging of vows and rings, and the signing of the marriage certificate. It would be similar to going to the courthouse to receive your marriage license in the States but on a much larger scale. Most couples do the legal ceremony just days before the religious wedding.

However, as a foreigner things are a bit different. You see, there are 2 documents you are supposed to get in your home country to bring to Peru for the legal ceremony. The first is a letter stating that you are not married and have never been married (or in some cases a letter proving that you are divorced and legally eligible for marriage). The second is a birth certificate. Both documents are to have an apostille.To make things more complicated, the couple must marry within 60 days of the date marked on the documents.

For Javier and I that meant that upon returning to Peru we'd have about a month and a half to legally be married even though our traditional ceremony isn't until July. And We worked so hard to get everything in order to take the the town hall, and we were denied because my birth certificate wasn't written with an apostrophe in my last name.

After a trip to the US Embassy, I spent the evening writing an affidavit claiming that I am the same person with or without the apostrophe in my last name. I received a scanned copy of the original birth certificate issued at birth which included an apostrophe, and I made copies of all of my documents. We realized my driver's license also does not have an apostrophe which we thought would benefit us in the process. Javier spent hours carefully translating the affidavit into Spanish, and we took it to the US Embassy to be signed and sealed. In talking with the lawyer at the US Embassy I was promised that this is a procedure they do often and that it is an acceptable way of verifying the legality of my birth certificate since the US Embassy cannot issue a birth certificate.

We were so relieved to have the documents in hand, and we returned to the town hall only to be denied again. The man in charge of the district where I live wasn't willing to accept the affidavit. He claimed that I could have asked any friend of mine to sign and seal it, and he demanded a birth certificate with an apostrophe or that I change all of my documents to be without. 

So I spent hours on the phone with my mother and the State of Indiana Health Department. I was told it would be impossible to put an apostrophe in my name because the software they use doesn't allow extra characters. I talked to another lady who seemed willing to help, but after 15 minutes on hold, I hung up. I called the next morning and talked to a very helpful lady who was able to do just what I needed. 

Finally, 2 weeks later, we think we have everything sorted out. Now we are waiting for the birth certificate to arrive with the apostille, so that we can have the document translated and finally be legally married in Peru, hopefully before the date on the letter stating that I am single"expires" in the early part of March. 

I never knew an apostrophe was so important. In the States it doesn't seem to matter if it is there or not - credit cards, driver's license, etc. However, here in Peru they seem to think that I am two different people. One person has an apostrophe in her last name and the other person does not.

I just hope that Javier is right that this will be something we laugh about one day. Right now the joke in the midst of all the wedding planning is, "...if we get married" not because we don't want to, but legally at this point it is impossible. 

God is testing our patience and perserverance. He is testing our love for one another and our willingness to do whatever it takes to be together. God has a plan for this, and while we don't understand why this happened, we know that at the end of it all we will get to spend the rest of our lives together. And eventually I'll change my last name, so hopefully there are no more errors of forgotten apostrophes. 

And I'll leave you with a few pictures from the proposal just for fun.

 151 days until the wedding!