GO and Make Disciples: May 2012

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Why I Do It

What is my life calling? That is a question I find myself asking quite a bit recently. As I've glanced around at Master's programs, talked about moving overseas, and explored various mission organizations, I feel as if I have a world of opportunity awaiting me. Yet, I don't know which door is right to walk through. That's when I have to remind myself, over and over again, that God is in control. He will open doors, guide my steps, and use me as He sees fit in His perfect timing.

Don't get me wrong, I love teaching; but I've been feeling pretty tired and worn out recently. I'm exhausted, and some mornings, going to school is the last thing I want to do. Part of it is the end of the year syndrome, and part of it is due to classroom circumstances I feel are beyond my control. Only by the power of the Lord am I able to make it through some days without a frustration breakdown.

Today, however, I was reminded time and time again why I do what I do. As I graded Word Study sentences this evening, tears seriously started forming in my eyes. One students wrote, "You are my best teacher, Miss O'Connor." Another stated, "Miss O'Connor is a true beauty." Still another had written, "Yesterday I laughed because Miss O'Connor was funny." While these were fun and touching sentences, it was a series of events earlier in the day that lead to me feeling especially loved by my kiddos this evening.

I did reading testing for end of the year benchmark today. Basically, I sat in a room and had student after student read with me, I asked them questions about the reading, and eventually assigned a reading level to the child all via a program on the iPad. As I looked back on where each child was at the beginning of the year, I was amazed that some had grown 6, 7, 8, and even 9 reading levels this year. I couldn't believe how far some of these kids have come. At the end of the day, when all students were completed, I sat back and had to smile thinking of all the hard work that has gone into teaching these kids to read this year and preparing them for the IREAD-3 and ISTEP tests that they recently finished.

The best part of the whole day though occurred after school through a conversation with the substitute who was in my classroom. My students make me so proud! After a tough situation in class today the substitute said she sat down with my students and told them that they needed to put the situation behind them and have a better afternoon. My students then responded by telling her that I had taught them that they needed to be praying for the situation, and that I {Miss O'Connor} pray about it, too. My heart was happy.

I guess at the end of the day (or school year), even if they still blurt out, forget to write their names on their papers, leave labels off their math answers, and argue on occasion, if I have taught them the power of prayer and obedience to the Lord, then my job is done. I may be working in a public school, but that doesn't mean my life and actions can't display Christ to all of the children I come into contact with each day. God is so good, and I'm thankful for the little reminders He provides. Those reminders recently have been proving to me that God has me right where He wants me, for such a time as this.

**While I'm seriously enjoying life, I'm still super excited for my 5 week trip to Peru in just 46 days!!

Friday, May 4, 2012

Torn but Spoken For

Some friends and I took a semi-impromptu trip to Washington, DC last weekend. I had a 3 day weekend off school, so I thought it'd be a great idea to get away. It was nice to be out of this town and spend some time with friends I don't really hang out with much. It was a fun, exhausting weekend away, but totally worth it. I gained a new appreciation for my country, and I felt proud to be a citizen of this nation. It was a feeling I have only felt a few times in the past, but not a daily point of gratitude I recognize in my life.

My heart, mind, and soul are divided. I have a great life here in the U.S. but {most of} you know that I feel called to Peru. That is where I feel happiest and the most at peace. I feel content here, but often I find myself just living the day to day life without realizing my purpose. Is it wrong to be content here? I don't believe so. Does God use me more effectively in Peru than He does here? I honestly can't say that He does. So why do I feel more "useful" living in Peru and serving there than I do here in the U.S.? I have no idea.

On our very long drive home, I spent some time reading the Bible and thinking about God's calling on my life. I don't think being here is wrong by any means. Honestly, the longer I'm here, the more I'm enjoying it. Moving out of my parents' house has been wonderful. Yes, I do miss them, but I feel more settled and less "in waiting". Yet, still, not a day goes by that Peru isn't on my mind. Whether it comes up in my classroom, an interesting post on Facebook, or a Spanish conversation with Peruvian friends, my days are filled with memories of life in Peru.

As I pondered God's calling, and read His word, my focus shifted from my desires and residency here on Earth to God's purpose and my citizenship in heaven. It's not about me, and it doesn't matter where I live, God will and does use me each and every day for His purposes. In my classroom here in America or at the orphanage in Peru, God uses me, and none of that is by mistake. He has me where He wants me in my job each day, and he provides opportunities for ministry in Peru during my summer vacations. In a way, I've got the best of both worlds.

Ultimately, it does not matter where I live on Earth. As long as I'm open, God will use me where I am. I'm not going to earn a higher place in heaven because I lived in Peru. My citizenship is in heaven, and that is all that matters!!

Ephesians 3:17-21 ~ 17 Join together in following my example, brothers and sisters, and just as you have us as a model, keep your eyes on those who live as we do. 18 For, as I have often told you before and now tell you again even with tears, many live as enemies of the cross of Christ. 19 Their destiny is destruction, their god is their stomach, and their glory is in their shame. Their mind is set on earthly things. 20 But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, 21 who, by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body.

And what's a post about finding my American identity without a few pictures? Enjoy :)