Longing

I'm beginning to wonder if this feeling will ever go away. I feel a constant longing deep in my soul. The depths of my heart, once filled with love for orphans and those less fortunate than myself, now feel empty. My mind wanders to thoughts of things past, my other life as I like to refer to it. I go in spurts...one minute I feel content where I am, I trust that God has me here at this time for a purpose, and I do what I can to serve Him while in this place. However, just minutes later I am overcome by the above described feelings; feelings of emptiness, brokenness, and longing desire.

I know that God has big plans for Peru. I know that God is moving amongst my friends there and the people whom I worked with day in and day out. I know God is raising up dear children as disciples for His cause. The people of Peru are open to God, and they look to him for even the smallest needs. I long to be there with them, living amongst them, learning from them, and sharing life with them.

However, since that is not the plan God has put before me at this time, I battle each day to live with the eyes of God. I struggle to be content here, but I know that this is God's plan for the time being. I don't think my work in Peru is done; however, I think I need to be conditioned and changed in order to best serve the people of Peru when I return.

It's a battle every day, but I get by with a little help from my friends. Conversations with friends still in Peru are always an encouragement, and they help me feel a bit more connected to my life there. God is faithful, and I know that He's not finished with me yet!

Time Flies

A year ago this month I returned home after a 4 month teaching experience in Peru. Tonight, I'm feeling very "homesick" for my friends, the kids, and that life in general. This week has been a blessing as I have been able to squeeze in some time to catch up with a few dear Peruvian friends of mine. It's been a while since I've been able to just sit down and chat with a few of them, but Jesus has provided multiple encounters with those friends this week, and I am grateful for that. Just when I feeling very "homesick", God has provided an outlet and people to talk to that help me feel a little bit better, but make me miss it a little bit more. I'm so thankful for my friends in Peru. They have taught me so much, and each one of them has been a great blessing in my live. Here's a few pictures just for fun and memories :)

Love is a Motive

God's been working on my heart this month. He's put in my place many times, and He's been reminding me each day that He's the one in charge. The convictions keep coming my way, and while it can be frustrating, it's also rewarding.

I've been reading through the book of John with a friend. God has really been convicting me of being a true Christian. As I read I've been questioning my faith, and I've been challenged to make it stronger. My faith is big in my heart, but my actions in this world are small.

I had a conversation the other day with a Peruvian friend about serving and prayer. We had a very similar conversation last year around this time, and it actually again was brought up in Bible study tonight. You see, this man is a man of faith. He is prayer warrior for Christ, and his faith that Christ can and will provide for each one of his needs is stronger than most people I know. In all three conversations the basis of the topic was love...love for Christ leads to love for others.

Tonight at Bible study we read 1st Corinthians 13...the LOVE chapter. We talked about love as a motive, and I related this to the ,conversation I had with my friend earlier this week and year ago. In that conversation, my friend was telling me about all of the Americans that come to Peru to glorify themselves. He told me that he could easily spot someone who came down to serve in the ministry because they loved God and loved his people. He also told me that he has learned to easily spot those people who come to Peru to serve themselves and return home saying, "look what I did." He, too, mentioned love being the motive.

Serving because you want to bring glory to yourself leads you to be an ineffective witness and can sometimes turn others away from Christ. You get easily frustrated with the work, you lose patience with the lack of available resources, you become irritated at the different way of doing things, etc. However, when one chooses to serve others out of love for Christ and the mission Christ has set before us, the stakes change. Those you are serving see your heart, they notice your act of kindness, and they feel loved because you are loving on them through service. People are drawn to you when you serve in this way, and they want to know why you choose to serve them when you have "better things" to do with your time. They are drawn to Christ because you are a model of Christ's love to them.

Last year I was in Peru to serve. I was not there to bring glory to myself or have people say great things about me. I was there because God gave me a love for the people of Peru, and God provided an amazing opportunity for me to share life with them, even though it was only for a short time. Viewing love as a motive has really helped to shape my perspective in the last 18 months. Love is more than a word, it isn't just a feeling. Love is action. Love takes work and perserverence, but love always wins.

On a side note, through this friend, I've also been challenged to step up my prayer life and my faith that God does answer prayers. I've got a lot to work on, I suppose!!

Mi Dios Es Tan Grande

Talk about spiritual warfare. If it isn't something personal to me being attacked, it is someone close to me. It seems as if one thing comes after another, and it is making me sick to my stomach. I pray that it will end, but then again...no one ever said being a Christian was easy. If anyone understands that, the Apostle Paul knew it full well.

In the last month multiple friends have come to me with prayer needs for wrong choices and/or injustice. Add to that the sickness and physical pain of those around us, and it becomes obvious that this world we live in is a dark, nasty place.

I am learning more and more about the Bible and it's truth each day. As I currently study 1 Corinthians, Galatians, John, and Proverbs (all for different purposes), I am seeing similar themes of salvation and living a Christian life. I find hope and encouragement. I find peace that only a living Savior can provide. I am learning now more than ever what it means to cling to the cross, carry every need before our Creator, and to depend on him for wisdom, strength, and healing.

Paul's life is a perfect example of strength and perserverance even in the most difficult circumstances. He was imprisoned multiple times for preaching the gospel, yet he never gave up. He was blunt, honest, and personal with those around him wanting nothing more than to see people saved. God gave him huge responsibilities because God knew that Paul could handle it. 1st Corinthians 10:13 says, "No temptation  has seized you except that which is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." Paul never gave up when things got tough.

I am thankful for Paul's example. I am grateful to God that he is big and mighty. Like the Spanish song says, "Mi Dios es tan grande, tan fuerte, poderoso. No hay nada q no pueda hacer." I pray that even in the tough situations and the moments of spiritual warfare that I never forget the God of the universe who loves me enough to care about me, an insignificant human being living on this earth with 6 billion plus other human beings. I pray that through conversations and mentoring relationships that I would have the words of God to speak to others that would reveal to them the love of Christ and the power of his resurrection. I pray the I not give up in the tough times and that I would perservere to the end.

God is in control, and I will not let Satan defeat me!

Restless

And I'm restless, I'm restless
'Til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You
I'm restless, I'm restless
'Til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You
Oh God, I wanna rest in You

The lyrics to this song by Audrey Assad have been stuck in my head all day. My mind, body, and soul are restless. They ache for something more. I feel an emotion I cannot explain welling up within me; the deepest parts of me are restless, unsettled, and fighting for more. More of what? More passion, more fire, more strength, and more action.

When I think about the future I become ecstatic. I can't help but be certain that God has plans for me bigger than anything I could possibly imagine at this point in my life. I desire to be a part of something big, a worldwide movement for Christ. I desire to see children from devastating situations run to the arms of their heavenly Father. I desire to see this world changed for the better, and I want to be a part of it.

Teaching is a wonderful profession in which I am able to stand in my faith and share the light of Christ with my students each day. I don't have to preach at them, I may not be allowed to read my Bible to them, but I can show them Christ simply by the way I live. Just today a student asked me if I was a Christian, and my response was, "Yes, indeed I am." This little boy then went on to say, "I could tell." I know God has placed me in this profession for a purpose, and I will use my talents and knowledge to bring him glory.

However, through my recent prayers and devotions, I am feeling more and more that this is temporary...5 years, 10 years, who knows. I believe God has plans for me outside of the States. I would love nothing more than to open and run an orphanage in South America. Is that God's plan for my life? I have no idea, but at this point, I honestly believe that I will not be here in New Paris, Indiana forever.

I miss the ministries I was invovled with in Peru. I enjoy talking to my friends there and hearing all the wonderful things God is doing in them, their churches, and their ministries. I long to once again be a part of those teams. While I'm here I pray for them, and I support them as much as I can from this distance, but it just isn't the same. I'm already counting down the days to summer vacation and another visit back to my other home. I miss it so much!!

You are my deepest longing, so I see You everywhere.

It's You I'm chasing after cause I am captivated by who You are and how You move.
I'll follow You forever, God, for love of You.

For love of You, I'm a sky on fire.
For love of You, I come alive.
It's Your Sacred Heart within me beating, Your voice within me singing
out for love of You; it's all for You.

The Perfect Getaway

No, I did not title this after the movie, but rather because God knew I needed a short trip far away from anything normal. He knew I needed to spend some time away from the busyness of life and just relax in his creation. This weekend's whirlwind trip to Canada may have been exhausting, but it was everything I needed and more.

It was wonderful to be in nature, to be away from cable tv, internet, my cellphone, and everything else that comes with this high technology world in which we live (including heat). We even had a limited supply of water which meant only 1 shower all weekend and only flushing the toilet when necessary. It was nice to wake up with the sun, spend the entire day without a schedule; to sit in awe of the gorgeous changing leaves that surrounded our cottage on the lake and bask in the glory of our Savior. I got my Peruvian fix on a small level...music, a bit of Spanish language, and some quality time with a crazy Peruvian friend.

Highlights of the trip included: hiking to a waterfall (aka a dam), taking the canoe out for a trip around the lake, relaxing in the sunshine, spontaneously jumping into freezing cold water, sitting outside alone praying & admiring creation, failing at building a campfire due to wet wood, stargazing while shivering under blankets, and living simply. Saturday felt like the longest day in the world, but it was the best day I've had in a while.

God knew before we left that this trip was everything I needed and more. He had been preparing this trip for a while, and despite it being cancelled last weekend, God had a plan. This trip could not have come at a better time. Thank you Jesus for always giving me exactly what I need when I need it.

Memories

I'm a big fan of memories. I enjoy looking back on the past and smiling at all the good things God has blessed me with. However, sometimes those memories also remind me of lessons I've learned along the way.

Tonight on the way home from Ft. Wayne, a friend and I shared her iPod headphones in order to drown out the awful talk radio being played by the driver...haha :-) This reminded me of the many days/nights riding in the back of taxis in Peru, sharing my iPod, and enjoying the company of a special friend.

I was also reminded that this friend changed the way I will forever treat dating. Here in the United States, I often feel the pressure of the world around me to get married. I have a lot of single friends, but I also have a good amount of friends that are married, some even with children. I'm worried that I'll fall into this "need" to be married and settle for someone less than I deserve.

I often have to remind myself that this same friend I shared my iPod with, also taught me what it means to have a Godly relationship. I remember many nights we'd spend reading the Bible together, discussing our devotions, praying together, or worshipping God with our voices and a guitar. Even now that we're over a thousand miles apart, on separate continents, our monthly conversations often lead to Godly discussions of the things we're learning, things we're struggling with, and ways God is working in our lives.

I don't know who God is preparing to be my future husband, but I know that he will be an amazing man. I pray he is a man of God that will challenge me to be a better person and a stronger, more faithful follower of Christ. I pray that he has a heart for South America, a love for children, and a longing desire to serve outside the U.S.

Breaking

I'm a happy person; I really am. However, the smile on my face somedays is only an image that covers part of what's going on inside.

I miss fellowship with Christian friends. I miss living in community with a body of believers. I'm dying inside, and my heart aches for so much more.

The people who know me best (aside from my family) live a minimum of 2 hours away. The people I would
trust with any area of my life aren't as easliy available as they once were.

I have a life here; God has me here for a reason. However, it's so hard to go out with friends and have shallow, empty conversations. It's hard to spend time with people who don't challenge me or encourage me to be a better person and a stronger Christian. Yes they are my friends, but I miss deep friendships.

Thankfully, despite my lack of deep friendships in my hometown, I am daily encouraged by a wonderful, God loving workplace. I may work in a public school, but the staff I work with is one of the most God-focused groups of people I know. My job is to educate children, but along with that comes the example I set for them. I know without a doubt God placed me where I am to share his love with those around me. I pray that the time I spend with my students will lead them to want to make a difference in this world. I pray that they would see God's love flowing through me, and that they would desire to know him as their personal Saviour. That prayer is what keeps me going and what keeps me desiring more of the Lord. Without his help, I cannot give these children what they deserve from me.

I may be breaking apart on the inside, but God keeps me going. Just like tonight, as I wrote this post I was interrupted by a real conversation with a true friend...a friend whom I trust, a friend whom I know will always be there for me, a friend whom I miss very much!

Thanks God for wiping my tears and providing that for me tonight :)

Hearts United

Hoy fui a un café con una amiga para preparar mis lecciones por la semana. Cuando yo estaba pidiendo mi cafe un hombre detras de yo me preguntó, "qué significa HU?" Lo expliqué como un grupo que empezó en Lima, Peru y tiene el propósito de ayudar gente y compartir el amor de Dios. Le dije que viví en Peru y ahora estoy aqui en Indiana para pasar la voz y compartir el amor de mi Dios. Con esa respuesta el hombre me dijo, "Que pena que no hay mas gente con esa visión."

Fui a sentar a la mesa con mi amiga. Ella estaba escribiendo y yo empecé a preparar mis lecciones. Pero no podría concentrar en la escuela, mis alumnos, y la semana que viene. Solo pensé en el hombre y qué significa HU...Hearts United. Este nombre Hearts United no es solo un grupo...es algo mas. Es gente que tuvieron un pensamiento en como podrian compartir el amor de Dios y pasar la voz de salvacion a todo el mundo. Que buena obra.

Imagina un mundo con todos unidos en Cristo. Cada dia estoy con gente que no conocen Dios. Mis alumnos y unos de mis amigos. Caminar por el dia haciendo mis trabajos sin hablando de Dios. Es mas dificil en el colegio publico porque solo puedo mostrar como amar como Dios me ama, pero con mis amigos no hay ningún razón para que yo no puedo compartir acerca de salvación y Cristo. Tambien en la calle, no hablo de Cristo mucho...qué pena!

Hay muchos que necesitan conocer el amor de Dios y su salvación, pero los Cristianos no están haciendo su trabajo. Dios nos dio un mandamiento...en Mateo 28:19 dice, "vayan y hagan discípulos de todas las naciones". Por qué es tan dificil para hacerlo?

Cuán grande sería nuestro mundo si los cristianos hicieron su trabajo y el mundo se unió en Cristo a causa de un movimiento que comenzó con Corazones Unidos?

Following the Call

Don’t ask what the world needs.

Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it,

because what the world needs is people who have come alive.

~Howard Thurman~

This quote has become a favorite of mine in the past few years. There are so many people in our world that are self focused. They think very little of the needs in the world; rather, they focus solely on themselves and how they can get ahead. Others wander through life as zombies; they simply go through the motions without much ambition or excitement about anything...often holding bitterness inside their hearts.

I have known since a young age that I wanted to work with children. At that time, I had no clue what God would have me do with children, but I knew my life would be devoted to working with them in some way. Years later, I entered college, studied education, and found my passion in life....teaching!!

Just three weeks ago, I was beginning to doubt my call to teaching. I still hadn't found a teaching job in the States, and while I thought this was where God wanted me (for the time being) I was very uncertain. I prayed and prayed, seeking the will of God, yet feeling clueless and empty. My heart longed to be in Peru, but God kept telling me that now was not the time. I didn't understand...why would God keep me in the U.S. and not provide me with a job in which I could use my passion?

Two weeks ago, I had an interview that changed everything. I went into the interview very skeptical...I was up against three other very qualified candidates. I wanted this job more than anything, but I went into the interview and left not knowing what to expect. However, the following day I received a call. Before I answered, I said a quick prayer asking God that I would be accepting of whatever the response on the other end might be. To my surprise, I was offered a job as a third grade teacher in a great school. I was ecstatic!! God was finally giving me the answer I had been diligently praying for for months. I had four days to tear apart, decorate, and put back together a classroom as well as organize curriculum and plan for the first day of school. I was overwhelmed, but the excitement far outweighed the stress I should have been feeling.

In my opinion, I have the best job in the world. I work with an amazing, Godly staff, and my students are kind, loving, and a pleasure to work with. While I'm still a bit overwhelmed by how quickly I've had to pull everything together, I feel alive each morning when I walk into my classroom. I feel happy, excited, and ready to take on any challenge that comes my way (ok...maybe not any, but most of them). I finally have a classroom of my own where I can use a teaching style I prefer.

While my heart's desire is to return to Peru and work in orphanages there, I know that God's plan for my life has me right here, right now. I trust that one day He will lead me back, but it is all a matter of His timing. For the time being, I am a proud 3rd grade teacher at New Paris Elementary, and I couldn't be happier!! Now instead of praying for a job in order to be able to use my passion, I pray daily for my students...I pray that I would be an excellent role model, that my students would see God's love through me, and that I am an effective educator. God is so good!!

Rewarding Experiences

On this gorgeous Saturday afternoon, I find myself not out enjoying the sunshine but rather sitting in a cafe reviewing interview questions and wondering what God's perfect plan for my life is. I'm learning to be content where I am, find God's purposes for me in the here and now, and to take things one day at a time. It's been a year long learning experience with life leading me in multiple different directions, but obviously I'm not done learning. I used to have a plan for my life, and now I have not one idea what my life could look like in a week. God's changed me a lot in the last year, and I am so thankful for his work in my life.

One question I came across today as I review question upon question was, "What has been your most rewarding life experience?" Wow!! To think I'm only 23 years old and I can barely narrow it down to just one helped me to realize just how very blessed I am. However, as I pondered this question and thought deeply about my past, I realized that there is only one obvious answer...my experiences with Kids Alive - Peru.

The first time I went to Peru in 2007, I was very unsure of myself and my reasons for being part of a team of 15 others I hardly knew. Yet, God knew exactly what he was doing. After spending 2 weeks in La Molina and Manchay with these dear children, my life has never been the same. This trip was what got me excited about missions, and ultimately it changed the course of my life. Upon returning to Peru to again work with Kids Alive in 2009, I was amazed that the children still remembered me by name. Not only did they remember me, but they asked me about some of the team members that had come 2 years ago. These kids remember everything, and they made me feel loved and important. However, I had not returned to Peru for a self-esteem boost. I returned to do the work of God and serve the Peruvian people.

This in turn lead to my most rewarding life experience...my 4.5 months of living in Peru. I was stretched and challenged to move beyond my comfort zone. I grew as a person, as a Christian, and as a teacher. God molded me during this time and drastically changed my life from self-centeredness to God-focused. He brought me friends that were more passionate about Christ than anyone I know here in the States (sorry friends). He took my life and taught me firsthand that this life is not my own, but it belongs to the God who created me. He is in charge!

Living in Peru is by far the most rewarding experience of my 23 (almost 24) years of life. It was not easy, but my time there brought me to be the God loving, God fearing woman I now am. I learned to put others before myself, love as God loves, and see the eternal rewards rather than the earthly ones. I would not be who I am or where I am had it not been for this experience.

As badly as I wish to go back and serve in Peru, God has told me now is not the time. I know I'll be back one day. I just have to wait for his timing. He continues to mold me and shape me each day; he's showing me his perfect ways, and I'm continually learning to be obedient to the call he's placed on my life. Slowly things are making a bit more sense, one day at a time.

Commitment...

It's a big word with deep roots and large responsibilities. It's intimidating and scary, but exciting all at the same time. We commit to our relationships with others as friends and/or lovers. We commit to jobs, activities, church, etc. However, there is one commitment that far exceeds the others...our commitment to Christ. This is the only commitment with eternal rewards if we accept Christ or eternal consequences if we reject him.

I've been realizing more and more that I'm afraid of commitment. The only commitment I feel good about is my commitment to Christ, and sometimes the depth of that even relies on how busy my day is. I've learned that friendships are too often subject to location and seasons of life. Friends come and go and sometimes good-byes hurt. I dislike that I met so many great people in high school, college, and Peru, but now there are only a handful that I remain in contact with. The rest have become distant memories and people I continue to pray for. Some days I feel like I'm walking through life wondering when my closest friends will become only memories, too.

As much as I want a teaching job, a teaching contract scares me. I'm afraid once I sign for a job I will be committing to staying in that location/school forever. It saddens me to think I may never live overseas again once I sign a school contract (if I ever get offered one). I love the U.S. but I just don't know that I'm ready to spend the rest of my life here.

This fear in turn leads me to be skeptical of a commitment in dating and marriage. I don't want to commit to someone who doesn't wan tot travel to South America for missions. I won't commit to someone with an inward focus, but would consider someone who loves people and desires to help the needy in this world. I'm not ready to settle for someone who will give me reason to stay in the U.S. forever.

For 7 months I've avoided committing to activities or getting too involved in things. I keep saying, "I don't know where I'll get a job." What if I never get a job? What if I do stay here? I can't just wait for life to take me somewhere, yet I don't want to join something and then turn around and quit right away.

Like I said...commitment is a big deal. I wish I wasn't so afraid of it! I wish I had a book telling me exactly what God has in store for my life and what/who I should or shouldn't commit to.

Dreams, Waiting, and a Beating Heart

Awhile back I posted an entry about a challenge I had been given to write down my dreams. Since taking that challenge, I have thought long and hard about my dreams and how they fit into the plan God has for my life. I've often wondered if some of those dreams are too big or if they are unrealistic. I've found myself doubting my ability to handle some of the challenges that I may face in accomplishing these dreams, and I've found myself telling the Devil to leave me alone for I know these thoughts of doubt come from him.

My heart aches for Peru; it's a kind of pain I desire to have for my own nation. However, when I look at the great things we have here, I only become bitter and think to myself, these people do not know true poverty or how to fully depend on God for the smallest need; they do not even have gratitude. My strongest desire is to be in Peru, but I know that for the time being, God has a plan for me here in the United States.

A few days ago I went out for dinner with a friend who is one of the strongest women of God (my age) that I have ever known. I always leave her presence feeling encouraged and a little bit closer to the heart of God. Having not seen here since I left for Peru last August, we had a lot to catch up on. As we shared stories and explained varying life events that have occurred over the last 10 months, I felt the presence of God and could hear him speaking to me through both the things my friend had to say and the thoughts running rampantly through my head. One thing she shared with me that really struck me was the analogy of our life in correlation to a heartbeat. Let me explain:

Our life is like a heartbeat in that it is always beating, always moving, always doing something. Sometimes it slows down for periods of time and during other moments it races. Sometimes we can feel our heart beating in our chest with excitement and adrenaline, but other times we do not feel it at all yet we still know it's there, working, and necessary. However, no matter what time we're in, we are being used just like our hearts.

I feel right now that I'm in one of these calm, barely feel myself moving sort of times. I have dreams, BIG DREAMS, dreams that will take me to a place of high excitement and full adrenaline (teaching overseas, a career as an elementary administrator, and running an orphanage in South America...more specifically Peru). However, right now I'm struggling to find just how God wants to use me. I'm enjoying my work as a summer 'day camp' leader, yet I feel like I'm missing something. I feel as if I'm not doing enough; I feel as if I'm just going through the motions waiting for something bigger. I thought a teaching job this fall would bring me to a point of feeling used again, but I am doubtful of obtaining a job due to the horrid economy. I think often of returning to the mission field overseas, and I remember the joy and excitement those times brought me. However, I understand that I need to be living here and now. God has a purpose for me where I am; if He didn't, I wouldn't be here. My prayer today is that: No matter how 'boring' or 'unexciting' my life might be, I would be fully tuned into the voice of God, that He would be using me to accomplish his task, and that I would be an obedient servant.

Life isn't always going to be racing, filled with excitement and adrenaline, but it does have to be moving forward and living. If our hearts beat full power all the time, we'd be on medication for high blood pressure. These "down times" are necessary to recharge us, refocus us, and refresh us for the next larger task ahead. ]

Lord, I'm ready whenever you are. Use me in whatever way you choose here or there. My ears are open and my feet are ready. Te amo mucho, mi Padre Celestial!

Reflection

I am so incredibly thankful for and blessed by the time I was able to recently spend in Peru. It wasn't at all the vacation I expected, but in many ways it was much better. God's hand was definitely with me on this trip, and He knew exactly what I needed in order to come home feeling refreshed and reminded why I love Peru so much. Shannon was a great host, and in many cases, I picked up right where I left off just 6 months ago.

I was able to really get to know some of the leaders and children in Manchay, and I enjoyed working with the kids up there. Normally on mission trips, I've spent lots of time at the Oasis in Manchay, but more to do construction and less to work with the kids. I never imagined working with the kids in Manchay to be part of my excursion, but I loved every minute of it. These kids are what brought me to Peru 3 years ago, and by spending multiple days with them, I was reminded of my original call to Peru.

I didn't get to see the kids in Pachacamac as often as I would have liked, but that was mainly due to the distance of the new home from where I was staying. It's simply too far away. The new home is very different in that the kids are pretty much contained in their houses. I think this will change a bit once they get common areas to gather such as a concha or playing space. I loved seeing the kids in their homes, enjoying dinner as a "family", and hanging out in the living room relaxing as a normal family does after a long day of work/school. I think the new set-up gives them a better sense of belonging, ownership, and pride. I wish I had more pictures, but unfortunately one of the kids deleted all of my pictures from Thursday, June 3.

I didn't get to take a trip outside of Lima like I had planned, but I kept plenty busy with friends in the city. I began to learn the art of surfing, had dinner with multiple friends, spent a couple days at school with a friend, had a worship night with 17 friends, went to a true Spanish birthday party, and made an appearance at a Spanish hip-hop concert put on by a few of my friends and others. I met new friends that I was able to connect with right away, and I got to see old friends I'd sort of lost touch with since December.

I was frequently asked why I wasn't staying longer and when I would be returning. Both questions that made my heart ache. I was not ready to say good-bye again, but God has promised me I will be back in his timing. I love Peru more than anyone can understand; it holds a special place in my heart. God is alive and working in my friends there, and I'm hoping to carry that excitement back to my friends here. Not to mention...the kids there mean the world to me. I'd do anything to be with them night and day. I know I will be back in God's timing; now it's just a matter of patience on my part for his perfect plan to unfold.

Americana-Peruana

So I've been mistaken for a Peruvian a few times in the last couple of days. Other than my dark hair and brown eyes I really don't think I fit the typical appearance of a Peruvian, but if they want to think I am, it's quite alright with me.

Sunday we met some Brazillians on the beach and were asking Gisell and I various questions about Peruvian culture. When I told them I was from the States, they did a double take and continued asking questions. I guess when you're hanging out with a bunch of Peruvians laughing and spilling out Spanish language people just assume you belong.

Then Monday I went to Miraflores to do some shopping, and it happened again. I was asked for directions from some tourists who tried very hard to use their broken Spanish to ask me where Larcomar was. When I asked them if they spoke English they quickly became less timid and started asking me all kinds of things about places to visit and things to do in Peru. I told them what I knew and explained to them I was from the States. At that I got the response, "But you blend right in with everyone, we never would have guessed."

I've been asked directions a few other times in the last couple days as well. Not that you have to be Peruvian to give directions in Peru, but if I were unsure where to go and I had a Peruvian or a white person nearby, I'd definitely ask the Peruvian. Maybe it's just because I'm comfortable with them after being here so many times.

With that said, I'd love to be an Americana-Peruana. If only I could have both worlds in the same place (that place being Lima). If I could uproot my family and my friends in the U.S. and find a school similar in style to an American public school, I'd be here in a heartbeat. Okay, maybe I'd be here in a heartbeat even though I can't uproot everything I love about the US, but for this point in my life, I know God has plans for me in the Northern Hemisphere, and I continue to wait for his plan to slowly unfold before me.

Late Nights, The Ocean, & Crazy Friends

I know I haven't been many places in the world, but if I had to pick a favorite place I would pick Peru. I love the people. the culture, the fire my friends display for the Lord, and a mix of many other things. Maybe if I was raised here or stayed here for a few years I would feel different, but at this point, I'd say Peru is pretty great.

Saturday evening I went to church with a friend. Afterwards we met up with some of his friends and walked for quite a while before finally deciding on a place to eat...Pizza Hut of all places. I had a great time getting to know these people and sharing Pizza with them while talking late into the night. I finally got home about 1am and after talking with a few friends back home, I crawled into bed very tired.

Nilton took me surfing yesterday after church with some friends. He tried to teach me in about 4 hours how to do it, but it's something I think you have to learn through practice. It's all timing and balance. Again I had a great time meeting new people, laughing with them, and of course being in the water. I swallowed quite a bit of salt water due to the waves crashing into my face as I attempted to swim with the surf board further from shore. God blessed us with sunshine and a decently warm day. Thanks to the wet suits the water actually didn't feel too cold either.

I like that both groups of people on Saturday and Sunday were all people I didn't know before I came last week. I'm not sure what happened to the group we hung out with when I was here last year, but it appears as if they all dispersed and got busy with different things. I saw a few of them last Sunday, but most of them haven't been around. Hopefully at various points this week I'll be able to reconnect with a few of them.
 

I can't believe I leave Saturday already. I don't want to have to say good-bye again, but I do promise I will be back when God allows me. I feel like I have two homes...one in the States with my family and American friends and one here with my Peruvian family and friends. If only there were a way to have both in the same place.

Put It In Perspective

So obviously things are cheaper here in Peru than in the States. I remember when I first returned home, I spent very little money because I was in shock at how "expensive" things were. However, eventually I became accostomed once again to the prices and began to spend more money.

I've had a few conversations about Peruvian salaries vs US salaries already this week. Each conversation, broke my heart even more for these people, and it helped me to better understand how blessed we truly are in the States. Check this out...

A Peruvian teacher in a private school receives a monthly salary of about $240-$500 a month...less than an American teacher makes in 2-3 days.

The average salary in Lima (which is the wealthiest district in Peru) is approximately $350 a month. That means a family with both a mom and dad earning an average salary has a monthly income of $700 or a yearly income of $8400. Mind you that is a family with both mom and dad earning an average salary. Of course there are some that make a whole lot more than that and others that make a whole lot less.

A few of my friends often say, "Gracias a Dios" at the end of a meal. I've not really understood it since we pray before we eat, but after hearing this, I realize now the importance of thanking God for the food we receive. Many people in Peru and around the world pray without ceasing for their next meal, something to fill their stomachs. When God answers that prayer, they know they must give him the praise.

It's obvious that in the US we are rich. I am so blessed, yet often I do not realize it. I hope to never forget the thank God for anything he's provided me.

3 Years Ago

Three years ago I left my country for the very first time (Canada doesn't count), and I traveled with 15 people I hardly knew to Lima, Peru to work with Kids Alive. At that point in time I had the dream of teaching in Latin/South America, yet I had no idea that I would be returning to this very place time and time again. During that trip 3 years ago I made friends with people on my team, and I fell in love with the children.

After a rough junior year of university, I lost my dream of teaching overseas and any hope of ever learning the Spanish language other than the bit I already knew. However, for some reason after finishing college, God led me back to Peru with a group of 4 others last summer. During this trip I had a lot of time to sit and process what God had in store for my life. All I could hear him say was, "You'll be back soon, put your trust in me." Most of you know the rest. I found a "job" as a missionary teacher in Peru just a few blocks from the Kids Alive home. I spent four glorious months in Peru, and cried for days upon returning home. (Okay, maybe only I knew about the crying part, but trust me it happened.) Not a day has gone by that I have not thought about Peru and my time here...the amazing people I met, the fun activities I was a part of, and especially the children who stole my heart.

Today I had the opportunity to hang out with the kids in both Manchay and Pachacamac (the new children's home which used to be located on Monte Carlo). I am so thankful God led me to Peru with 15 strangers 3 years ago, and I pray that he brings me back time and time again (or maybe one time for a great length of time...shhh don't tell my parents).

Mi Querido Peru

Finally, after 5 1/2 months, I've made it back to one of my favorite places...Peru!! I've been anticipating this trip since December when I arrived home to cold, snowy Indiana. Of course I love my family and my few friends that are left there, but I also very much enjoy life here. This is my fourth trip to Peru, and my first trip with no plans except to hang out with people and have fun. So far, I've been able to do just that, and I'm excited for the days to come!

After a very long day of travel on Saturday (plus being sick from Malaria pills), my plane finally landed in Peru at 12:08 a.m. Sunday morning. I made it quickly through the Immigration line, waited over a half hour to finally collect my luggage, and then got stopped by a red light at the customs scanner. Here you have to push a button, if the light turns green you pass, but if it turns red, you are one of the lucky ones to have to put your baggage on a belt to go through an x-ray scanner. Needless to say, my bags filled with crayons, markers, notebooks, and other school supplies for Kids Alive seemed a bit suspicious. I had to explain what was in my bags and why I was bringing them into the country. The lady kept me for about 5 minutes asking me why I was here, had I been here before, what was the purpose for the things I was bringing. I was quite annoyed, but tried my best to respond as kindly as possible knowing that she was only doing her job. Finally around 2:00 a.m. (3:00 Indiana time), I arrived to my final destination, quickly put on my pajamas and went to bed.

I forgot how paper-thin the walls are and how loud the "city" is (although the noise level where I'm currently staying is much quieter than where I stayed while I was teaching here). I woke up at 7:15 and was wide awake. I tried to sleep, but instead I lay listening to the noises around me, absorbing it all until about 8:45 when I decided I should organize my belongings, settle myself, and get ready for church. 

I was able to meet up with a few friends at church and we spent the afternoon together hanging out, praising the Lord, and eating pollo a la brasa (kind of like Nelson's chicken if you've had that). I found great comfort in the fact that I was able to pick up right where I left off with these guys. It didn't even feel like I've been gone which is such a great feeling and something I was worried about. I've heard it said before that a friendship built on the foundation of Christ can outlast many of the casual friendships we build out of duty or small talk. I believe this to be very true. I have never met people so on fire for God and so open about sharing it with others. Every conversation, every thought, and every plan comes back to "Solo Dios sabe" "Gracias a Dios" o "Si Dios me permite" (Only God knows, thanks to God, If God allows me).

Today I spent my day helping with the 1-2 year olds at the Oasis (a Family Center which provides childcare for children not old enough for school, homework club for kids in school, and a mom's program to teach single mothers a usable trade). I wasn't able to make it up there while I was here August-December because it's only open during my school hours. However, upon returning today, I was amazed and thrilled that a few of the kids still remembered me by name from my mission trip last June. Hanging out with the little ones today I learned that in Spanish dogs say "wow" but pigs still say "oink". I learned that "yum" and "uh oh" are the same in both languages. I learned a few jump rope songs, and I was reminded of how amazed people are with my height. I'm certain I'll be spending at least a few more days up there with the kids, and I'm looking forward to going to the children's home to see those kids as well.

I met up with a few of the teachers I worked with tonight for dinner and ice cream. Again, I felt like I picked up right where I left off. One of my friends even commented "It feels like we were just together yesterday."

I love this culture, I love these people, and I love this city. It feels so great to be back!!

Reality vs Dreams

We all know that in most cases the life we see in our dreams differs greatly from the life we live day to day. There are very few, rare people who envision life one way in their thoughts and live it day to day calling it reality. I try to be as realistic as possible, but I still hold dreams that I doubt will ever come true. (Does that mean I lack faith? Another topic, for another night.)

About a month ago, I was challenged through a sermon series I had been following to sit for 20 minutes in complete solitude and create a list of dreams...no cellphone, no computer, no human or pet...nothing but yourself and God. The guest pastor (whom at this time I cannot recall his name) encouraged the congregation and online listeners to write down any dream that came to mind no matter how great or small how Godly or how worldly. He demanded that the audience write down EVERYTHING! He said nothing more, the congregation began to sing, and the podcast of the sermon ended.

I took the challenge; however, I may have cheated a bit because rather than a notebook and pen, I did use my computer, but I made sure to turn off the wireless key cutting off any incling to want to connect to the outside world. As I sat, I quickly wrote down one item after another. Some were connected and others were totally out there. I was surprised by some things that came to mind, and others were not surprising at all. Some dreams seemed very attainable, and others seemed a bit far fetched. However, I know that with God all things are possible, and if I trust in Him he may just choose to grant me some of my dreams.

Every since this night in which I spent those 20 minutes in solitude there have been a few things I have not been able to clear from my mind. Let me share just a few of the dreams that made the list and have haunted me every since:

• Adopt 1-2 children from Latin America
• Open and run an orphanage in Latin America
• Climb a mountain and scream at the top of my lungs
• Mentor parents so that they will know how to best support and encourage their children to succeed (Maybe I should try parenting for myself first though.)
• Have enough money to live comfortably and debt free while also giving much to the poor
• Serve God every moment, not missing one beat

This is just a small glimpse at the 50+ things that made the list in those 20 minutes. My heart breaks right now between what is realistic for my life at this time (or what I find to be realistic), and what dreams I hold for the future. I pray that God will bridge the gap between my dreams and my reality so that I may be living my dreams in my reality.

Cuan Hermoso

Recently I have fallen in love with this song by Danilo Montero.

Cuan hermoso ~ Estar en tu presencia ~ Rodeado por tu amor ~Y tu belleza.
Seguro estoy en ti ~ Entre tus brazos ~ Confio en ti mi tesoro ~ Mi Amor ~ Mi esperanza.

In English it translates as follows:
How beautiful to be in your presence, surrounded by your love and your beauty.
I am secure in you, in your arms. I trust in you my treasure, my love, my hope.
This song is a source of comfort. It's a great reminder of just how wonderful it is to be a follower of the one and only Almighty God. Only by of his love and grace am I the person I am today.

Thank you Jesus for your forgiveness, for your love, and your healing. Guide my paths each day as I seek to follow your ways. Te amo, mi Dios, con todo mi corazon!

Blessings

I have been blessed more than I deserve. In fact, I am a firm believer that we deserve nothing. God blesses us because he chooses to not because he has to. What a mighty God we serve.

Before I left Peru I made a list of things I was looking forward to coming home to and things I was sad to be leaving behind. In my last post, I mentioned that recently I had been dwelling in the past way more than I should be, and I've made a point to do my best to change that. I do miss Peru greatly...the ministry, the kids, my friends, etc. However, since making the mental decision to focus on the here and now, I've been able to see that I am abundantly blessed here in the United States, also. My friends are different, my ministry is different, and the kids I work with are definitely not orphans, but I still have a very important role here. God is so good, and I'm enjoying being a part of his ultimate plan. Each day is a new opportunity to serve him, and I am making the point to find the blessings in each day.

Just a few things I'm blessed with here in the states.

1. Family: My brother is finally home from college, the noise level has risen in the house, and I'm realizing just how amazing and supportive each member is. My parents are wonderful and my brother is quite the young man.

2. Friends: While spread out across the U.S. it's great to know that a listening ear is just a phone call away. At first it was hard to be back in my hometown (basically all of my friends have moved away), but I've been able to make new friends and see old friends grow in their ministries in their various locations around the world.

3. Job: I never imagined myself teaching Special Education, but I LOVE IT!! It has also made me more aware of things to do or not to do as a regular classroom teacher when working with these unique students. Aside from my students, I work with an amazing, Godly staff, and our PTO deserve an award for going above and beyond the call of duty.

4. Green trees, grass, and rain: I'm not a fan of rain, but the flowers, trees, and bright green grass that result are very beautiful. The dust mountains in Lima were pretty at first, but nothing compares to the fresh flowers and spring air in northern Indiana.

I could go on and on. We serve an almighty God who loves us more than any other creation. It's time we turn to him and begin serving him the way he deserves. Run to him, his arms are open wide, and he's waiting to pour out his blessings on your life as well.

Countdown!!

47 days until I'm back in the other country I like to call home...PERU!!!

I love countdowns! I'm not sure it's a good thing, but it seems I'm always counting down something, looking forward to what's next. I used to think of myself as a future focused person because of all the countdowns I constantly had going on whether in my head or on paper. However, recently I've found myself living in the past, present, and future depending on the time of day.

I'm enjoying living in the moment at this point in time. I have been blessed with a great job (for a few months at least), I am surrounded by people who love me, I've made some wonderful friends (or gotten to know others better) since returning home, and I've gotten involved with Zumba which I absolutely love. I enjoy my life, and I look forward to each new day.

However, sometimes I wonder if I think way too much of my time in Peru. I'm always remembering the most random things. Some days it's my friends, some days it's the children who I fell in love with at Kids Alive, and occassionally I'll hear sounds or smell things as if I were there. Like yesterday for example...

I was sitting in my room, enjoying a very relaxing day when all the sudden I had a memory of a day out with a friend. However, the memory had nothing to do with what I did with that particular friend, but it dealt more with our departing and the what seemed to be LONG bus ride home. I remembered just what I was listening to on my iPod, the smell of the (I assume to be) drunk man next to me, and the kind, elderly woman who offered to hold my bag for me as I stood on the crowded bus. I closed my eyes to hold back tears as I longed to be there reliving the moment, and I was overcome by the sights I saw on the way home. As I rode the bus back to my apartment, I saw buildings I saw just about every other day (or at least every time I got out to this part of the city), but that night they weren't just buildings on the street. The sunset was so gorgeous behind them that the dust covered buildings glowed so brightly. I remember thinking of God in a new way that evening. I remember thinking, "If the sunset could make a dirty, old building look that good; then what could I look like if I allowed God to fully shine in me?" This day in general was a pivotal moment of my time in Peru. I believe it was this day, in the early part of October where I really began to feel completely comfortable in my surroundings. And on top of that, little did I know that that day would be just the beginning of a great friendship.

I am so blessed to have the opportunity to travel back to Peru for a few weeks this summer. I can't wait!!!

47 dias mas :D

Lead By Example

My heart breaks for those that do not know the healing power and love of the Lord Jesus Christ. Part of this desire to reach the lost world for Christ is why I love being a teacher. If I can have an impact on even one child who then leads by example for his/her peers, then I will have accomplished my goal (or at least one of the many).
Today one of my students asked why we get Friday off in addition to the week long spring break coming up. I explained to him that Friday was 'Good Friday' to which he responded by telling me he didn't know what that meant or why it was significant. I went on to explain why we celebrate Good Friday which in turn allowed me to share a bit about Easter with him. That's the neat thing about where I work...I may work in a public school, but as long as my students are asking the questions, I can answer them with the truth that I know about Jesus Christ.

I explained the meaning of Good Friday and Easter to this particular student. When I finished he told me he wasn't fond of Easter and that just broke my heart. Intrigued, I asked why he felt that way. The child went on to tell me that one Easter he walked into the living room to find his mom and sister watching Chukie (a scary movie about a doll), and since then whenever he thinks of Easter he sees scary images of the doll in his mind. Therefore, he does not like Easter.

I was disgusted at this point. And my mind began to spin...
1. I know the sister is not old enough to be watching that movie as it is rated R.
2. How sad that such a sacred, special day has been ruined for this boy because of an image he saw on tv or a scene he saw in a movie.
3. This child must not know Jesus Christ and his love and mercy. If he only knew what Christ had done for him, those images would be overwritten with the death of our Saviour on the cross.

As class wrapped up I didn't get to share much more with this particular student, but he's been on my mind numerous times throughout the day. As a teacher, I pray for my students. This little conversation today made it all the more important for me that praying for my students no longer an option but a priority.

As adults we have a major influence on the young children around us. Kids are always watching for our actions and reactions, and they will often follow in our footsteps. It is important that we adults set the best possible example so that we do not lead these dear children astray. Each day, I witness firsthand how children are affected by the choices of the adults surrounding them.

Ironically a friend posted this video on his facebook page today. It fits perfectly with the topic at hand. Take a moment to watch and see how closely the children in the video follow the example set by the adult they are with.

Summary

If you've kept up with my blogging, you've most likely read all of the following before. However, I typed out a summary of my four months to share at church on Sunday, and I thought since I never really did a full summary on here, I'd post it for anyone who may be interested. Read as much or as little as you desire :)

I want to start by saying thank you to all of you for your support while I was teaching in Peru; you’re financial support and prayers were much appreciated and did not go unnoticed.


I remember a year ago; I would pray each day that as I looked for a teaching job, God would make it clear just where I was supposed to be. I remember praying, “God help me to be willing to go wherever you send me.” I thought often of Isaiah 6:8 which says, “Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, ‘Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?’ And I said, “Here I am. Send me!”

During the mission trip to Peru in June, I remember sitting in the living room of the mission team apartment one evening talking with Tony Troeger. I told him that I couldn’t imagine my first teaching job being overseas, but I thought I’d like to do it eventually. However, when it came time to leave at the end of the 10 days, I was torn. When we got home I knew I had to go back to Peru and I had to go back soon. There was no way I could wait until the next mission trip in 2 years.

I applied to various schools trying to find the place God wanted me while also keeping in mind my financial need and my monthly loan bills. I felt defeated as I hit one dead end after another, praying to God that if he wanted me to go he would open the perfect door. I had heard about Lima International School of Tomorrow through a friend that attended there. When I emailed them I got an almost immediate response that they needed me as soon as I could get there. Turns out the elementary teacher had moved back to Canada just days prior to my email, and they were desperate to fill the position. They offered me a small monthly salary, and I was able to raise support for the rest. I was nervous about going to a place so far from home and so different from everything I knew, but I knew without a doubt that this was where God wanted me, and I went.

The school I worked for was very different from anything I’ve ever seen before. I taught 1st, 2nd, and 3rd grade in the same classroom – 31 students altogether. When I first began, I did very little teaching. The way the school operates is through individual student goals at their level. Basically that means each of my students was tested when they enrolled in the school, and they were assigned a workbook for each subject based on how they scored in that area. My students would sit in their 3 walled desk/offices and read page after page and fill in blanks in their workbooks. When they completed a workbook (about every 2 weeks) they would take a test over the book’s content. If they passed they moved up to the next book. This was not my style of teaching, and slowly over time the principal allowed me to change a few things so that I could teach an English lesson each day and do a read aloud/comprehension lesson with my students as well.

I really struggled with the program the school used, but I tried to keep my head up. The principal allowed me to make a few changes, but the basic program could not be changed. I was also able to share some American traditions with my students such as Thanksgiving and Christmas. We went on a field trip to a Petting Zoo/Amusement Park, and my students did a very good job putting on plays about the book of Acts for the school’s 15th anniversary. I knew that God wanted me in Peru, and this school was his way of getting me there.

While teaching is my passion and it was the thing that got me back to Peru, the children at the Kids Alive home stole my heart more each day. I volunteered about 2 nights a week at the orphanage helping with homework, chores, or just hanging out with the kids. I also attended devotions with the children each week. I looked forward to these nights, and sometimes I’d go over on an off night just to play. I helped babysit one day while the “mamas” went to a women’s retreat. I helped one of the missionaries teach the kids about American Thanksgiving, and we had each child make a turkey by tracing their hand on construction paper and adding colored feathers with things they were thankful for. We also prepared a Thanksgiving dinner for the children and everyone else that helps Kids Alive – there were over 80 people that shared dinner with us that evening. We made Christmas ornaments from dough and allowed the kids to paint them, and I got to see the Christmas program the children put on for their families during the December visit day.

I was fortunate to live just 2 blocks from the children’s home and about 3 blocks from the other missionaries’ apartments. No matter how often I went to the home, the kids always came running wanting hugs, piggy back rides, or homework help. (Not often do you see a kid excitedly beg you to sit with them while they do their homework.) I loved it! I would often leave feeling refreshed and energized. The joy these kids showed was humbling.

Outside of school and volunteering with Kids Alive, I met a lot of really great people and had tons of fun with my new friends. Some of the Kids Alive missionaries joined with Peruvian friends, and we had dinner and Bible study together every Thursday. I got involved in a Hillsong based church in Lima and really enjoyed the Friday night young adult meetings. I was able to go to the Independence Day parade and a Hillsong United concert. I also went to a surfing competition and saw two professional ballets – one being the Nutcracker. For my birthday, I was sung to in English, Spanish, and Portuguese, and I had cake shoved in my mouth by a few different people. Peruvians love showing off their country, so I saw many sides of Lima I hadn’t seen before. I also got to take a trip up into the Andes Mountains to the city of Huancayo one weekend. It was beautiful there!

My last week in Peru was heart wrenching. I was so excited to get home and see my family for Christmas, but I did not want to leave the kids or my friends behind. They had all taught me so much about what it means to fully rely on God and trust him with my innermost being. My friends were especially amazing that week and had all kinds of outings planned for me. A few teachers took me out to get pedicures and manicures - they’re really cheap there. My friends planned a day at the beach, but due to cloudy, misty weather we ended up going to a food festival and the zoo instead. They also had a more formal despedida or good-bye party for me where we went out for dinner and then to a friend’s house for a time of worship and prayer. Everyone said parting words to me and I too had to say parting words to them. I’ll never forget that night. The children at the home also had a good-bye party for me complete with piñata filled with candy, confetti, and baby powder. (If you went to Peru in 2007, you know what I’m talking about.) The kids all had kind words to say to me, and quite a few of them cried when telling me good-bye. My heart was broken.

Peru changed me for the better I believe. I learned to trust God a lot more than I ever had before and to allow him to be in control. I learned not to settle for complacency but to always be seeking God and growing in Him. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of my time in Peru and look forward to the day when I will be able to return.