I try to keep my posts and thoughts here positive, shedding light on the good things God is doing in my life. However, we all know that not everything is happy and carefree all the time. We have valleys, plateaus, moments of frustration and loss. It's a process and at times a struggle. Someone once told me that month 3 is the hardest, and I've also been warned that having a plane ticket to go home can at times make it worse. I think I'm beginning to believe both of those statements to be true as I find myself more and more longing for the things I miss - family, friends, my car, chocolate chips and peanut butter, the comfort of home. Here's to me being vulnerable and asking for extra prayers in the days to come.
Tonight I hit my breaking point. After two different friends cancelled plans for the day and another set of last minute plans was ruined, I'd had enough. Weekends seem to be the worst for missing home, especially when I have nothing to do.
While waiting on a friend to call today, I cleaned my apartment, did laundry, worked on my newsletter and some things for school, and chatted with a few friends back home. I had grocery shopping to do and a few other errands to run, but not sure of when I would be heading out, I decided to stay home just in case. Minutes turned to hours, and soon a whole day was "wasted". Of course I got things done, but they weren't the things I'd wanted to do today.
As I was praying this afternoon, I spent some time in silence asking the Lord to speak to me and to reveal to me whatever His plans are for certain situations I'm currently facing. As I waited this was revealed to me: I never said my followers would gain many friends or multitudes of followers, but I did promise to never leave you nor forsake you. Those words have been on my mind all day. It's a great reminder that Christ is the only friend I need.
I'm not sure what happened to my friend group here. I used to hang out with people all the time when I'd visit during July, but since arriving in Peru in August I've seen maybe a handful of those I once considered dear friends. Some have married, others have children, and the rest I guess they've gotten busy with work. I am frustrated with friends who say they want to hang out but are always too busy to find time to do so. I feel like there are only a few people I can call up at any given time to see if they are free to get together, and if it weren't for my "friend" Javier I wouldn't have a social life at all.
I'm tired of being the one to make the effort. I send texts, make the phone calls, and send emails. You find out who your real friends are when you live thousands of miles away. You also learn who your true friends are when you return to a city to live rather than to simply visit.
I'm not writing this to gain your sympathy or even to persuade you to email, text, or call me. I'm writing this to share with you my struggles, my daily battle recently, an area where I need a lot of prayer. I need to force myself to get involved at church and meet friends there. I need to open up more and let people I've recently met in. I need to quit holding on to the past and the friends I used to spend time with.
I still believe this is exactly where I'm supposed to be for this moment in time. Some pretty great things have happened during my time here and in some ways I couldn't be happier with my current life situation. However, I firmly believe the friend situation is the devil's favorite string to pull; it's his way of making me doubt the Lord's plan for me here.
Please pray against Satan's lies and the loneliness I've been feeling. I'm looking forward to returning home in 56 days for 5 short weeks, but I'm sure when that time actually arrives I'll have a hard time saying good-bye.
Sunday, October 27, 2013
Friday, October 18, 2013
¡TeMbLoR!
It's been quite the week. It was the first week back in class after a 9 day break, and I must admit it's been quite exhausting. On top of that, I contracted a stomach bug (I blame the salad I had for lunch Tuesday because I haven't felt well since then), and I can't eat hardly anything without feeling sick shortly after. I've gotten by with Tums, and yesterday I went and got some medicine from the pharmacy. Having not felt well and feeling exhausted, last night I headed to bed around 10 (nearly an hour and a half earlier than my normal); however, I was rudely awakened last night at 2:30 a.m. from a deep sleep, and I was more than a little nervous and confused.
You see, Peru is on a fault line, and tremors and small earthquakes are common. I don't know if it's because I'm not used to them or what, but typically unless they are strong I don't feel them. For instance, yesterday morning while in the shower apparently there was a tremor. I'm thankful it wasn't strong because the shower is the last place I want to be if it becomes necessary to evacuate the building. Haha!
This morning was a different story, though. I was in a deep sleep when I heard the glass bottles on my dresser begin to rattle and clank softly against one another. I woke up afraid someone might be in my bedroom, but then I heard the neighborhood dogs barking and my windows and door rattling. I sat in bed realizing a tremor was occurring and wondering if I should get up and grab a sweatshirt in case I needed to head outside, but it passed within a few minutes. I laid in bed still wondering what to do. I was afraid to fall asleep for fear of another tremor to follow, so I committed myself to pray. After spending some time in prayer, I drifted back to sleep.
The tremor was the only thing anyone talked about for the first few hours of the day. I got in the taxi to head to work, and the taxi driver asked me immediately if I felt the tremors (yes, plural) last night. I told him I felt one at 2:30 a.m., and he informed me of another between 4:00-5:00 a.m. which I must have slept through. On the radio I heard there was a 4.0 magnitude earthquake just an hour-ish south of where I live.
At school everyone, teachers and students alike, were talking about the tremors. My students came in full of energy (as usual) asking, "Miss Jessica, sentiste el temblor?" "Yes, I felt it. Did you?" I responded. {In order to help them learn and practice English, I try to always respond to their questions in English even when asked in Spanish.}
Tremors are normal in Lima, and they are something you just learn to deal with, but each time fear overcomes me. What if this time it isn't just a tremor. What if it gets strong? What do I do? Where do I go? I asked a friend a few weeks ago what the protocol is for earthquake emergencies, and he informed me of where to go should I be home. My neighbors below me are quite friendly and very concerned for me as a single woman living here, so I assume they would check on me, too.
In the end it comes down to God's protection and my faith in Him. As I become more confident in my surroundings, I'm realizing my prayers for protection and safety aren't as persistent as they were in the beginning. My reliance on God's strength guided me through each new day has faded, and I'm falling into the feeling of comfort. I'm comfortable with my life as it is, I'm comfortable leaving my house on my own and taking public transportation to get from one place to another. I'm comfortable in my job, and I'm comfortable with the friends I've made. However, that comfort shouldn't lead to my complacency in my faith and relationship with Christ.
Comfort isn't what Christ died for; He died so that we would be made right before God and have the opportunity for an intimate relationship with Him. He didn't bring me here to Peru, thousands of miles from my home, to be comfortable. I believe His purposes for me here are bigger than simply living a "comfortable" life, and I'm ashamed that I've fallen into routines and habits. I desire intimacy with Christ, passionate faith that brings others to their knees before the heavenly throne, and a prayer life so centered in Christ that every word and thought would be tied to conversation with my Savior. I desire radical living, living that doesn't come from comfort but rather from discomfort. I want to be different from the crowd and known as a woman who feared the Lord and lived only for Him.
While the "temblor" might have awaken me from my sleep and scared me quite a bit last night, I'm thankful that I have a God whom I can trust. He has the perfect plan for humanity. He desires intimacy with me, and He intervenes in my life even when I fail to notice His presence. He loves me, and He has blessed me beyond what I deserve. He is my protector, my counselor, and my friend, and I choose to depend on Him for all the days of my life.
You see, Peru is on a fault line, and tremors and small earthquakes are common. I don't know if it's because I'm not used to them or what, but typically unless they are strong I don't feel them. For instance, yesterday morning while in the shower apparently there was a tremor. I'm thankful it wasn't strong because the shower is the last place I want to be if it becomes necessary to evacuate the building. Haha!
This morning was a different story, though. I was in a deep sleep when I heard the glass bottles on my dresser begin to rattle and clank softly against one another. I woke up afraid someone might be in my bedroom, but then I heard the neighborhood dogs barking and my windows and door rattling. I sat in bed realizing a tremor was occurring and wondering if I should get up and grab a sweatshirt in case I needed to head outside, but it passed within a few minutes. I laid in bed still wondering what to do. I was afraid to fall asleep for fear of another tremor to follow, so I committed myself to pray. After spending some time in prayer, I drifted back to sleep.
The tremor was the only thing anyone talked about for the first few hours of the day. I got in the taxi to head to work, and the taxi driver asked me immediately if I felt the tremors (yes, plural) last night. I told him I felt one at 2:30 a.m., and he informed me of another between 4:00-5:00 a.m. which I must have slept through. On the radio I heard there was a 4.0 magnitude earthquake just an hour-ish south of where I live.
At school everyone, teachers and students alike, were talking about the tremors. My students came in full of energy (as usual) asking, "Miss Jessica, sentiste el temblor?" "Yes, I felt it. Did you?" I responded. {In order to help them learn and practice English, I try to always respond to their questions in English even when asked in Spanish.}
Tremors are normal in Lima, and they are something you just learn to deal with, but each time fear overcomes me. What if this time it isn't just a tremor. What if it gets strong? What do I do? Where do I go? I asked a friend a few weeks ago what the protocol is for earthquake emergencies, and he informed me of where to go should I be home. My neighbors below me are quite friendly and very concerned for me as a single woman living here, so I assume they would check on me, too.
In the end it comes down to God's protection and my faith in Him. As I become more confident in my surroundings, I'm realizing my prayers for protection and safety aren't as persistent as they were in the beginning. My reliance on God's strength guided me through each new day has faded, and I'm falling into the feeling of comfort. I'm comfortable with my life as it is, I'm comfortable leaving my house on my own and taking public transportation to get from one place to another. I'm comfortable in my job, and I'm comfortable with the friends I've made. However, that comfort shouldn't lead to my complacency in my faith and relationship with Christ.
Comfort isn't what Christ died for; He died so that we would be made right before God and have the opportunity for an intimate relationship with Him. He didn't bring me here to Peru, thousands of miles from my home, to be comfortable. I believe His purposes for me here are bigger than simply living a "comfortable" life, and I'm ashamed that I've fallen into routines and habits. I desire intimacy with Christ, passionate faith that brings others to their knees before the heavenly throne, and a prayer life so centered in Christ that every word and thought would be tied to conversation with my Savior. I desire radical living, living that doesn't come from comfort but rather from discomfort. I want to be different from the crowd and known as a woman who feared the Lord and lived only for Him.
While the "temblor" might have awaken me from my sleep and scared me quite a bit last night, I'm thankful that I have a God whom I can trust. He has the perfect plan for humanity. He desires intimacy with me, and He intervenes in my life even when I fail to notice His presence. He loves me, and He has blessed me beyond what I deserve. He is my protector, my counselor, and my friend, and I choose to depend on Him for all the days of my life.
Friday, October 11, 2013
October Vacations
Let me start by apologizing for my negligence of this blog and keeping you all up to date with life here in Peru. It seems as if day turns into night and back to day all too quickly, and my free hours fill up with activities faster than I can write things onto my calendar. Some weeks Friday arrives and I can't even remember everything that's happened in a week, but I know from the exhaustion I feel that I didn't have much time to relax. I can't complain about that though, because for me, investing in the lives of others and building relationships is a priority, and sleep (while necessary) can always be made up for in the form of mini-naps after school and on the weekend.
This week we've had vacations from school. Where I work (and other schools, too) we get time off at the end of every term. We wrapped up our third term last week, so this week we've had a free week. My initial plan was to relax, catch up on things I've neglected, go shopping for things I'm still lacking in my apartment, and maybe visit a few local sites. However, now that the end of the week has arrived, I look back and realize I did very little of that, but instead I spent time with people which in some ways is the greatest vacation ever.
Saturday I spent nearly an hour and a half at the bank with a friend of mine trying to sort out my account and transfer money to the USA. They kept telling us the code was wrong and gave us a new one, but after the new one didn't work for us or the bank employee it was determined there were other problems on the account. In the end we got it all straightened out, and the transfer went through. We then had lunch and walked to the laguna before I returned home to relax and do some laundry.
On Sunday I went to church and then headed to Pachacamac with a friend to visit the Children's home. Upon arriving in Pachacamac, we went to the plaza and discovered and exposition in celebration of the holiday, so we walked around to the different booths and had lunch before going to see the kids. I ended up taking some of the girls back to the exposition later in the afternoon.
On Monday and Wednesday I went shopping. Monday was spent with a missionary who is moving back to Lima. We checked out prices for appliances and other home goods as she is renting a completely unfurnished apartment. After a morning run to the laguna on Wednesday I went shopping on my own just for fun.
Tuesday was an official holiday (Battle of Angamos) and it ended up being my favorite day of the week. I got up early and met a friend in Manchay to go to an event at BCM (Bible Centered Ministries). We arrived at BCM about an hour early and ended up going for a walk through the "countryside". We also spent some time talking on the rocks near the river. Upon returning to the BCM event, I played with the kids from the children's home and talked with some of the "mamas" for the afternoon.
This week we've had vacations from school. Where I work (and other schools, too) we get time off at the end of every term. We wrapped up our third term last week, so this week we've had a free week. My initial plan was to relax, catch up on things I've neglected, go shopping for things I'm still lacking in my apartment, and maybe visit a few local sites. However, now that the end of the week has arrived, I look back and realize I did very little of that, but instead I spent time with people which in some ways is the greatest vacation ever.
Saturday I spent nearly an hour and a half at the bank with a friend of mine trying to sort out my account and transfer money to the USA. They kept telling us the code was wrong and gave us a new one, but after the new one didn't work for us or the bank employee it was determined there were other problems on the account. In the end we got it all straightened out, and the transfer went through. We then had lunch and walked to the laguna before I returned home to relax and do some laundry.
My favorite place to just sit...la laguna.
On Sunday I went to church and then headed to Pachacamac with a friend to visit the Children's home. Upon arriving in Pachacamac, we went to the plaza and discovered and exposition in celebration of the holiday, so we walked around to the different booths and had lunch before going to see the kids. I ended up taking some of the girls back to the exposition later in the afternoon.
An image at the start of the parade made completely of flower petals.
On Monday and Wednesday I went shopping. Monday was spent with a missionary who is moving back to Lima. We checked out prices for appliances and other home goods as she is renting a completely unfurnished apartment. After a morning run to the laguna on Wednesday I went shopping on my own just for fun.
Tuesday was an official holiday (Battle of Angamos) and it ended up being my favorite day of the week. I got up early and met a friend in Manchay to go to an event at BCM (Bible Centered Ministries). We arrived at BCM about an hour early and ended up going for a walk through the "countryside". We also spent some time talking on the rocks near the river. Upon returning to the BCM event, I played with the kids from the children's home and talked with some of the "mamas" for the afternoon.
The path we walked along. This used to be a river.
A field of corn...just like home!
Taking a break before heading back to BCM.
Macarena
Bridget and Vanessa
Ruth
The backdrop of a show that was done at BCM.
Thursday was a fun day, too. I went to the Oasis in Manchay which is another ministry of Kids Alive. The Oasis has programs to teach moms useful skills for work and there are childcare programs for children, a new elementary school for kindergarten aged students, and a homework club for students in school. I helped out with the 3 year olds, to which I must admit the best part of the afternoon was putting them down for a nap...hehe! They are adorable children, but they wear you out quick! I had a lot of fun with them.
Today I'm using as a "me" day. I have no plans but to clean, do laundry and go grocery shopping (none of which I've done in the last 2 weeks). I woke up late (see, I told you I could always catch up on sleep later), read for a while, and now I find myself typing this blog with coffee in hand. I must admit, it's been the perfect start to my last "official" day of vacations.
The Lord continues to break me and mold me here in Peru. As I become more vulnerable, I am realizing my insecurities, my pride, and my selfishness. It's been interesting to see how the Lord has used two very dear friends to teach me valuable life lessons even if they don't realize it. Through their lives I have been challenged and stretched to have more faith, to live simply, and to love. It's not always an easy path to take, but being here in Peru has been a blessing, and if I leave here with nothing at the end of my time (which is still quite far off), my prayer is that I will have grown in faith and love and that I may continue to fall more in love with my Savior each day. What a journey it has been, and I'm excited to see what else is in store for me throughout the next 2 years!
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