Dios Nunca Fallara {God Will Never Fail}

It's been quite the...weekend, week, month. Life has been moving at a fast pace, and last night as I drove home from my dear friend's wedding, it seemed it all started catching up with me. I didn't even realize my mind was lost in deep thought (or rather worship as I sang to the praise music shuffled through on my phone). As I drove and belted out the lyrics to some of my favorite songs, tears flooded my eyes. Before I knew it, I was nearly bawling, and I wasn't even sure why. The wedding was beautiful and tons of fun...that couldn't possibly be the cause for my tears. Or was it??

As I listened to "Always" by Kristian Stanfill followed by Nunca Fallara by Hillsong United-Spanish, I realized that God was speaking directly to me, and it was not coincidence that these two songs played back to back. I reflected upon the wedding, and the union of my dear friend Anna to her husband Joel, and I must say I was overcome with joy. God could not have picked a better person for Anna, and her testimony is amazing and overwhelming. God has brought her soooo far in the last 6 months, and I am so thankful that through out Tuesday night dinner dates, I have been able to be with her through these major life changes. Proverbs 22:6 - Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. {Anna and Joel are great reminders of God's faithfulness to parental upbringing and steadfast, persistent prayers.} Joel has been a great encourager and partner for her through trials and joys, and I'm so excited she has someone so great to spend the rest of her life with. I cried tears of joy for Anna and Joel. 



However, these tears of joy weren't all that was flowing from my eyes. I realized, I was pondering my life and where I'm at spiritually, mentally, and physically. I began to wonder, what is God's plan for my life? When is He going to reveal my 'love story' to me? When will I find love like Anna and Joel have found? That's when I began to really ponder the lyrics I was singing along to. 

Oh, my God, He will not delay
My refuge and strength always
I will not fear, His promise is true
My God will come through always, always.

-----


Dios nunca fallará
Por siempre y siempre
{God will never fail forever and ever}

It was like God was speaking directly to me, and only me, as I drove down the dark, empty road home. He clearly spoke, "I am with you always, today, tomorrow, and forever. I have a plan for your life, and I will not let you down. Trust in me, and I will continue to lead you one step at a time, day by day." Those audible words broke me...heart, body, and soul. I believe God has bigger plans for me, but I often worry I'm missing something. I often worry I'm stagnant here, not following God's greater call for me. But it seems that whenever I get in this rut, God is right there to tell me, "You are right where I want you, for such a time as this." I trust that God is using this time to develop me into the woman he desires and needs me to be. It's a great feeling to be affirmed by the Holy Spirit that you are in the will of God, and he is using you right where you are. I mean, if I weren't here in Indiana, I may not have had the honor of being a part of Anna and Joel's special day.

Thank you, Lord. I l<3ve you!!

*Endnote*

As I lay my head to rest last evening, I received news that my dear friend, Liz, had gotten engaged, and another very special friend sent me a message to say she'd received her very first kiss from the man she plans to marry. I'm happy for them, I really am, but it was too much for one day! <3

Peace?

School started again, and the crazy life has resumed. However, even among the busyness, my mind never stops. I question my life, and I often wonder if I'm doing all I can to share the love of the Lord. I wonder about God's plan for me, I wonder about God's plan for the world. I think about people and social classes. I ponder the Word of God, and I spend time praying for my friends, family, and uncertainties. Not a day goes by that I don't have flashbacks to Peru, and each day my heart tears a bit more with a desire to return and not leave.

Since moving out of my parents' home three weeks ago, my opportunities to be alone and think have quadrupled. I am alone most evenings, and even with the distractions of internet and tv, my mind still races. Often I lie awake unable to stop the concerns of my heart and mind, these are my favorite times to pray. I pray about the things on my mind, often in English but almost always I find myself switching to praying in Spanish. I love praying in Spanish; my prayers seem more lively, more hopeful, and more passionate. English just gets so boring sometimes.

Recently, I've felt much peace that this whole Peru thing is very near to working itself out. I'm not sure what form it will work out, but I just have peace that God is bringing it altogether for my return...a long term return. I'm not saying that it will happen this month or this year even, but I am hopeful that an irresistible opportunity is soon to present itself.

As my departure date for my summer trip approaches, I find myself missing things about Peru that for the last 6 months haven't even crossed my mind...the buses/taxis, sunny-ish days and cool nights, smells, the food...honestly, everything. I leave the last week of June, approximately 155 days from now. I am so excited to go back home, but this heavy heart I'm carrying will only grow heavier as my trip approaches.

Plans for this summer in Peru include a trip to Iquitos in the jungle and Arequipa/Nasca/Ica along the coast and in the highlands. The first is sure to be an experience it being my first time in the jungle. Have I mentioned, I don't like bugs and snakes, and I love showering??  The second trip will be more of a historical/fun trip to see Peru's past culture and traditions as well as to go sandboarding (I need to learn how to do that first). I hope to rent dune-buggies in Ica, too :)

Summer can't come fast enough, but I'm doing my best to enjoy the time I have here while I have it!

¡Este es mi Año!

Translated, this title means: This is my year. It’s a song by one of my favorite Spanish bands, Tercer Cielo. The chorus of the song hits me every time I listen to it. In English is says: The year that comes will bring better things for me. Yes, I am ready to live with passion, without fear. I will live an intense year because I go in search of my dreams.

Since the first time I heard this song about a month back, I haven’t been able to cease listening to it. Each time I get into my car alone, I quickly hook up my phone and listen to this song, sometimes on repeat.

For some time now I’ve been praying about returning to Peru for a longer period of time, even permanently if the Lord desires. I’ve had a few opportunities presented, but never do they match what I think would be an appropriate timeline or pay scale. With my college loans still looming over me, it can sometimes be hard to trust that the Lord will provide means to pay my bills on a Peruvian salary. Aside from that, schools in Peru run on a February-December academic calendar making it very difficult to begin a school year teaching in Peru when here in the States I’m in the middle of an academic year.

Today a friend made a comment, “You won’t ever go live in Peru.” I asked why she thought that to which she responded, “I just don’t think you will.” This hurt; I felt like I had been stabbed in the heart. Is it because I believe her or because I feel so strongly opposite of her? I firmly believe it’s the latter reason that caused me to feel pain at her words.

I have a hard time believing that God would give me a desire this strong for no reason at all. I know I can help from afar, but not a day goes by that I don’t wish I were in Peru living, breathing, and serving alongside my Peruvian “family”. Don’t get me wrong, life here in the U.S.A. is going well for me. I have a great job, a marvelous family, wonderful friends spread throughout the continental United States, and I recently moved to a new apartment of my very own. However, despite all of these things, my heart longs to be in Peru.

A few days ago I received an email from a co-worker asking about me moving if I was planning to go back to Peru. My response was that I couldn't stay at my parents’ house “waiting” forever. Her response to me was, “All in God’s timing. Sometimes it takes stepping out before the next thing comes along. Amazing what can happen in a few months’ time.” This brought me back to my original search for a teaching position in Peru and how quickly life changed that summer of 2009. I went to Peru on a mission trip in June with the intention of working in the States in August. However, during those two weeks in Peru, God spoke clearly to me and told me I would return. After returning home and talking with many friends and acquaintances in Peru, I found an open door. With much hesitation and a giant leap of faith, I dove through that door with an anxious smile on my face. Just 2 months later, I was back on a plane returning to Peru to teach for 5 life-changing months.

As I begin this new stage of life, in an apartment all alone, I will not allow my friend’s words to hinder my passion and my desire in any way. Upon hearing the song referenced above, I have prayed many times that God would make 2012 HIS year! I will step out, I will live intensely, and I will not stop searching to fulfill my dream of returning to Peru until God tells me otherwise. I know He can and He will open the appropriate door at just the right time, and I won’t hesitate to walk through it.

Psalms 37:4-5 says, “Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit everything you do to the Lord, trust in him, and he will help you.” In Spanish verse 4 says, “he will consider the desires of your heart.”

With that being said, I would greatly appreciate any prayers you will offer on my behalf. Pray for wisdom, clarity, and patience during this waiting period.