It's a big word with deep roots and large responsibilities. It's intimidating and scary, but exciting all at the same time. We commit to our relationships with others as friends and/or lovers. We commit to jobs, activities, church, etc. However, there is one commitment that far exceeds the others...our commitment to Christ. This is the only commitment with eternal rewards if we accept Christ or eternal consequences if we reject him.
I've been realizing more and more that I'm afraid of commitment. The only commitment I feel good about is my commitment to Christ, and sometimes the depth of that even relies on how busy my day is. I've learned that friendships are too often subject to location and seasons of life. Friends come and go and sometimes good-byes hurt. I dislike that I met so many great people in high school, college, and Peru, but now there are only a handful that I remain in contact with. The rest have become distant memories and people I continue to pray for. Some days I feel like I'm walking through life wondering when my closest friends will become only memories, too.
As much as I want a teaching job, a teaching contract scares me. I'm afraid once I sign for a job I will be committing to staying in that location/school forever. It saddens me to think I may never live overseas again once I sign a school contract (if I ever get offered one). I love the U.S. but I just don't know that I'm ready to spend the rest of my life here.
This fear in turn leads me to be skeptical of a commitment in dating and marriage. I don't want to commit to someone who doesn't wan tot travel to South America for missions. I won't commit to someone with an inward focus, but would consider someone who loves people and desires to help the needy in this world. I'm not ready to settle for someone who will give me reason to stay in the U.S. forever.
For 7 months I've avoided committing to activities or getting too involved in things. I keep saying, "I don't know where I'll get a job." What if I never get a job? What if I do stay here? I can't just wait for life to take me somewhere, yet I don't want to join something and then turn around and quit right away.
Like I said...commitment is a big deal. I wish I wasn't so afraid of it! I wish I had a book telling me exactly what God has in store for my life and what/who I should or shouldn't commit to.
