Inside my head...

is a scary place to be!

I'm leaving tomorrow; heading to Chicago around 5 p.m. with my parents, and hopping on a plane to Peru at 3:05 a.m. Monday morning. Actually, I probably won't be hopping at 3 in the morning, but rather, I'll be lugging my carry-on bag behind me as I groggily trudge my way to my seat where I intend to sleep during the 3 hr 20 min flight to Guatemala City. 

Considering that I'm leaving tomorrow, how do you suppose I spent my evening? If you guess packing, you are incorrect. Cleaning? Wrong again! Hanging out with friends? Nope! If you know me well, you can imagine that my bags have been neatly packed and weighed to their exact limits and sitting near my door since Thursday evening. The cleaning was completed earlier this afternoon, and my good friends all live too far away to hang out with on a Saturday evening. This evening, I spent time by myself reading, watching television, and relaxing. Actually, I take that back; while pretending to do said things, my mind was wandering to thoughts of the next five weeks and how things will go.

"Just remember what made you love Peru in the first place!" 

This is from a text my best friend sent me tonight as I expressed to her the anxiety I feel. I know this year will be different, but then again, every year is different than the one before it. People change, life moves on, and the past has passed. I don't know what to expect when I arrive in Peru this summer. I don't know what to expect when I leave Peru at the end of July. All I know is that I must focus my thoughts on the greater purpose for which I am there. 

I fell in love with Peru not because I had friends there or because it was a beautiful place to be. I fell in love with it because the children touched my life in a way I will never forget. I fell in love with Peru because that was where I felt the presence of the Lord in my life more than I had ever felt it before. I fell in love with Peru because it was there that God opened my eyes to a whole new world outside of my bubble back in Indiana. It was Peru that taught me to be vulnerable, to love like Christ loved me, and to live in complete faith. In Peru I learned to try new things, to be adventurous, and to live each day to its full potential. It was in Peru that I truly learned the Spanish language and began to understand the difference between American culture and Latin culture. It was in Peru that the Lord shaped and molded me to have a passion for missions. 

Peru has played a major role in my transition from college into adulthood, but I cannot give the credit to a perishable item. God is the one who caused the growth and change I went through because of the missions I was able to attend to Peru. God is the one who has a greater purpose for my life than I realize, and it just so happens that He used Peru to ignite a spark deep within me. To God be the glory, not myself or Peru. 

I'm nervous to leave tomorrow; I can think of many other things I could do with my summer instead. However, I realize that God isn't quite ready to end the story of Peru in my life. Honestly, I don't think He will even end it after this trip, but I do think He's ready {as am I} for the end of one book and perhaps the start of a second. Will I return to Peru? I hope so! Although, for whatever reason, I don't think it will be for at least a few years.

Don't take this wrong. I'm not giving up and deciding to remain here in northern Indiana for the remainder of my life. Missions is still a huge desire of mine. However, I realize that my debts must be paid before many organizations will even consider taking me on as a missionary. I trust that the Lord is preparing the way, and all He has asked is that I be obedient to His way. I'm excited to see where the Lord leads me in the coming years!

Please pray with me as I once again journey to Peru {a land foreign to many of you}. 

While I'm in Peru:

Some pictures will be posted here, but the majority will be on Facebook.

I have a personal {texting only} US number that can be used to keep in touch with me. If you would like that number please let me know! I cannot receive calls, and can only respond when I have wi-fi, but I will do my best to respond as soon as possible.

Email: jessica.oconnor86@gmail.com
Skype: jessrenee1986