Homesick

I try to keep my posts and thoughts here positive, shedding light on the good things God is doing in my life. However, we all know that not everything is happy and carefree all the time. We have valleys, plateaus, moments of frustration and loss. It's a process and at times a struggle. Someone once told me that month 3 is the hardest, and I've also been warned that having a plane ticket to go home can at times make it worse. I think I'm beginning to believe both of those statements to be true as I find myself more and more longing for the things I miss - family, friends, my car, chocolate chips and peanut butter, the comfort of home. Here's to me being vulnerable and asking for extra prayers in the days to come.

Tonight I hit my breaking point. After two different friends cancelled plans for the day and another set of last minute plans was ruined, I'd had enough. Weekends seem to be the worst for missing home, especially when I have nothing to do.

While waiting on a friend to call today, I cleaned my apartment, did laundry, worked on my newsletter and some things for school, and chatted with a few friends back home. I had grocery shopping to do and a few other errands to run, but not sure of when I would be heading out, I decided to stay home just in case. Minutes turned to hours, and soon a whole day was "wasted". Of course I got things done, but they weren't the things I'd wanted to do today.

As I was praying this afternoon, I spent some time in silence asking the Lord to speak to me and to reveal to me whatever His plans are for certain situations I'm currently facing. As I waited this was revealed to me: I never said my followers would gain many friends or multitudes of followers, but I did promise to never leave you nor forsake you. Those words have been on my mind all day. It's a great reminder that Christ is the only friend I need.

I'm not sure what happened to my friend group here. I used to hang out with people all the time when I'd visit during July, but since arriving in Peru in August I've seen maybe a handful of those I once considered dear friends. Some have married, others have children, and the rest I guess they've gotten busy with work. I am frustrated with friends who say they want to hang out but are always too busy to find time to do so. I feel like there are only a few people I can call up at any given time to see if they are free to get together, and if it weren't for my "friend" Javier I wouldn't have a social life at all.

I'm tired of being the one to make the effort. I send texts, make the phone calls, and send emails. You find out who your real friends are when you live thousands of miles away. You also learn who your true friends are when you return to a city to live rather than to simply visit.

I'm not writing this to gain your sympathy or even to persuade you to email, text, or call me. I'm writing this to share with you my struggles, my daily battle recently, an area where I need a lot of prayer. I need to force myself to get involved at church and meet friends there. I need to open up more and let people I've recently met in. I need to quit holding on to the past and the friends I used to spend time with.

I still believe this is exactly where I'm supposed to be for this moment in time. Some pretty great things have happened during my time here and in some ways I couldn't be happier with my current life situation. However, I firmly believe the friend situation is the devil's favorite string to pull; it's his way of making me doubt the Lord's plan for me here.

Please pray against Satan's lies and the loneliness I've been feeling. I'm looking forward to returning home in 56 days for 5 short weeks, but I'm sure when that time actually arrives I'll have a hard time saying good-bye.