Mi Dios Es Tan Grande

Talk about spiritual warfare. If it isn't something personal to me being attacked, it is someone close to me. It seems as if one thing comes after another, and it is making me sick to my stomach. I pray that it will end, but then again...no one ever said being a Christian was easy. If anyone understands that, the Apostle Paul knew it full well.

In the last month multiple friends have come to me with prayer needs for wrong choices and/or injustice. Add to that the sickness and physical pain of those around us, and it becomes obvious that this world we live in is a dark, nasty place.

I am learning more and more about the Bible and it's truth each day. As I currently study 1 Corinthians, Galatians, John, and Proverbs (all for different purposes), I am seeing similar themes of salvation and living a Christian life. I find hope and encouragement. I find peace that only a living Savior can provide. I am learning now more than ever what it means to cling to the cross, carry every need before our Creator, and to depend on him for wisdom, strength, and healing.

Paul's life is a perfect example of strength and perserverance even in the most difficult circumstances. He was imprisoned multiple times for preaching the gospel, yet he never gave up. He was blunt, honest, and personal with those around him wanting nothing more than to see people saved. God gave him huge responsibilities because God knew that Paul could handle it. 1st Corinthians 10:13 says, "No temptation  has seized you except that which is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." Paul never gave up when things got tough.

I am thankful for Paul's example. I am grateful to God that he is big and mighty. Like the Spanish song says, "Mi Dios es tan grande, tan fuerte, poderoso. No hay nada q no pueda hacer." I pray that even in the tough situations and the moments of spiritual warfare that I never forget the God of the universe who loves me enough to care about me, an insignificant human being living on this earth with 6 billion plus other human beings. I pray that through conversations and mentoring relationships that I would have the words of God to speak to others that would reveal to them the love of Christ and the power of his resurrection. I pray the I not give up in the tough times and that I would perservere to the end.

God is in control, and I will not let Satan defeat me!

Restless

And I'm restless, I'm restless
'Til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You
I'm restless, I'm restless
'Til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You
Oh God, I wanna rest in You

The lyrics to this song by Audrey Assad have been stuck in my head all day. My mind, body, and soul are restless. They ache for something more. I feel an emotion I cannot explain welling up within me; the deepest parts of me are restless, unsettled, and fighting for more. More of what? More passion, more fire, more strength, and more action.

When I think about the future I become ecstatic. I can't help but be certain that God has plans for me bigger than anything I could possibly imagine at this point in my life. I desire to be a part of something big, a worldwide movement for Christ. I desire to see children from devastating situations run to the arms of their heavenly Father. I desire to see this world changed for the better, and I want to be a part of it.

Teaching is a wonderful profession in which I am able to stand in my faith and share the light of Christ with my students each day. I don't have to preach at them, I may not be allowed to read my Bible to them, but I can show them Christ simply by the way I live. Just today a student asked me if I was a Christian, and my response was, "Yes, indeed I am." This little boy then went on to say, "I could tell." I know God has placed me in this profession for a purpose, and I will use my talents and knowledge to bring him glory.

However, through my recent prayers and devotions, I am feeling more and more that this is temporary...5 years, 10 years, who knows. I believe God has plans for me outside of the States. I would love nothing more than to open and run an orphanage in South America. Is that God's plan for my life? I have no idea, but at this point, I honestly believe that I will not be here in New Paris, Indiana forever.

I miss the ministries I was invovled with in Peru. I enjoy talking to my friends there and hearing all the wonderful things God is doing in them, their churches, and their ministries. I long to once again be a part of those teams. While I'm here I pray for them, and I support them as much as I can from this distance, but it just isn't the same. I'm already counting down the days to summer vacation and another visit back to my other home. I miss it so much!!

You are my deepest longing, so I see You everywhere.

It's You I'm chasing after cause I am captivated by who You are and how You move.
I'll follow You forever, God, for love of You.

For love of You, I'm a sky on fire.
For love of You, I come alive.
It's Your Sacred Heart within me beating, Your voice within me singing
out for love of You; it's all for You.

The Perfect Getaway

No, I did not title this after the movie, but rather because God knew I needed a short trip far away from anything normal. He knew I needed to spend some time away from the busyness of life and just relax in his creation. This weekend's whirlwind trip to Canada may have been exhausting, but it was everything I needed and more.

It was wonderful to be in nature, to be away from cable tv, internet, my cellphone, and everything else that comes with this high technology world in which we live (including heat). We even had a limited supply of water which meant only 1 shower all weekend and only flushing the toilet when necessary. It was nice to wake up with the sun, spend the entire day without a schedule; to sit in awe of the gorgeous changing leaves that surrounded our cottage on the lake and bask in the glory of our Savior. I got my Peruvian fix on a small level...music, a bit of Spanish language, and some quality time with a crazy Peruvian friend.

Highlights of the trip included: hiking to a waterfall (aka a dam), taking the canoe out for a trip around the lake, relaxing in the sunshine, spontaneously jumping into freezing cold water, sitting outside alone praying & admiring creation, failing at building a campfire due to wet wood, stargazing while shivering under blankets, and living simply. Saturday felt like the longest day in the world, but it was the best day I've had in a while.

God knew before we left that this trip was everything I needed and more. He had been preparing this trip for a while, and despite it being cancelled last weekend, God had a plan. This trip could not have come at a better time. Thank you Jesus for always giving me exactly what I need when I need it.

Memories

I'm a big fan of memories. I enjoy looking back on the past and smiling at all the good things God has blessed me with. However, sometimes those memories also remind me of lessons I've learned along the way.

Tonight on the way home from Ft. Wayne, a friend and I shared her iPod headphones in order to drown out the awful talk radio being played by the driver...haha :-) This reminded me of the many days/nights riding in the back of taxis in Peru, sharing my iPod, and enjoying the company of a special friend.

I was also reminded that this friend changed the way I will forever treat dating. Here in the United States, I often feel the pressure of the world around me to get married. I have a lot of single friends, but I also have a good amount of friends that are married, some even with children. I'm worried that I'll fall into this "need" to be married and settle for someone less than I deserve.

I often have to remind myself that this same friend I shared my iPod with, also taught me what it means to have a Godly relationship. I remember many nights we'd spend reading the Bible together, discussing our devotions, praying together, or worshipping God with our voices and a guitar. Even now that we're over a thousand miles apart, on separate continents, our monthly conversations often lead to Godly discussions of the things we're learning, things we're struggling with, and ways God is working in our lives.

I don't know who God is preparing to be my future husband, but I know that he will be an amazing man. I pray he is a man of God that will challenge me to be a better person and a stronger, more faithful follower of Christ. I pray that he has a heart for South America, a love for children, and a longing desire to serve outside the U.S.

Breaking

I'm a happy person; I really am. However, the smile on my face somedays is only an image that covers part of what's going on inside.

I miss fellowship with Christian friends. I miss living in community with a body of believers. I'm dying inside, and my heart aches for so much more.

The people who know me best (aside from my family) live a minimum of 2 hours away. The people I would
trust with any area of my life aren't as easliy available as they once were.

I have a life here; God has me here for a reason. However, it's so hard to go out with friends and have shallow, empty conversations. It's hard to spend time with people who don't challenge me or encourage me to be a better person and a stronger Christian. Yes they are my friends, but I miss deep friendships.

Thankfully, despite my lack of deep friendships in my hometown, I am daily encouraged by a wonderful, God loving workplace. I may work in a public school, but the staff I work with is one of the most God-focused groups of people I know. My job is to educate children, but along with that comes the example I set for them. I know without a doubt God placed me where I am to share his love with those around me. I pray that the time I spend with my students will lead them to want to make a difference in this world. I pray that they would see God's love flowing through me, and that they would desire to know him as their personal Saviour. That prayer is what keeps me going and what keeps me desiring more of the Lord. Without his help, I cannot give these children what they deserve from me.

I may be breaking apart on the inside, but God keeps me going. Just like tonight, as I wrote this post I was interrupted by a real conversation with a true friend...a friend whom I trust, a friend whom I know will always be there for me, a friend whom I miss very much!

Thanks God for wiping my tears and providing that for me tonight :)