Following the Ebb & Flow of Life

No matter how much time I spend in this country, how emerged I become with the culture, or how fluent I become in the language I don't think I'll ever feel fully acclimated to life here. Don't get me wrong, I love Peru and its people, the culture and its rich history, and that fact that I found my husband here. But on the other hand, I don't like that I have to be cautious and think about what I'm carrying with me every time I leave the house. I don't like being watched and cat-called by men on the street, and I don't like grocery shopping or worrying about how I will carry all of the groceries to my doorstep on my own.

Life has its way of changing. Throughout high school and college I dreamed of living abroad, teaching students in a multicultural setting, and becoming fluent in Spanish as I managed my way around an unknown city made up of primarily Spanish speakers. I was full of hopes and dreams, wondering where life would take me. Not to say I don't still hope and dream, but my thought patterns have changed.

I've come to believe that I've fulfilled my dream of living abroad, teaching, and learning the language, and now I'm ready to move back home. However, God doesn't seem to think I'm done here yet. My plan was never to marry a local, stay beyond my 2.5 year contract, or become part of a family made up of over 100 members, but God's plan was different. And at the same time, I wouldn't trade any of it for anything.

As I look back on my blogs from trips to Peru and my first months officially living here, I realize I will never be that exact same version of myself again. My experience here in Peru has change me, it has changed my view of the world, it's altered my ideas and perspectives of rich and poor, and it's given me new thoughts and opinions about how to help those in need and educate those who have everything.

The longer I spend here working among the wealthy and volunteering among those in poverty, I realize that neither group is better off than the other. The joy that flows from the faces of the children at the children's home is often the highlight of my week. Then the lack of enthusiasm I witness from students each day at school makes my heart sad for them. Kids that have so much but appreciate so little vs children who have little and appreciate even the smallest gesture of love.

I'm not sure what the next phase of life holds. My current hopes and dreams are to move to the States within a day's drive from my family, buy a house, and begin our family - The Gutierrez family. But I know that's not what God has in store for Javier and me at this moment in time. Right now we feel called to invest in the children at the children's home, care for his grandmother, and live a simple "American" life here in Peru. <American because our life is anything but a simple Peruvian life, yet we aren't among the wealthy of the country either.>

For now, it's just my husband and I embarking on this journey together and praying that the Lord leads us in the way that we should go. We're trusting God to show us His divine plan for us as husband and wife as we follow the ebb and flow of the city life that surrounds us.

The Civil Wedding: Somewhere Between Fiancé and Wife

For those of you that have been following my blog, you've read about the difficulties Javier and I passed through trying to obtain the correct documents for marriage in Peru. We persevered and finally, after two months of stress, sweat, and tears we handed in all of the documents, passed our medical exams, and submitted our final payment for legal marriage. We set the date and we waited.

The date was May 4, 2015. Exactly 21 months after Javier first asked me to date him; a little more than a year and a half since we "officially" became boyfriend and girlfriend.

I had to smile because when I first started dating Javier he told me he knew that I was the girl he would marry. I wasn't quite so sure in the early stages of dating, but I agreed to embark on the journey and see how the Lord would guide and direct us as individuals and in our relationship. The catch was, he had every intention of marrying me, but he made it very clear that he wouldn't marry me for a minimum of 3 years so that we had plenty of time to get to know one another (as if 4 years of friendship prior to dating hadn't allowed us to get to know one another at least a little bit).

Here we are not even two years later: married by law but waiting for the "religious" (traditional) wedding service to live as a married couple - under the same roof, sharing the same bank accounts, etc.

The civil wedding was anti-climactic to say the least. Honestly, I'm thankful it wasn't more than it was. After wading through so much paperwork leading up to the date, it felt like we had dressed up to sign more paperwork. I don't feel married, but I do enjoy calling Javier my husband and hearing him thank God for his wife when he prays.

To put it simple:

• We arrived early and we waited in the lobby to be called back to the ceremony room.
• We stood before the "judge" with our witnesses on both sides, and we listened to the laws of marriage as they were read to us.
• He asked Javier if he agreed to the laws. Javier responded, "Sí!"
• He asked me if I agreed to the laws, and I also responded, "Sí!"
• We exchanged rings.
• We signed the marriage license and stamped our fingerprints beside our signatures.
• We kissed.
• Finally, we went outside to take a few pictures.

It took 10 minutes...literally!! 

Months of hassle, frustration, and tears: incorrect documents, waiting for correct documents to arrive, missing pieces of my residency. A great lesson in patience. A time of growth in our relationship with each other. Another experience to add to the list of ways Peru is not like the USA. 

And tonight, I find myself preparing to return to work tomorrow after a 10 day break. When people ask, I am still a Señorita. However, to close friends and family I have become a Señora. 

I'm somewhere between a fiancé and a wife - not fully one or the other. 

As I explained to Javier, it's a good thing labels are just that...labels. Our relationship has consisted of a lot of confusion in that department. Dating but not quite boyfriend/girlfriend. Wedding planning but not officially engaged. And now, married but waiting for the July ceremony to receive the blessing from God upon our marriage. 

Since Javier won't let me share the civil wedding pictures on my Facebook (as not to confuse our friends), I'll share a few with you here. 

Waiting for the ceremony with Mike and Diane Fietje.

Mike was a witness for our wedding.

Listening to the laws.

Signing the marriage license.

Exchanging the rings.

Stamping fingerprints.

Showing off our rings which are our actual wedding bands.

We only wore them for the day, and now they are safely put away until the July ceremony.

We're married!

Showing off our certificate of marriage.

Pictures after the ceremony with Nancy Miller.

Javier's mom and one of our witnesses for the wedding.

Thank you for you prayers over our marriage as we begin this new adventure together.
"Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate."
Mark 10:9 (NIV) 

Legal Paperwork Part 2

Warning: If you haven't read the February post titled "The Chronicles of the Apostrophe" this post probably won't make much sense, so go on over and read that first.

This week my birth certificate arrived via a lovely family that came to Peru and travelled all the way to Cuzco. On their way back home they had a flight through Lima in which I was to meet them at the airport to retrieve the long awaited document. To make a long story short: confusion of dates and sickness kept me from going to the airport. Javier ended up going to the airport by himself as a detour on his way to work Monday evening. And alas we have the document in hand.

Before taking my birth certificate and letter verifying I have never been married to be translated, Javier  made a stop at the mayor's office to ensure that we had all of the proper documentation. He accepted the documents, but found an error with my residency. Of course nothing in this country can be simple...

In Peru, I have to update my residency yearly to prove that I am still here working. There is also an annual fee I have to pay. Usually they put a sticker on the back of your resident card to show that you have paid and updated your status. However, the law has changed, and now it is all in the computer system. They are no longer using the stickers, but when you enter the numbers into the government system, then it shows up at that I am legally in the country.

Unfortunately, the elderly man in charge of legal weddings here where I live didn't want to take Javier's word nor the documents I had stating that I have paid and am legal. Javier tried to explain the situatoin, but the man only wanted to ee the sticker on my resident card or there would be no wedding.

Thankfully, Javier has a way with words, and he convinced the man to call the immigration office. After a short exchange, the man nodded his head in approval, and Javier was on his way to drop off my paperwork with a legal translator. We picked up the paperwork on Friday, and everything is now placed in a plastic report folder waiting to be turned in. Next we have to do medical screenings and then publish our marriage in the paper for 8 days. Then, we will finally be able to set a date for the legal ceremony.

It's been quite the exhausting, frustrating process. I've cried in the office at the municipality more than once, and I've spent a lot of time in prayer that everything would work out. At one point I even asked God if this was his sign that we shouldn't be getting married - which I later decided wasn't the reason, but that perhaps God is trying to teach me patience.

As all Peruvians say, "Por algo ." Meaning: There is a reason.

Hopefully, all of this to say, that by the end of April, I should be a legally married woman. However, we are still waiting until the "religious" (traditional) ceremony to take place before we will consider ourselves to be married.

Thank you all for your continued prayers. Let me leave you with another picture from our engagement session.

A Visit from the Doctor

I've always prided myself in never having to use Peruvian healthcare, although I knew sooner or later it was to happen. The good thing about Peru is that when one gets sick, the pharmacy almost always has an antibiotic on hand one can take without a prescription, so that is usually my go to source.

However, when I was up all night Sunday sick to my stomach I was afraid a visit with the doctor may be in my near future. Trying to be tough, I overdosed on TUMS and took imodium with me in my purse hoping to make it through a day of school. Since sick days are not given as part of my contract, in order to be absent from work one must provide a doctor's excuse meaning if I missed work I had no choice but to visit a doctor...something I was hoping not to do.

By 8:30 a.m. I felt like I was on fire and when I stood up I got so dizzy I had to sit back down. I couldn't even make it from my desk to the doorway without holding onto the wall the whole way. So I stalked down the hall to the bathroom and then into the director's office and explained my situation. She sent me to the nurse, and the nurse sent me straight home after discovering my fever was over 101F.

Everyone at school always talks about this wonderful service that our insurance provides in which a doctor comes straight to your house. I called as soon as I got home, spelled my name fifteen different times, and explained over and over that I only have one last name. (Unfortunately, I couldn't tell them I am Yesica Gutierrez like I normally do since I had to use my legal name.) After about 15 minutes I was told my insurance didn't carry this benefit, so I hung up, emailed the lady in charge of the insurance at school, and I went straight to bed.

I woke nearly 7 hours later with a fever of 103.8F, received an email from work with a different policy number, and I called the doctor again. This time after spelling my name thirteen more times and explaining several times that I only have one last name, a doctor was sent to my house. He arrived nearly 3 hours later at 9:30pm.

Now, I will say it is quite convenient to have the doctor come straight to you, but I won't say the service was the best. The doctor was nice, but he honestly didn't do much. He asked my symptoms and what my temperature  was last time I checked; then he took my blood pressure and pressed on my abdomen a few times. Finally, he wrote me a prescription for 5 different medicines (for dehydration, fever, nausea, parasites, and infection), and he was on his way out the door less than 15 minutes after he arrived. Five minutes later the pharmacy was on my doorstep with the medicine he had ordered.  And by 10:30pm I was back in bed with lots of drugs in my system.

I took Tuesday off work because there was no way I was going to play tough girl again. Javier was off, too, so he came to spend the day with me. Basically we both slept most of the day since I was sick and he had worked overnight the night before. But he made sure I had soup for dinner and that I took my medicines on time.

So while I lost my pride of no medical history in Peru, I can say I've had yet another new experience...a doctor visiting my house and medicine delivered to my door all for less than 20 US dollars.

And just in case you're wondering - Yes, I am feeling much better. After my first meal in 5 days which was Chinese food for dinner last night, tamales for breakfast this morning, and Papa Johns tonight, I'd say I am cured.

Although, now allergy and cold season is starting so my eyes are bright red and my nose doesn't stop running...

Let me leave you with one of my favorite pictures from our engagement session. :)

The Chronicles of the Apostrophe

"This will be something we look back on one day and laugh about," responded Javier to my aggravation over a missed apostrophe in my last name, O'Connor. 

You see, here in Peru you must have a legal wedding before you can have the religious (traditional) wedding ceremony. The legal ceremony consists of the laws of marriage being stated, the exchanging of vows and rings, and the signing of the marriage certificate. It would be similar to going to the courthouse to receive your marriage license in the States but on a much larger scale. Most couples do the legal ceremony just days before the religious wedding.

However, as a foreigner things are a bit different. You see, there are 2 documents you are supposed to get in your home country to bring to Peru for the legal ceremony. The first is a letter stating that you are not married and have never been married (or in some cases a letter proving that you are divorced and legally eligible for marriage). The second is a birth certificate. Both documents are to have an apostille.To make things more complicated, the couple must marry within 60 days of the date marked on the documents.

For Javier and I that meant that upon returning to Peru we'd have about a month and a half to legally be married even though our traditional ceremony isn't until July. And We worked so hard to get everything in order to take the the town hall, and we were denied because my birth certificate wasn't written with an apostrophe in my last name.

After a trip to the US Embassy, I spent the evening writing an affidavit claiming that I am the same person with or without the apostrophe in my last name. I received a scanned copy of the original birth certificate issued at birth which included an apostrophe, and I made copies of all of my documents. We realized my driver's license also does not have an apostrophe which we thought would benefit us in the process. Javier spent hours carefully translating the affidavit into Spanish, and we took it to the US Embassy to be signed and sealed. In talking with the lawyer at the US Embassy I was promised that this is a procedure they do often and that it is an acceptable way of verifying the legality of my birth certificate since the US Embassy cannot issue a birth certificate.

We were so relieved to have the documents in hand, and we returned to the town hall only to be denied again. The man in charge of the district where I live wasn't willing to accept the affidavit. He claimed that I could have asked any friend of mine to sign and seal it, and he demanded a birth certificate with an apostrophe or that I change all of my documents to be without. 

So I spent hours on the phone with my mother and the State of Indiana Health Department. I was told it would be impossible to put an apostrophe in my name because the software they use doesn't allow extra characters. I talked to another lady who seemed willing to help, but after 15 minutes on hold, I hung up. I called the next morning and talked to a very helpful lady who was able to do just what I needed. 

Finally, 2 weeks later, we think we have everything sorted out. Now we are waiting for the birth certificate to arrive with the apostille, so that we can have the document translated and finally be legally married in Peru, hopefully before the date on the letter stating that I am single"expires" in the early part of March. 

I never knew an apostrophe was so important. In the States it doesn't seem to matter if it is there or not - credit cards, driver's license, etc. However, here in Peru they seem to think that I am two different people. One person has an apostrophe in her last name and the other person does not.

I just hope that Javier is right that this will be something we laugh about one day. Right now the joke in the midst of all the wedding planning is, "...if we get married" not because we don't want to, but legally at this point it is impossible. 

God is testing our patience and perserverance. He is testing our love for one another and our willingness to do whatever it takes to be together. God has a plan for this, and while we don't understand why this happened, we know that at the end of it all we will get to spend the rest of our lives together. And eventually I'll change my last name, so hopefully there are no more errors of forgotten apostrophes. 

And I'll leave you with a few pictures from the proposal just for fun.

 151 days until the wedding!