Following the Ebb & Flow of Life

No matter how much time I spend in this country, how emerged I become with the culture, or how fluent I become in the language I don't think I'll ever feel fully acclimated to life here. Don't get me wrong, I love Peru and its people, the culture and its rich history, and that fact that I found my husband here. But on the other hand, I don't like that I have to be cautious and think about what I'm carrying with me every time I leave the house. I don't like being watched and cat-called by men on the street, and I don't like grocery shopping or worrying about how I will carry all of the groceries to my doorstep on my own.

Life has its way of changing. Throughout high school and college I dreamed of living abroad, teaching students in a multicultural setting, and becoming fluent in Spanish as I managed my way around an unknown city made up of primarily Spanish speakers. I was full of hopes and dreams, wondering where life would take me. Not to say I don't still hope and dream, but my thought patterns have changed.

I've come to believe that I've fulfilled my dream of living abroad, teaching, and learning the language, and now I'm ready to move back home. However, God doesn't seem to think I'm done here yet. My plan was never to marry a local, stay beyond my 2.5 year contract, or become part of a family made up of over 100 members, but God's plan was different. And at the same time, I wouldn't trade any of it for anything.

As I look back on my blogs from trips to Peru and my first months officially living here, I realize I will never be that exact same version of myself again. My experience here in Peru has change me, it has changed my view of the world, it's altered my ideas and perspectives of rich and poor, and it's given me new thoughts and opinions about how to help those in need and educate those who have everything.

The longer I spend here working among the wealthy and volunteering among those in poverty, I realize that neither group is better off than the other. The joy that flows from the faces of the children at the children's home is often the highlight of my week. Then the lack of enthusiasm I witness from students each day at school makes my heart sad for them. Kids that have so much but appreciate so little vs children who have little and appreciate even the smallest gesture of love.

I'm not sure what the next phase of life holds. My current hopes and dreams are to move to the States within a day's drive from my family, buy a house, and begin our family - The Gutierrez family. But I know that's not what God has in store for Javier and me at this moment in time. Right now we feel called to invest in the children at the children's home, care for his grandmother, and live a simple "American" life here in Peru. <American because our life is anything but a simple Peruvian life, yet we aren't among the wealthy of the country either.>

For now, it's just my husband and I embarking on this journey together and praying that the Lord leads us in the way that we should go. We're trusting God to show us His divine plan for us as husband and wife as we follow the ebb and flow of the city life that surrounds us.

Legal Paperwork Part 2

Warning: If you haven't read the February post titled "The Chronicles of the Apostrophe" this post probably won't make much sense, so go on over and read that first.

This week my birth certificate arrived via a lovely family that came to Peru and travelled all the way to Cuzco. On their way back home they had a flight through Lima in which I was to meet them at the airport to retrieve the long awaited document. To make a long story short: confusion of dates and sickness kept me from going to the airport. Javier ended up going to the airport by himself as a detour on his way to work Monday evening. And alas we have the document in hand.

Before taking my birth certificate and letter verifying I have never been married to be translated, Javier  made a stop at the mayor's office to ensure that we had all of the proper documentation. He accepted the documents, but found an error with my residency. Of course nothing in this country can be simple...

In Peru, I have to update my residency yearly to prove that I am still here working. There is also an annual fee I have to pay. Usually they put a sticker on the back of your resident card to show that you have paid and updated your status. However, the law has changed, and now it is all in the computer system. They are no longer using the stickers, but when you enter the numbers into the government system, then it shows up at that I am legally in the country.

Unfortunately, the elderly man in charge of legal weddings here where I live didn't want to take Javier's word nor the documents I had stating that I have paid and am legal. Javier tried to explain the situatoin, but the man only wanted to ee the sticker on my resident card or there would be no wedding.

Thankfully, Javier has a way with words, and he convinced the man to call the immigration office. After a short exchange, the man nodded his head in approval, and Javier was on his way to drop off my paperwork with a legal translator. We picked up the paperwork on Friday, and everything is now placed in a plastic report folder waiting to be turned in. Next we have to do medical screenings and then publish our marriage in the paper for 8 days. Then, we will finally be able to set a date for the legal ceremony.

It's been quite the exhausting, frustrating process. I've cried in the office at the municipality more than once, and I've spent a lot of time in prayer that everything would work out. At one point I even asked God if this was his sign that we shouldn't be getting married - which I later decided wasn't the reason, but that perhaps God is trying to teach me patience.

As all Peruvians say, "Por algo ." Meaning: There is a reason.

Hopefully, all of this to say, that by the end of April, I should be a legally married woman. However, we are still waiting until the "religious" (traditional) ceremony to take place before we will consider ourselves to be married.

Thank you all for your continued prayers. Let me leave you with another picture from our engagement session.

The Chronicles of the Apostrophe

"This will be something we look back on one day and laugh about," responded Javier to my aggravation over a missed apostrophe in my last name, O'Connor. 

You see, here in Peru you must have a legal wedding before you can have the religious (traditional) wedding ceremony. The legal ceremony consists of the laws of marriage being stated, the exchanging of vows and rings, and the signing of the marriage certificate. It would be similar to going to the courthouse to receive your marriage license in the States but on a much larger scale. Most couples do the legal ceremony just days before the religious wedding.

However, as a foreigner things are a bit different. You see, there are 2 documents you are supposed to get in your home country to bring to Peru for the legal ceremony. The first is a letter stating that you are not married and have never been married (or in some cases a letter proving that you are divorced and legally eligible for marriage). The second is a birth certificate. Both documents are to have an apostille.To make things more complicated, the couple must marry within 60 days of the date marked on the documents.

For Javier and I that meant that upon returning to Peru we'd have about a month and a half to legally be married even though our traditional ceremony isn't until July. And We worked so hard to get everything in order to take the the town hall, and we were denied because my birth certificate wasn't written with an apostrophe in my last name.

After a trip to the US Embassy, I spent the evening writing an affidavit claiming that I am the same person with or without the apostrophe in my last name. I received a scanned copy of the original birth certificate issued at birth which included an apostrophe, and I made copies of all of my documents. We realized my driver's license also does not have an apostrophe which we thought would benefit us in the process. Javier spent hours carefully translating the affidavit into Spanish, and we took it to the US Embassy to be signed and sealed. In talking with the lawyer at the US Embassy I was promised that this is a procedure they do often and that it is an acceptable way of verifying the legality of my birth certificate since the US Embassy cannot issue a birth certificate.

We were so relieved to have the documents in hand, and we returned to the town hall only to be denied again. The man in charge of the district where I live wasn't willing to accept the affidavit. He claimed that I could have asked any friend of mine to sign and seal it, and he demanded a birth certificate with an apostrophe or that I change all of my documents to be without. 

So I spent hours on the phone with my mother and the State of Indiana Health Department. I was told it would be impossible to put an apostrophe in my name because the software they use doesn't allow extra characters. I talked to another lady who seemed willing to help, but after 15 minutes on hold, I hung up. I called the next morning and talked to a very helpful lady who was able to do just what I needed. 

Finally, 2 weeks later, we think we have everything sorted out. Now we are waiting for the birth certificate to arrive with the apostille, so that we can have the document translated and finally be legally married in Peru, hopefully before the date on the letter stating that I am single"expires" in the early part of March. 

I never knew an apostrophe was so important. In the States it doesn't seem to matter if it is there or not - credit cards, driver's license, etc. However, here in Peru they seem to think that I am two different people. One person has an apostrophe in her last name and the other person does not.

I just hope that Javier is right that this will be something we laugh about one day. Right now the joke in the midst of all the wedding planning is, "...if we get married" not because we don't want to, but legally at this point it is impossible. 

God is testing our patience and perserverance. He is testing our love for one another and our willingness to do whatever it takes to be together. God has a plan for this, and while we don't understand why this happened, we know that at the end of it all we will get to spend the rest of our lives together. And eventually I'll change my last name, so hopefully there are no more errors of forgotten apostrophes. 

And I'll leave you with a few pictures from the proposal just for fun.

 151 days until the wedding!

Living to Serve - Prayers Please

For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’  “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’ “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me." ~ Matthew 25:35-40

One of the most important lessons I have learned in the last year is that anyone can serve the Lord. You don't have to have a huge bank account of money or even the grandest of all houses. It simply takes a willing heart and a desire to help others.

One of the first things that drew me to Javier was his desire to help others. We met at the Children's Home in 2009 and every time our paths crossed here in Peru he was one of the first ones to call and make sure I was settled and had everything I might need. At the time neither of us had even thought about a relationship beyond friendship, but God has a way of altering our plans and doing things in his timing.

Upon my arrival to Peru last year, Javier was one of the first people to call me, to help me look for an apartment, and to make sure I was settled into my new home. After a month or two, we both began to realize our relationship was changing, and the rest is history.

Anyways, our relationship is not the purpose of this post.

Upon meeting Javier, I noticed a love for the children of Kids Alive. He'd come and play with the kids, buy things they might need, and he usually returned from his trips abroad with something for each of them. He loved them and loved spending time with them.

Since our relationship has begun, he has taught me so much in means of serving others. He uses the car to give some of the guys at work a ride home who many make less or live further away. A few weeks ago we picked up a young girl and her 15 month old baby walking along the road at 12:30 at night to take them home - a 10 minute drive which would have taken her about an hour walking, not to mention the danger aspect.

We've recently decided together to use our resources, knowledge, and love for the children to begin to help the adolescents at the Juniper Tree (Kids Alive) Children's home. Our desire is to find interests they may have and provide classes or training so that upon leaving the home they have a skill that they can use to support themselves.
A few weeks ago we were able to pay for one of the teenage boys who is a phenomenal artist to take a 2 day course in which he was able to learn techniques for 3D painting using ceramic material and a wooden board. Javier picked him up and drove him downtown both days for his class. After the course finished, we were able to purchase the supplies he would need to continue to practice this new art he had learned.
We'd love to do this with other children as well. However, the key is finding what the children are interested in and then looking for ways to help them to develop these interests. It also takes coordination with schedules and money.
In the future we'd love to open our home (when we have one) to the kids to come a few at a time and stay for a weekend. Our desire is for them to see how a family functions outside of the children's home and to be an example of a Godly marriage.
It's a mission/ministry we both feel very called to, but we are still trying to figure out how exactly it may develop and function.

Please be in prayer for us as we continue to develop our ideas and work with the children to determine their interests and the best way for us to help. Pray for us as we run ideas by directors of the home who thus far have been very supportive - although I've heard rumors that they're praying for us to be house parents and live at the home with 6-7 kids in our care once we are married (a field of ministry we do not feel called to at this point). Pray for time and resources - both of which can at times be limited. Pray also that the Lord would continue to guide us and direct us in the way that He has paved for us to go and that if it means a change in our vision that we would follow as He leads.

Much love from Peru! ~ Jessica

The Questions Everyone's Asking...

The Questions:

Are you excited? 

Are you stressed?

How are your plans coming along? 

When do you leave? 

The {simple} Answers:

Yes!

Not really...
As good as they can be.

August 5th.

These questions seem to be conversation starters with me recently. I don't mind them at all since they give me reason to share my excitement about moving to Peru without bringing it up on my own. However, I feel like I bore people with all of my Peru talk, so stop me if you desire. I won't be offended I promise!

And for all of you who aren't bored to death with my Peru talk, read further for the more explained answers to the daily questions I've been getting.

Q: Are you excited?

A: I am most definitely, beyond a shadow of a doubt, absolutely, positively excited for my upcoming move to Peru! There are some nights recently I haven't been able to sleep because my mind just gets going. I'm excited for authentic Peruvian food. I'm excited to live near the ocean. I'm excited to actually spend time with and really get to know friends that I've only met and known for months at a time. I'm thrilled to finally have this chance to follow through with this dream and desire God placed on my heart as a teenager. 

Q: Are you stressed?

A: Did you read the second sentence in the answer above {the one where I mentioned not being able to sleep some nights}? I think deep down inside I am certainly stressed, but on the surface I'm feeling great. I'm trying to take one day at a time and get done what I can while also working in time to run, read, and soak up hours with family and friends. I don't want to miss any opportunity to be with those important to me, so packing for Peru and all that jazz is of least importance at this point. I still have a month before I have to be out of my apartment, and I've got 44 days before I leave the country...plenty of time!!

Q: How are your plans coming along?

A: Now this is a complicated answer to say the least. God's plans are falling into place, while my plans are irrelevant at this point. I feel that I've done and am doing everything I can possibly do. I have my visa, I'm reading through the curriculum framework I was given, and I'm in prayer daily asking the Lord to guide me and direct me. Like I said in the previous answer, I'm just taking one day at a time. I don't know where my permanent residence will be in Peru, I don't know what my budget will look like,  and I have no idea how to even begin to plan for teaching since I don't know my daily schedules or even how the framework actually works in a real setting. However, my confidence lies in the fact that the Lord has provided up to this point, and I firmly believe that He isn't going to leave me hanging now. Thankfully, I do have a place to stay for the first few weeks I'm in Peru, I will be bringing home more money than I am currently making and the cost of living should be less, and I will be co-teaching the first semester so I can learn the programs and curriculum firsthand before being thrown to the wolves.

Q: When do you leave?

A: My flight is scheduled for departure at 11:55 a.m. central time on Monday, August 5th out of Chicago, and I'll need to arrive at the airport around 9:30 or 10 a.m. Considering the drive is about 2 1/2 hours from where I live, we'll need to leave for the airport at 8:00 a.m. eastern time. If you want to get technical that is 44 days, 7 hours, and 38 minutes from right now. I don't think I'll actually believe that this is really happening though until I'm on the plane, and then I'm sure it will hit me like a ton of bricks. {I will be home for Christmas though, and every time I say it I start to sing it in my mind.}

Prayer cards will be mailed out tomorrow. If you would like one, please let me know so that I can get one in the mail to you, also. I plan to send my first prayer warrior newsletter mid-July, so if you aren't on the email list for that and would like to be, please let me know that, too!

Thank you all for your prayers and support. <3

Why Go There {Peru}?

When I first learned I'd be moving to Peru later this year, I was quick to share the news with those close to me, and a little hesitant to voice it aloud to those I didn't know so well. I hated all the follow-up questions.

• Why are you going there? (It has been a dream of mine for quite some time.)
• Do you not like your job here? (I l...o...v...e my job here, but I feel like this is what God wants me to do.)
• What will you be teaching when you get there? (3rd and 4th grade English in a private British school.)
• Where will you live? (I don't know!)
• Do you have family or a boyfriend there? (Nope!)

Then came the statement, "That's great for you! I'd never be able to do that. You are so brave."

Now, I'm getting used to the shocked faces, the excited responses, and the "you're crazy" conversations. I am starting to enjoy the reactions I get from people, and it has become a great way to openly share my faith.

It's interesting to see the responses I get when I tell people that I feel like moving to Peru is what God wants me to do. Some of them respond with, "Well that's great for you! Good luck!" Others ask further questions. Not too long ago I was asked by a friend of mine how I knew that was God's plan and not just a dream of my own. It was awesome to share with her (she has a very skewed knowledge of the Bible) my certainty that this was God's plan and not my own doing.

It was my dream when I was searching for a job in Peru. I spent two years checking schools online for postings and emailing my resume shortly before the end of each academic year. At that time it wasn't God's plan, it was my own. Now I am confident that this is God's plan because for over a year I hadn't even looked at a Peruvian school webpage. I quit searching on my own, and I told God that if it was what He wanted then He had to open the door. I told God I was done trying to override His plan for my life. It was just a few short months later that God opened the door I had been seeking and hoping for since 2009.

My friend didn't respond much, and recently has informed me that she just isn't sure where her life is headed or what she is supposed to do with herself. It breaks my heart that she doesn't put her confidence in the Lord, but I have hope that my testimony reached her even if in only a small way.

I've been able to share with people about ministry and missions I'm involved with in Peru, and I've realized a deeper passion for the Lord and a greater desire to serve Him in all that I do. No longer do I get annoyed with all of the questions people ask, but I welcome them.

Soon, I'll be in Peru, and I'm sure the taxi drivers will ask me why I'm there. It happens every year. While it may get old answering the same questions over and over again, my hope is that the Lord will use me through this to be a vessel for Him and reach people in this lost and dying world.

My prayer tonight: Take my life and let it be, all for YOU and for YOUR glory! I will not boast in me alone, for I know that it is only by God's grace and His plan that I am able to live this wonderful life I'm living. He is good, and only He is worthy to be praised!

In With the New!

As I sit here, on my couch, watching the New Year's Rockin' Eve 2013, I can't help but think of the changes coming in the year 2013 and the goals I have set for myself. As stated in my last post, 2012 was an amazing year, and I have high expectations for this year, too. The year 2012 was definitely my year for growing in the Lord and the Lord advancing His purposes for my life. I expect that 2013 will be no different including a whole new list of experiences and challenges but hopefully also moments of delight and enjoyment.

Upcoming in 2013:

• I plan to pray for every country around the world using Operation World Prayer Guide to Every Nation. Despite the turmoil, war, and suffering occurring around the world, I have faith that the Lord is crafting each event to His return as laid out in the book of Revelation. While I excitedly await the return of my Savior, I won't sit around allowing the rest of the world to live without knowing Him. As I pray for each nation throughout the year, I will pray for open ears and hearts and a desire to know the only true Lord, Creator of the Universe. I will pray salvation for people of every nation, tribe, and tongue, and I will have faith that the Lord will continue to work against Satan to fight for the human population that He uniquely created with a desire to have a relationship with each person.
• My best friend is getting married (this weekend actually), and I have the privilege of being her maid of honor. Super excited for Alissa and Josh and the plans God has for them!
• I am leaving a job I love for a country I love, a ministry that stole my heart, and a job I will hopefully enjoy. You can read more about that here. The negative to this is that it also means I must say good-bye to my family for an extended period of time, but I know without a doubt that this is what the Lord has asked of me. By following His will, I also know without a doubt that blessings and goodness will come from it.
• Due to the job transfer, I will be spending my first summer since 2010 in the States. This will actually be my first summer since 2010, also since the last two years I've spent the summer in Peru which is actually their winter. I'm super excited to finally have a chance to get a nice dark tan to cover up my current pasty white state. 
• I will {hopefully} be visiting two places I've never been in the States before...New York City/Philadelphia and Texas! I don't like that 95% of my friends moved out of the area after college, but I do like that it gives me awesome places to go visit! :)

Here's to a fantastic new year, new goals, new experiences, and a deeper understanding of my Lord - His intimate love and His plans for my life. Blessings to all of you, my dear readers!

The Lord's Timing is ALWAYS Right

In August 2013, I will be changing geographical locations and moving across the equator. No, this does not come as a result of the election results; although they were unfavorable in my opinion. This decision has come after a random email one September day and nearly two months of intense prayer asking that the Lord would slam the door shut if it were not meant to be. However, He didn't slam the door; in fact, He has left it wide open!

If you have kept up with my blog, you probably already know that since my sophomore year of high school I have dreamed of teaching overseas. My dreams were crushed by a professor my junior year of college, a professor who went as far as attempting to persuade me that teaching wasn't my forte. This professor, my practicum advisor, had me in tears more than once, and my residents (I was an RA that year) always knew when I had met with this particular woman. After graduating university and a second mission trip to Peru, I was reminded of my dream to live and teach in South America, and the Lord provided an opportunity to do just that for a short time from August - December in the year 2009. Ever since this experience I've dreamed of going back; yet the more I prayed, the more I felt the Lord saying, "not right now."

I have found comfort and joy in working at New Paris Elementary for the last three years. Since acquiring a third grade position at NPE, I have always said that if I have to be in the USA there is no place I'd rather be.  However, my dreams of returning to teach in Peru never subsided. Since January 2010, I have prayed for an opportunity to return to Peru to teach making a sustainable wage while also being involved in ministry outside of the school day.

In June I quit praying to return to Peru. Having moved into my own apartment in January, and feeling confident in my position at work, I decided I would let the Lord open the door when it was His time, and if He never did, I would be content. I remember going for a run, one morning in early June. I left my iPod at home; it was just me and God. I cried out to the Lord and prayed that His desires would become my desires. I told him that I was no longer going to pray for a teaching position in Peru, but that I would wait for Him to open that door in His timing, if it were His desire.

You may recall posts leading up to my trip to Peru in which I stated this year was my year for closure and good-byes. I treated it just as that, too. I had been offered two opportunities for interviews while in Peru, both of which I turned down - one at a Catholic school and the other at a missionary school in which I would be responsible to raise all of my funds. I left Peru feeling confident that Goshen, Indiana was right where I belong, and I started into the school year by consuming myself with work as not to meditate on my time in Peru. 

On September 10, everything changed. I was contacted by a school I had actually interviewed with in 2009; however, at the time the only position available was a preschool position. This time they asked me to apply for a 3rd/4th grade position. I expressed my concern of the school year beginning in February in Peru and not being able to leave my job here until June. The response I received was exciting: "We wouldn't need you until July, in time to start our 2nd semester." I asked about the pay, and I learned that after taxes my net income would be considerably more than I am making here. At first I wanted to run, to say no, and to continue life as normal, ignoring the whole ordeal. I am supposed to be here, remember?

However, the longer I let it sit and prayed about it, the more I felt the need to apply. I talked with a few Godly people whose opinions are dear to me, all of which told me this was the perfect opportunity. Upon telling my parents, my mom freaked out, and my dad didn't say much at all. I knew that would be my most difficult conversation before I even had it. I applied for the job on September 24th, and I was offered an interview on October 29. 

The whole time I prayed for an obvious sign if this were not the right thing for me. I asked the Lord to slam the door shut or to provide complete peace. After my interview I felt very confident that this opportunity was indeed from the Lord, and I waited patiently (checking my email every hour) for a response. Finally, on Monday, November 5, I received the email I had been waiting for...I was offered the job. I accepted the offer last evening.

I am thankful that I have nearly 9 months to prepare myself for the move to Peru. I know it isn't going to be easy saying good-bye, cramming what I can into 2 suitcases and a carry-on, and packing up the rest of my belongings to sit in boxes for 2.5 years. However, I have no doubt in my mind that the Lord is going to do great things in my future. I knew all along that ...este es mi ano!

If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me! I would love to answer them! :)

American Culture

My first weekend here in Lima I had an interesting conversation with a dear Peruvian friend of mine about mission. As we talked, I began to express some of the things I have realized bout myself and my role in ministry over the course of the last year. One of those things being that I don't know that I see myself coming full time on the mission field until I am married and have someone to come with me. Not saying I'm not open to coming alone, I just feel that at this time that is what God has revealed to me.

"WHAT?!" he exclaimed, and I proceeded to attempt to explain myself. I expressed that I've talked with other missionaries who have done it alone and have received mixed opinions. Some saying being single allows you more freedom to be involved wherever you choose, while others have expressed the difficulty they have felt in not having someone alongside for support and understanding. 

As I've had these conversations, I can't help but think back to my time teaching here in 2009. I had a blast (outside of school), I learned a lot, I grew up and matured, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. However, there were many times where I felt lonely despite my super busy schedule. Yes, I had American/Canadian friends to talk with, but no one really knew me outside of the context of me here in Peru. 

I tried to explain this to my friend, and he asked me, "What is the American culture? How is it different?" That I wasn't sure how to respond. I tried to explain that we are a people of schedule and routine. What we say we are going to do happens when we say we're going to do it. We work Monday-Friday and go out on the weekends. Beyond that I wasn't sure how to express the differences in thinking and ways of doing things. "It's just different," I said, and my friend responded, "But you fit in just fine here." That was a comforting statement, even though sometimes inside I feel very different from what is expressed on the outside. 

For example, three times my first week here I had "plans" with friends who had said they would call me the next day to confirm a time and place to meet. I waited, and the calls never came. So what did I do (being a schedule oriented person)? I called to find out where I am supposed to be when. All three times, I found out the plans were cancelled because other people couldn't come. Now in the States, if the plans are cancelled, you would call and tell the person that. However, here, one is just to assume if you don't here specific plans, they aren't happening. Being a schedule oriented person, all three times I had other offers of things to do, but I've turned them down because, "I have plans." Luckily two of the three times, I was able to call the other offers and go out with them anyways. 

This is just one example of the difference between American culture and Peruvian culture. It's something I face every year, and after about a week I do learn to adjust. The first week is always the hardest, then usually I'm fine and learn to not expect anything and to have a backup plan.

If someone asked you how you'd explain the American culture, how would you describe it? What kinds of things stand out to you?  (I asked this in another post and only got one comment. Please, help me out here!)

10 Years Ago

Ten years ago on September 11, 2001, I was a freshman in high school sitting in my first year of Spanish class, when our teacher reported to us that an airplane had hit the World Trade Center tower. At the time, we weren't sure if the malicious act had been an accident or planned activity. As we listened to the radio, we learned that not one but both towers had been hit, and the event was being reported as an act of terrorism. We also learned of the destruction at the Pentagon and the loss of life due to a plane crash in a Pennsylvania field. Moments later our teacher found a mobile TV and allowed us to spend the class period watching the news reports of the event.

Shocked and confused, I silently began to pray as we watched the horrific events and listened to the news reports. It was in these moments that I recall for the first time honestly thinking, "Wow! This world really needs to know and understand the love of Jesus." I knew it before, but I understood that need more than ever when I heard that the men who had hijacked these planes had done it because of their "faith." How misled they had been, and how devastating that they died believing this was the way of salvation.

Later in the year, I recall my Spanish teacher telling me during a one-on-one graded Spanish conversation, that if I continued to pursue my studies of the Spanish language, she knew I would go far with it. It was also in this Spanish 1 class that I began to sense God's calling me to minister and teach overseas. At the time, I didn't put all of these things together, but today, as I sit and recall the events of 9/11, I'm in awe of how perfect God's plan is for me, even ten years ago.

It's amazing how far ten years has brought America and myself. I don't generally consider myself a very patriotic person, but I will never forget the events of September 11th, and I will continue to sympathize with the loss of life on that tragic day.

Dios Tiene Un Proposito Para Mi

What an amazing three weeks I have had. If you've kept up with my blog, you can see that I've been very busy. With trips to Cuzco and Huacho, time with the kids in Manchay, and late nights with friends, I've barely been able to catch a break to put my feet up and relax. However, as exhausted as I feel, I would not trade the spectacular time I've had for any amount of sleep I'm lacking.

As type, I'm sitting on a bus headed 18 hours north of Lima to the city of Mancora. I'm excited to have a week to relax on the beach before returnig to the U.S. but I was also very sad to have to once again say good-bye to my dear friends in Lima. My heart is heavy, and my mind isn't sure what to think. It's odd to have already said my good-byes but still be in this great nation for another week. Please continue to pray for me as I take this week to reflect over my time here, pray over God's will for my life, and enjoy the beach with my friend Cassandra (from the United States).

My friends are already asking when I'll be back next year. Some of my friends have even tried to suggest missions organizations or schools where I could come and serve. I shed some tears as I talked with a dear friend the other night about the passions of my heart and the timing of the Lord. He also shared with me the calling he feels towards missions and the Lord's work in his life. I'll miss intimate, spiritual conversations when I return to the States. I'll miss late night walks and the unique scent of this country. Most of all, I will miss the amazing relationships I've built here and the friends who have become like family.

I cannot help but trust that I will be back in the Lord's timing.

Te Amo Peru!!!

Humorous

God has a unique way of always working things out, in His timing of course. 

What a ride my life has been since college graduation. You all know most of the story, so I'll spare you the pain of reading it all once again. For those of you who don't know it goes something like this: semester subbing, semester in Peru teaching, 2 months subbing, 3 month maternity leave, temporary 1-year contract attained 4 days before start of school 2010 school year.

Since the first day of school, I've had it in the back of my mind that this position was only temporary and not to get too settled. However, working with such an amazing grade level partner, I became quite fond of the place God had placed me. I tried numerous times to block out the fact that this was just for one year, but I always failed. So instead, I began to pray that God would open a door for me to stay at this school for years to come (until He takes me back to Peru, of course). It's been a long journey filled with lots of prayer, bumps of frustration, and reminders of peace always leaving me in a fit of uncertainty.

Finally today, good news came. My contract will be renewed as temporary status for yet another year. However, the principal assures me that in the grand scheme of things this will not matter. The reason I am not labeled permanent is to enable the teacher on "leave" to continue receiving benefits until she is old enough to retire. Makes sense I suppose.

What's humorous about that you might ask? If you know me, you know that I like to have a plan. Just last week, I mailed out 10 applications to different schools in hopes of finding someone willing to hire me with one year of official experience under my belt. I've prayed over those applications and asked that God would place me in the right school. God would wait until after I send out applications to reveal to me His plan for next year, just like He waited until 4 days before school started last year and a month before school started (in Peru) the year before. 

Life never happens in my timing, so I don't know why I try to pretend I can control it. 

God always has my back, and never fails to amaze me.

Continued...A Newsletter from Long Ago

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, and with this picture, I believe that to be true.

You see, if the photographer of this picture knew even half of what was going on in my mind on this day in June 2007, on this desolate beach in Peru, she may have set me down, forced me to pour out my emotions, and talked me through my conflicting thoughts. However, she did not know the stirrings of my soul in this moment as she innocently snapped a photo that leaves me speechless every time I run across it. 

As I stood on this beach, nearly 4 years ago, God continued revealing to me a path of life which would take me two more years to fully discover. It was at this place that I began to wonder about a future in Peru, but I still convinced myself it was a crazy dream and not a reality. Nearing the end of a two week mission trip, here I stood marveling at all that God had done in me and through me during this experience. I was a changed person; however, at the time, I didn't realize how changed I truly was.

Words cannot adequately describe the longing, brokenness, and pain that would follow me back to the States. My heart was changed forever, and my passion for Peru grew daily. 

If you've read my blog, you know how the story goes from here.

Needless to say, I am so grateful for this day in June 2007 and this quiet beach that allowed my mind to wander off deep in thought. I'm thankful for the friend who snapped this photo not knowing how meaningful it would later become. But ultimately, I'm in love with the Creator of this beach who never gives up on me even when I try to pass off his voice as my own crazy idea. 

And just in case you're wondering...since this day nearly 4 years ago, I have poured out my conflicting emotions and deepest thoughts to the friend who took the above picture. She is an amazing woman of God and one of many who encouraged me to follow God's call to teach in Peru. 

A Newsletter from Long Ago

Tonight as I was searching for old lesson plans on an animal unit I taught during student teaching, I came across some of my Spanish papers from high school. It was interesting to read articles written by my fellow classmates in Spanish just 6 years ago...to see what they planned to do with their lives compared to what I know of them now. As I read the articles, I was saddened by a few classmates who had big dreams for life after high school graduation but have since chosen the path of partying including drinking and drugs. However, there were also some articles that caused me to smile as what started as a "small" dream has since been handed over to God and formed into a pretty wild ride, changing the world one person at a time.

I was a little nervous to read the article I had written, so I passed it by the first time through and continued to read about my classmates. I was afraid my life would fall short of my dreams, and I didn't want to be a disappointment to myself or my peers. I didn't want to be one of those people my classmates would feel "sad" for as they realized that my life hadn't gone as I planned. However, eventually I was brought back to my article, and I realized I'm not too far off.

In my article I talked of moving to the Dominican Republic to teach children and do ministry. 

Later I wrote that I wanted to travel to other places such as Peru and Spain. 

It's interesting that having never been out of the country at this point in my life, God was already preparing me for the path ahead. While I didn't exactly end up in the D.R. I did end up living in Peru for a short time (and plan to go back). I taught children, and I did ministry with Kids Alive. I LOVED every aspect of it (well, almost everything).

Basically what I'm getting at is that at this time I thought the things I wrote were simply "dreams". I remember our teacher telling us to DREAM BIG and write whatever came to mind. Therefore, I dreamed really big, never imagining those dreams would become reality. God knew what He was doing the whole time...sadly, it took me two trips to Peru and lack of a job to realize that for myself :)

Proverbs 16

¹ We can make our own plans,

      but the Lord gives the right answer.

⁹ We can make our plans,

      but the Lord determines our steps.

 ³³ We may throw the dice,

      but the Lord determines how they fall.

I love the book of Proverbs. There are so many great messages and themes that can be derived from this text. Earlier this week, I was reading chapter 16 for my devotions, and the above verses stuck out to me.

You see, anyone who knows me knows that I almost always have a plan. I'm not as "planned out" as I used to be (Peru changed me a little in that department), but I still do like to think about the future and imagine where I will be in 5 years, 10 years, and 50 years. However, I've learned that no matter how much I plan and imagine, life never turns out just the way I picture it in my mind. My life and my plans have changed drastically since my college graduation just 2 years ago. I never would have imagined then that I would teach overseas; now I am trying to pay off my loans so that I can go back. 

Just last week I was talking to friends about my plans for the future. I was telling them all about the length of time I planned to work here to pay off my loans, and then my plan to return to Peru to teach after that. Ironically, that night, about 2 hours after this conversation, I came across Proverbs 16 during my devotions. To top it off, the next morning I woke up to an email from a friend about my heart's desires and God's heart. This friend spoke of my longing and brokenness for the country of Peru, and how maybe what I think is an appropriate, responsible plan, may not be God's plan at all. 

Each day since returning home last December (2009), I pray about a future in Peru. My desire to be there grows daily, yet I feel confident that God is telling me right now isn't the right time. However, I don't know that He plans to keep me here in the States as long as I have "planned" to stay. These verses just helped to reassure me that God is in control, and that no matter how much I plan, He makes the final decision. 

Restless

And I'm restless, I'm restless
'Til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You
I'm restless, I'm restless
'Til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You
Oh God, I wanna rest in You

The lyrics to this song by Audrey Assad have been stuck in my head all day. My mind, body, and soul are restless. They ache for something more. I feel an emotion I cannot explain welling up within me; the deepest parts of me are restless, unsettled, and fighting for more. More of what? More passion, more fire, more strength, and more action.

When I think about the future I become ecstatic. I can't help but be certain that God has plans for me bigger than anything I could possibly imagine at this point in my life. I desire to be a part of something big, a worldwide movement for Christ. I desire to see children from devastating situations run to the arms of their heavenly Father. I desire to see this world changed for the better, and I want to be a part of it.

Teaching is a wonderful profession in which I am able to stand in my faith and share the light of Christ with my students each day. I don't have to preach at them, I may not be allowed to read my Bible to them, but I can show them Christ simply by the way I live. Just today a student asked me if I was a Christian, and my response was, "Yes, indeed I am." This little boy then went on to say, "I could tell." I know God has placed me in this profession for a purpose, and I will use my talents and knowledge to bring him glory.

However, through my recent prayers and devotions, I am feeling more and more that this is temporary...5 years, 10 years, who knows. I believe God has plans for me outside of the States. I would love nothing more than to open and run an orphanage in South America. Is that God's plan for my life? I have no idea, but at this point, I honestly believe that I will not be here in New Paris, Indiana forever.

I miss the ministries I was invovled with in Peru. I enjoy talking to my friends there and hearing all the wonderful things God is doing in them, their churches, and their ministries. I long to once again be a part of those teams. While I'm here I pray for them, and I support them as much as I can from this distance, but it just isn't the same. I'm already counting down the days to summer vacation and another visit back to my other home. I miss it so much!!

You are my deepest longing, so I see You everywhere.

It's You I'm chasing after cause I am captivated by who You are and how You move.
I'll follow You forever, God, for love of You.

For love of You, I'm a sky on fire.
For love of You, I come alive.
It's Your Sacred Heart within me beating, Your voice within me singing
out for love of You; it's all for You.

Following the Call

Don’t ask what the world needs.

Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it,

because what the world needs is people who have come alive.

~Howard Thurman~

This quote has become a favorite of mine in the past few years. There are so many people in our world that are self focused. They think very little of the needs in the world; rather, they focus solely on themselves and how they can get ahead. Others wander through life as zombies; they simply go through the motions without much ambition or excitement about anything...often holding bitterness inside their hearts.

I have known since a young age that I wanted to work with children. At that time, I had no clue what God would have me do with children, but I knew my life would be devoted to working with them in some way. Years later, I entered college, studied education, and found my passion in life....teaching!!

Just three weeks ago, I was beginning to doubt my call to teaching. I still hadn't found a teaching job in the States, and while I thought this was where God wanted me (for the time being) I was very uncertain. I prayed and prayed, seeking the will of God, yet feeling clueless and empty. My heart longed to be in Peru, but God kept telling me that now was not the time. I didn't understand...why would God keep me in the U.S. and not provide me with a job in which I could use my passion?

Two weeks ago, I had an interview that changed everything. I went into the interview very skeptical...I was up against three other very qualified candidates. I wanted this job more than anything, but I went into the interview and left not knowing what to expect. However, the following day I received a call. Before I answered, I said a quick prayer asking God that I would be accepting of whatever the response on the other end might be. To my surprise, I was offered a job as a third grade teacher in a great school. I was ecstatic!! God was finally giving me the answer I had been diligently praying for for months. I had four days to tear apart, decorate, and put back together a classroom as well as organize curriculum and plan for the first day of school. I was overwhelmed, but the excitement far outweighed the stress I should have been feeling.

In my opinion, I have the best job in the world. I work with an amazing, Godly staff, and my students are kind, loving, and a pleasure to work with. While I'm still a bit overwhelmed by how quickly I've had to pull everything together, I feel alive each morning when I walk into my classroom. I feel happy, excited, and ready to take on any challenge that comes my way (ok...maybe not any, but most of them). I finally have a classroom of my own where I can use a teaching style I prefer.

While my heart's desire is to return to Peru and work in orphanages there, I know that God's plan for my life has me right here, right now. I trust that one day He will lead me back, but it is all a matter of His timing. For the time being, I am a proud 3rd grade teacher at New Paris Elementary, and I couldn't be happier!! Now instead of praying for a job in order to be able to use my passion, I pray daily for my students...I pray that I would be an excellent role model, that my students would see God's love through me, and that I am an effective educator. God is so good!!

Rewarding Experiences

On this gorgeous Saturday afternoon, I find myself not out enjoying the sunshine but rather sitting in a cafe reviewing interview questions and wondering what God's perfect plan for my life is. I'm learning to be content where I am, find God's purposes for me in the here and now, and to take things one day at a time. It's been a year long learning experience with life leading me in multiple different directions, but obviously I'm not done learning. I used to have a plan for my life, and now I have not one idea what my life could look like in a week. God's changed me a lot in the last year, and I am so thankful for his work in my life.

One question I came across today as I review question upon question was, "What has been your most rewarding life experience?" Wow!! To think I'm only 23 years old and I can barely narrow it down to just one helped me to realize just how very blessed I am. However, as I pondered this question and thought deeply about my past, I realized that there is only one obvious answer...my experiences with Kids Alive - Peru.

The first time I went to Peru in 2007, I was very unsure of myself and my reasons for being part of a team of 15 others I hardly knew. Yet, God knew exactly what he was doing. After spending 2 weeks in La Molina and Manchay with these dear children, my life has never been the same. This trip was what got me excited about missions, and ultimately it changed the course of my life. Upon returning to Peru to again work with Kids Alive in 2009, I was amazed that the children still remembered me by name. Not only did they remember me, but they asked me about some of the team members that had come 2 years ago. These kids remember everything, and they made me feel loved and important. However, I had not returned to Peru for a self-esteem boost. I returned to do the work of God and serve the Peruvian people.

This in turn lead to my most rewarding life experience...my 4.5 months of living in Peru. I was stretched and challenged to move beyond my comfort zone. I grew as a person, as a Christian, and as a teacher. God molded me during this time and drastically changed my life from self-centeredness to God-focused. He brought me friends that were more passionate about Christ than anyone I know here in the States (sorry friends). He took my life and taught me firsthand that this life is not my own, but it belongs to the God who created me. He is in charge!

Living in Peru is by far the most rewarding experience of my 23 (almost 24) years of life. It was not easy, but my time there brought me to be the God loving, God fearing woman I now am. I learned to put others before myself, love as God loves, and see the eternal rewards rather than the earthly ones. I would not be who I am or where I am had it not been for this experience.

As badly as I wish to go back and serve in Peru, God has told me now is not the time. I know I'll be back one day. I just have to wait for his timing. He continues to mold me and shape me each day; he's showing me his perfect ways, and I'm continually learning to be obedient to the call he's placed on my life. Slowly things are making a bit more sense, one day at a time.

Control

Anyone who knows me knows that I am a very organized and planned out person. I make plans for my life 5 years down the road, and I live by lists and schedules. In my opinion this has always been a good characteristic to have during school with multiple classes and assignments, but now that that season of life has passed, sometimes I wish I were more spontaneous.

Last semester was a growing experience for me in that way, and I see today why last semester was so crucial to where I'm at now. Being a substitute teacher, you cannot always plan weeks in advance, and very rarely do you know the material you will be teaching before you walk in the door on any given morning. It wasn't always easy, but it taught me to relax and take life one day at a time.

As you know, I'm leaving for Peru in 2 days. A lot of you have asked what will happen after these 4 1/2 months. Will I sign a 2 year contract and return to Peru in mid-February or will I return to the U.S. permanently after this short-term experience? I honestly can't say I know that answer. I have no plans for my life beyond December 19th when the school year ends. Of course, I have things I would like to do in life, but I have no timeline for when those things will happen. I'm not making plans with rigorous timelines anymore; I am now able to leave life open and ask God to show me the way. I'm on this journey with God, and I'm trusting him to lead me and care for me wherever life takes me.



On another note...I'm leaving in 2 days! I'm mostly packed, and I'm praying really hard that my suitcases really are under 50 lbs. Our scales here at home say they are, but they also aren't always consistent. I would really appreciate it if you would pray for me and my family as I say good-bye and begin this next step. Please also pray for safety and easy entrance and exit through security and customs.