A Heart Divided

It's been over a year since my last post.

Last year I didn't send newsletters like I had previously done either.

This year will be different...

One of my goals is to post on this blog once a month and another is to send out a newsletter quarterly. 

But that's not the reason for this post, so let's get to the point.

Recently, I've been asked by a variety of individuals both in the U.S. and here in Peru which place feels more like home. Honestly, I hate that question, and I still haven't been able to give a straight answer. Although, I'm not sure I'll ever be able to give a straight answer.

Merriam-Webster defines home as

• one's place of residence
• the social unit formed by family living together
• a familiar or usual setting
• a place of origin

Taking those meanings into consideration, the first leads me to believe that Peru is home, but the last would imply that Indiana is home. The second and third definitions could be applied to either location.

So what is home? In my opinion a home is what you make it to be. My home in Peru and the life I lead here is much different than my home in Indiana and the life I once lead there or the life I currently lead there during my yearly visits.

As I explained to a friend yesterday, Peru is like my grown-up home. It's where I work, have responsibilities, pay bills, take care of and do life with my husband, etc. But Indiana is my childhood home, my security blanket, my inner peace. When I visit Indiana I get to live in the "past" in some ways. Mom and dad let me stay in their house and take care of me while I'm there, I get to see friends I've known for ages, and overall things really haven't changed much.

Yet, at the same time, Indiana is starting to feel less like home each visit. Knowing that I'll probably never live there again (my husband hates the snow and cold weather), it's becoming more of a refuge to escape the lack of safety and the homesickness I feel in Peru, but in some ways I also feel as if I've begun to disconnect from many of the places and things that were once so near and dear to me.

This return trip to Peru has been the easiest adjustment back to life here I've had yet. Except for avoiding the grocery store for the first five days, I jumped right back into life, filling my schedule with friends, events at the children's home and time with my husband. Today was the first day I've sat home and relaxed since I got back six days ago. 

It's good to be back home, but I miss my other home, too. 

I firmly believe that here on Earth, I'll never again have just one home.

But I do look forward to the day when all my favorite people from both "homes" are with me in our eternal home in heaven. 

And because my heart is divided here on Earth, my heart aches to see my lost friends saved. It's hard to miss them during long (or short) periods of separation, but I can't imagine spending eternity without them.

Stars in the Sky

On my walk from the bus stop after work Thursday, staring up at the dirt mountains around me with the sun shining brightly upon them, I was reminded of how small I am and how great our God is. 

It's been quite an adventure these last few weeks, and my type A personality has been feeling quite overwhelmed and slightly out of control at times. I've been here before, I know how things work, yet, there's always that adjustment phase that one must endure when change occurs. On my walk home this evening, as I was gazing up at the mountains around me, I couldn't help but surrender my will to the Lord. In those moments I realized how much I've been trying to control things, cultural things I'm realizing I need to let go of. At times I've found myself complaining a lot, wishing things were as they were in the States - more hot water pressure in the shower, internet that works in more than just my bedroom, less traffic, missing foods prepared with ingredients at home, more easily accessible materials at school, etc. 

I also find myself struggling relationally more each year. People move on and change, friends come and go, and I never know from year to year who will still be around, who has moved on, or who I've lost commonality with. It's sometimes hard as a relationally focused person to understand why people come and go, but I'm thankful for the few good friends I've kept throughout the years, and I'm blessed by three in particular who have been above and beyond helpful. 

School is going well. I've begun teaching a few classes on my own and co-teaching a few others. Materials aren't widely available here, and my bulletin board space is limited. Charts and workshop style teaching are unheard of, and the mix of PYP with the Peruvian educational requirements makes things much different than what I'm used to in the classroom. I do think I'll have some freedoms in teaching things as I choose to, but it will be a matter or thinking differently in order to follow the program themes and ideas for each term's requirements. 

I've not gotten involved much with the ministry aspect of things yet. I've been to the children's home once, and I met friends from the family care center for dinner earlier this week. I'm still trying to figure out my schedule and routine before I add more to it. I hope to get more involved somehow, whether through translating for ministries or getting involved more at an orphanage or something of the sort. 

Don't get me wrong; I am so glad to be here! I'm enjoying things as they come and taking one day at a time. Of course I miss home, having hot water in all sinks and faucets, and driving myself around rather than depending on buses, but I wouldn't change where I'm at during this phase of life for anything. I'm thankful for the mountains today that were set as my reminder that God is in control, that He knows His plans for me beyond what I can fathom at this point, and He holds me closely in His arms during those moments when I feel alone in this world. 

I heard a song tonight while relaxing and listening to Spotify. Kari Jobe says it so beautifully in her song "Stars in the Sky". She sings: 

The faith in my heart will sing

Of what Your love can do

And even when life weighs heavy on me

I know You're in control

And You're all I need.

 If you'd like to listen to the whole song, I'll leave you with this link for the youtube lyric video. 

Other Random Happenings:

• My first week here I was on a bus that got pulled over by the police for running a red light. After some arguing and what appeared to be a bribe we continued on our journey. Flashbacks of the police entering the bus and demanding to see everyone's ID a few years ago came to mind. This time I was prepared though with my ID unlike a few years back. 
• Last weekend I entered a bus and just a few miles down the road the tire went flat. Thankfully as we exited the bus the cobrador (money taker) gave us our money back, and my friends and I got on another bus to continue our journey. 
• The kids at school don't understand why my hair is different colors since I say I don't "paint" it. Hard for them to believe the sun naturally dyes me hair.
• I'm learning to boil water in a pan to wash dishes, buy groceries just a few things at a time, and cook with ingredients different than what I'd find at home.
• School lunches are so much better than in the States and all of the teachers actually eat it. {Sorry NPE!}
• I miss the Christian atmosphere at Fairfield. It really was something special, but I don't think I realized how special it was until this last week. I am, however, thankful for the few Christian teachers I have met.
• It's about a 5 block walk from my apartment to the bus/taxi pick-up and at least that far from school to the bus stop. I'm getting lots of walking in these last few weeks.
• And last but not least -When given the choice to hang out with Peruvians or Gringos I will choose Peruvians most of the time. {Sorry Gringos!}

Where Will You Spend Eternity?

Can you say with certainty that you will spend eternity in heaven with the Lord? Maybe you aren't sure, or perhaps you don't even believe in eternity. I met a woman on the streets of New York City last weekend who told my friend and me that eternity is where you want it to be. We asked her to explain, and she told us that if you prefer a quiet place then your eternity will be quiet, if you like a busy place then your eternity will be busy, and if you like loud places then your eternity will be in a loud place. It was an interesting thought, a disappointing conversation, and another reminder that there are lost and dying people all around me.

I'm here to tell you that ETERNITY IS REAL, and your eternity will be spent in one of two places: HEAVEN or HELL. It's really that simple.

You can choose to believe that Jesus Christ is Lord, that He died on a cross and rose again three days later to save the world from sin and destruction. As promised by God, He will return for His people at which time all who have confessed with their lips and believe in their hearts that Jesus is Lord will be raised into heaven to spend eternity with God.

OR

You can choose to reject God, to continue living in sin without remorse, and neglect the emptiness inside. You can choose to ignore the evidence that there is a God demonstrated to us by the rising sun, the changing of the seasons, and the unique ways in which things come to be or happen on a regular basis. You can make the choice to deny that God loves you and that He wants an intimate relationship with you. If you make these choices, your eternity will be spent in the eternally burning fire of Hell.

Last weekend as I walked the streets of NYC and Philadelphia, I was torn apart by the quiet reminders that this world is full of sin, ignorance, and broken people. From our conversation with the woman mentioned above, to the obvious signs of sin surrounding us, I began to realize the need even in my own country - a very deep need. Overseas missions are great, but there is ministry to be done here and now before it's too late. 

I am a broken person, and my life, too, is filled with sin. However, I have made the choice to put my faith in the one and only risen Lord, and I trust Him that He has forgiven my failures. Because of this, I know my eternity is in heaven. 

What choice will you make? Where will your eternity be?

My God is a God of SECOND CHANCES!! I love the lyrics to this song by Rend Collective Experiment. Take a listen if you will. I've posted the lyrics below.

Second Chance

My future hangs on this

You make preciousness from dust

Please don't stop creating me

Your blood offers the chance

To rewind to innocence

Reborn, perfect as a child

CHORUS:

Oh Your cross, it changes everything

There my world begins again with You

Oh Your cross, it's where my hope restarts

A second chance is Heaven's heart

When sin and ugliness

Collide with redemption's kiss

Beauty awakens by romance

Always inside this mess

I have found forgiveness

Mercy as infinite as You

(Chorus)

BRIDGE:

Countless second chances

We've been given at the cross

Countless second chances

We've been given at the cross

Fragments of brokenness

Salvaged by the art of grace

You craft life from our mistakes

Black skies of my regrets

Outshone by this kindness

New life dawns over my soul

(Chorus)

(Chorus)

(Bridge)

*Shout out to those of you reading from Russia. I've seen your country pop up many times on my reader's list. Leave a comment if you will. Love and Blessings!*

I Listen to Music and Think Too Much

Sometimes in the evenings when everything is put away, after dinner is made, eaten, and cleaned up, and school work is done, I prefer not to watch the brain draining television, but to listen to music and relax. Some nights relaxation comes in the form of lying on my couch with a blanket reading a book, other nights it includes chats with friends in other parts of the world, and still on evenings like this one, I find myself just lying here; no book to read, to friends online to chat with, and no desire to do much of anything but exist and absorb the goodness of peace and quiet all while resting in the arms of my Savior.

As I lie here, the songs that are randomly playing on Pandora could not be more perfect; each one matching a current situation I am facing myself or walking through with a friend. I am overwhelmed by God's goodness, His mercy, and His perfect plan for my life and the lives of my friends. As I rest in His arms, I can't help but smile knowing that no matter what joys and trials experienced here on Earth, they are minuscule in comparison to the greatness of my God and the amazingness of my eternal home in heaven.


As "Even If" by Kutless played a while ago on the radio I couldn't help but think about JP (Juan Pedro) and the predicament he still finds himself in. He's been to doctor upon doctor, one specialist after another, yet still there has been no cure that can be done in Peru aside from prescribing more medicines which sustain his current health without really fixing anything. Last week my church was able to send $2000 to him, which was raised through the Martin's Coupon fundraiser and a night of prayer and praise benefit done at my church. We don't know what the next step is for JP. He has one doctor left in Peru that may be able to help, and if not his only other option would be to travel abroad to seek more advanced medical attention. "Even if the healing doesn't come, and life falls apart, and dreams are still undone, You are God You are good, Forever faithful One." Even if physical healing doesn't come to JP's body, we can rest in the fact that God is still God and He is faithful. His plan for JP's life is bigger than anything we as humans can comprehend.

A few songs later, I was overcome with joy, memories, and stress as I listened to "Este es mi Ano" by Tercer Cielo. This song was my theme song beginning 2012. However, the way I interpreted the song wasn't at all how my year turned out to be. In a lot of ways, this was my year. The Lord has worked overtime in my life, and I have grown so much in my faith this year. My trip to Peru was very different than any trip I'd ever taken, and I discovered a new kind of passion for missions and translating. Add to that a very different classroom dynamic this year which has been a blessing considering it's my last year at NPE (for a while), and I would say this has been a pretty amazing year. As the song translates, "This year will bring better things for me, and I am ready to live with passion and without fear. I will live an intense year because I will go in search of my dreams." In reality, I did live a very different kind of year with this song frequently playing in the back of my mind. However, rather than searching out my dream (of moving to Peru) I let it go. I taught myself to be content in the place the Lord has placed me, and for the first time in a long time, I have truly enjoyed living in the USA. Yet, just when I found my complacency here, the Lord opened the door to my dreams in a way I never would have imagined. I am thrilled to be moving to Peru in August of 2013!

Lastly, I was overcome by the song "You Are" by Colton Dixon. I've heard this song quite a few times on the radio in recent weeks; however, tonight it truly captured my attention like never before. " If I had no voice, if I had no tongue, I would dance for you like the rising sun. And when that day comes and I see your face, I will shout your endless glorious praise. You are the song I'm singing. You are the air I'm breathing." I pray that this song would be my lifestyle. I desire nothing more than to live like a fool for my Savior no matter who is watching. I want the Lord to be the song in my heart, the bounce in my step, and the joy of my smile. He is mine, and I am His and that is all that matters on this Earth.

Those are just a few of the songs that have captured my attention tonight. It seems as if every song that plays touches my heart. I'm feeling all warm and fuzzy inside, despite my freezing fingers and toes (because I refuse to turn my heat above 62 or it runs all the time).

I'll leave you with just a few more lyrics that just came on the radio. 

The fullness of Your grace is here with me

The richness of Your beauty's all I see

The brightness of Your glory has arrived

In Your presence God, I'm completely satisfied

For You I sing I dance

Rejoice in this divine romance

Lift my heart and my hands

To show my love, to show my love

A deep deep flood, an Ocean flows from You

Of deep deep love, yeah it's filling up the room

Your innocent blood, has washed my guilty life

In Your presence God I'm completely satisfied

Live Like That

~Psalm 139:13-14, 16-18~

For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well...

Your eyes saw my unformed body;

all the days ordained for me were written in your book

before one of them came to be.

How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
How vast is the sum of them!

Were I to count them,

they would outnumber the grains of sand--

~Psalm 23:6~

Surely your {His} goodness and love will follow me

all the days of my life,

and I will dwell in the house of the LORD

forever.

Just as the water washes away the footprints in the sand, so are our days, limited in existence. However, the impact of those days is to be determined by the choices made and love shared. God has already ordained the number of our days (Ps. 139:16). He, too, knows the decisions we will make, even before we make them. He's knows when we will give in to him, and he knows when our sinful nature will take control. However, despite my successes and failures, His goodness and love abound in me. 

I've taken extreme liking to the Sidewalk Prophets's song "Live Like That". There's a few stanzas of the song that really capture my attention and make me think twice about the way Christ is perceived (or not perceived) through my life. 

Was I love 

When no one else would show up? 

Was I Jesus to the least of those?

Was my worship more than just a song? 

I want to live like that 

And give it all I have 

So that everything I say and do 

Points to You 

Am I proof 

That You are who you say You are 

That grace can really change a heart?

Do I live like Your love is true? 

People pass 

And even if they don't know my name 

Is there evidence that I've been changed? 

When they see me, do they see You?

My prayer tonight is that when the water washes the footprints of my life away, my legacy will live on as a follower of Christ. More than that, I pray that each person I come into contact with while on this Earth would know beyond a shadow of a doubt that Jesus Christ has saved me and that He can save them, too. I desire that my life be a mirror image of the goodness and mercy of the Lord. I desire to live life in gratitude for all that Christ has done for me.

We Are {the Light of the World}

We Are by Kari Jobe

So wake up sleeper, lift your head

We were meant for more than this

Fight the shadows conquer death

Make the most of the time we have left

We are the light of the world

We are the city on a hill

We are the light of the world

We gotta, we gotta, we gotta let the light shine

We are called to the spread the news

Tell the world the simple truth

Jesus came to save, there’s freedom in His Name

So let His love break through

I've been playing this song on repeat in my car recently, and today I was very excited when we sang it in church. God has been reminding me {a lot} recently, that no matter where I am, it is my responsibility is to spread his light. My mission is to be his hands and feet. He's been showing me that I can do ministry here in the U.S. through my job, at the grocery store, and even through conversations with friends. 

A few days ago, a friend asked me at what point I began to come out of my 'shell' and not be so shy. I had to think about it a bit, and I responded by telling her that during college I was forced to open up more due to roles I played in leadership and in various schools where I was placed for practicums. I couldn't pinpoint an exact time of change, but rather circumstances that changed me little by little.

I've been pondering this question over the last few days, and I've drawn a few conclusions of my own. You see, I've been a Christian for as long as I can remember. My parents took me to church most Sundays during my childhood, and I remember I was baptized at the ripe age of 9 on my father's birthday. Even though I was told that I had been saved from my sin and had Jesus 'living in my heart' (as if He hadn't forgiven me or been with me before this point), I never truly quit living for myself. I prayed and I read my Bible, but I still lived to do what I wanted to do, facing the struggles of most teenage girls in the areas of worldly pressures from friends and my desire to fit in. While I faithfully attended church and youth group, my personal relationship with Christ was typically forgotten about 6 out of 7 days a week. 

It wasn't until college when I had to go to church without my parents that my faith really began to take a turn for the better. After being in a few ministry roles and a mission trip, I began to really understand what it meant to have Christ living in me. I develop a yearning I had never felt before. I had a stronger desire to please Him, to spread the gospel, and to show his love to others. This desire was so strong, I sometimes stayed awake at night feeling as if I'd failed Him on that particular day. It was this realization of what truly living for Christ meant that I believe has transformed me from the shy, quiet girl I used to be into the confident, outgoing lady I have become.

No longer do I fear what others think of me if I mention Christ in conversation or get overly excited about a new Christian worship song I've fallen in love with. I don't worry {as much} about where my future will take me, because I have learned that as long as I'm serving the Lord, it doesn't matter where I am physically. I have discovered the joy of the Lord, and I have allowed him to fill me with peace. This joy and peace Christ has given me have changed me. It is only by the grace of God that I no longer live in fear of the world, for I know that with Christ by my side, nothing in this world matters.

The song above says it perfectly, "WE ARE THE LIGHT OF THE WORLD!" If we don't get out there and spread the saving word of the Lord, who will do it for us. There are people in my life, that I may be the only person to ever show them Jesus. I would hate for them to die without ever having had the opportunity to experience Christ's saving grace. I will make the most of the time I have left, for no man knows when his final breath may be. 

Whether I remain here in the U.S. or return to Peru {or another nation} I will take the challenge and be a light in this world. 

Let me leave you with a verse fro Matthew 5:14-16 ~ 

14~ You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden.
15~ Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.
16~ In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in Heaven.

Dios Nunca Fallara {God Will Never Fail}

It's been quite the...weekend, week, month. Life has been moving at a fast pace, and last night as I drove home from my dear friend's wedding, it seemed it all started catching up with me. I didn't even realize my mind was lost in deep thought (or rather worship as I sang to the praise music shuffled through on my phone). As I drove and belted out the lyrics to some of my favorite songs, tears flooded my eyes. Before I knew it, I was nearly bawling, and I wasn't even sure why. The wedding was beautiful and tons of fun...that couldn't possibly be the cause for my tears. Or was it??

As I listened to "Always" by Kristian Stanfill followed by Nunca Fallara by Hillsong United-Spanish, I realized that God was speaking directly to me, and it was not coincidence that these two songs played back to back. I reflected upon the wedding, and the union of my dear friend Anna to her husband Joel, and I must say I was overcome with joy. God could not have picked a better person for Anna, and her testimony is amazing and overwhelming. God has brought her soooo far in the last 6 months, and I am so thankful that through out Tuesday night dinner dates, I have been able to be with her through these major life changes. Proverbs 22:6 - Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it. {Anna and Joel are great reminders of God's faithfulness to parental upbringing and steadfast, persistent prayers.} Joel has been a great encourager and partner for her through trials and joys, and I'm so excited she has someone so great to spend the rest of her life with. I cried tears of joy for Anna and Joel. 



However, these tears of joy weren't all that was flowing from my eyes. I realized, I was pondering my life and where I'm at spiritually, mentally, and physically. I began to wonder, what is God's plan for my life? When is He going to reveal my 'love story' to me? When will I find love like Anna and Joel have found? That's when I began to really ponder the lyrics I was singing along to. 

Oh, my God, He will not delay
My refuge and strength always
I will not fear, His promise is true
My God will come through always, always.

-----


Dios nunca fallará
Por siempre y siempre
{God will never fail forever and ever}

It was like God was speaking directly to me, and only me, as I drove down the dark, empty road home. He clearly spoke, "I am with you always, today, tomorrow, and forever. I have a plan for your life, and I will not let you down. Trust in me, and I will continue to lead you one step at a time, day by day." Those audible words broke me...heart, body, and soul. I believe God has bigger plans for me, but I often worry I'm missing something. I often worry I'm stagnant here, not following God's greater call for me. But it seems that whenever I get in this rut, God is right there to tell me, "You are right where I want you, for such a time as this." I trust that God is using this time to develop me into the woman he desires and needs me to be. It's a great feeling to be affirmed by the Holy Spirit that you are in the will of God, and he is using you right where you are. I mean, if I weren't here in Indiana, I may not have had the honor of being a part of Anna and Joel's special day.

Thank you, Lord. I l<3ve you!!

*Endnote*

As I lay my head to rest last evening, I received news that my dear friend, Liz, had gotten engaged, and another very special friend sent me a message to say she'd received her very first kiss from the man she plans to marry. I'm happy for them, I really am, but it was too much for one day! <3

Value of the Cross

A few days back I made a trip to the bank with a friend to exchange some of my American dollars to Peruvian soles. I used to enjoy this. I used to like watching my money triple right before my very eyes. However, anymore, it's a depressing adventure. You see, my first trip to Peru in 2007, one dollar earned me nearly three soles (2.98 I believe). That means for every $100 I would turn in, I'd get 298 soles back. In 2009, I remember turning in my dollars from school and receiving an exchange rate of 2.94 or something close to that. However, fast forward to present day, and my same $100 earns me a mere 273 soles. It's slightly depressing.

As numbers and figures floated around in my head, my mind shifted to Christ and His unchanging, unfailing love. I must admit that recently, while I've been in church quite a bit and I have been involved in ministry in various forms, my personal devotions are lacking. Of course I do them, but I've been selfish with my time and I've been selfish with my prayers. I'm not giving God all of me during my time of devotions. I'm giving Him only the parts I want to give Him, and I'm trying to control everything else. 

Last evening at church we had communion and an amazing time of alabanzas (singing and worship). As we sang the song Hosanna by Hillsong United, it was all I could do to hold my tears back as the room roared with people in love with the Lord, worshiping Him with their entire being. As we sang:

Heal my heart and make it clean 
Open up my eyes to the things unseen 
Show me how to love like You have loved me 
Break my heart for what breaks Yours 
Everything I am for Your Kingdom's cause 
As I walk from earth into eternity 

I was broken. It's a strong prayer, and it's a prayer I spoke with everything in me last evening. My heart needs to be cleaned. I have been living selfishly rather than for His Kingdom. I spent some time in prayer, and I could literally feel the embrace of the Lord surround me, and I felt the heaviness lifted from my shoulders. I was light as a feather in the arms of my Savior, and I felt great. At that moment, there was no where else I'd rather be than right there loving on Jesus Christ. It amazes me that even when I neglect Him or only half trust Him, He still loves me the same. I breaks my heart that too often I don't give Him all of me, because when I do, life is so much better!

Unlike the value of the dollar, Christ's love never changes. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. (Hebrews 13:8). 

This is probably my favorite song currently. 

I can't quit listening to it and thinking about how much it applies 

to what I feel in my heart right now.

Here are the lyrics with some of my favorite parts highlighted.

There's a little flame inside us all
Some shine bright
Some shine small
The rains will come
And the waters rise
But don't you ever lose your light

In this life you will know
Love and pain
Joy and sorrow
So when it hurts
When times get hard
Don't forget whose child you are

This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine
This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine
Gonna let it shine

May you live each day
With no regret
Make the most of every chance you get
Let your eyes get wide
When you look at the stars
With the same sense of wonder as a child's heart

With the ones you love-
Treasure the time
And for those who are gone
Keep the memories alive

Hold on to your dreams
Don't you ever let go
There's a fire inside you
Burning with hope

This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine
This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine
Gonna let it shine

There will be days when you wanna give up
When the clouds settle in
But after the rain comes the sun
Don't you ever forget
Don't forget
Don't, don't forget

One day there will be no more pain
And we will finally see Jesus' face
So until then I'm gonna try
To brave the dark
And let my little light shine

This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine
This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine
Gonna let it shine

This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine
This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine
Gonna let it shine
Oh, shine
Gonna let it shine
There's a little light inside us all

Christ is Risen

I can honestly say I haven't been much of a Christian music junkie since junior high or even elementary school. Of course, I listen to it off and on, and during college I found a few bands in which I took particular interest, but to turn on the radio and listen to a Christian radio station...that just isn't me. Or maybe I should say wasn't me. Something changed in my life this year. God began to call me out on areas of my life that needed work. One of those things being the music I listen to day in and day out.

For the month of February I challenged myself to only listen to Christian music (when I was in charge of the radio dial or music selection). Though I fought many temptations to turn to a secular song selection during those 28 days, I was amazed at my transformed attitude and view of life throughout each day. Rather than humming pointless tunes, and often times less than wholesome lyrics, my mind was filled each day with promises and reminders of how great God is. February came and went, and I decided to continue this challenge through March adding in one day a week when I could choose any music I wanted.

As Easter approached, I was amazed at how many songs spoke of the sacrifice Christ suffered for our atonement. I have fallen in love with these songs and the reminder they give. I've cried to a few of them, and I've shared lyrics with struggling friends. I've even used them as witnessing tools to explain the gift God freely gave us. Here's a few of my favorites that played on repeat today.

Glorious Day (Casting Crowns)

Christ is Risen (Matt Maher)

I Will Rise (Chris Tomlin)

Christ is risen from the dead. It is a glorious day, and because of his sacrifice we should rise and proclaim HIS name among the nations.

HE LIVES and HE LOVES!! 

Now April is nearly over, and I can honestly say, 95% of the time, I choose Christian music on my own without giving it a second thought.

How Great is Our God

My class has recently begun doing research for a nonfiction writing assignment. Each child was permitted to choose a topic of interest from our science and social studies lessons this year. They were then to take what we had learned already and develop it to another level of understanding through questioning and research. One of my students chose to research the sun, and one question she asked was, "Does the sun make sound?" First of all, I was surprised that a third grader had thought of such a question, and then I got really excited to share some of my knowledge with this child and the rest of the class.

You see, at the beginning of the month I attended a Louie Giglio (I just love his name!) event in Ft. Wayne. I haven't stopped thinking of his message and God's splendor since that night. Louie spoke about the universe praising God, and he shared clips of the universe and noises that surround us, noises that God created to praise Him. He shared Psalm 150 which begins with, "Praise the Lord". This chapter also ends by declaring, "Praise the Lord." Louie Giglio went on to share various objects in space (the sun, stars, pulsars, etc.) and zoomed in on their sounds for all to hear. I had never even considered that such objects would dare make a sound. What a concept! Next, Mr. Giglio moved on to items on earth (whales, wind, etc.). Finally, he spoke about how all creation cries out to God, but somehow humanity, one of God's most prized creations has failed to seriously praise him. We praise him shyly (if at all), and give him hardly the credit that He deserves. Our praise has become less than joyful; most of the time it is simply noise in God's ear as we sing with still faces in a routine-like fashion.

To close out the message, Louie put all of the sounds he had shared together in one glorious blend of praise. He allowed them to play and as the crowd fell to complete silence, Chris Tomlin faded in playing How Great is Our God. The blend of the sounds was incredible. Tears flooded my eyes as I realized how "in tune" creation was with Christ, yet how "out of tune" humanity seems to be. It breaks my heart to ponder the complacency of today's church. I want to be part of the change the church needs. I hope my praise to God is not simply noise to His ears.

Now back to the top...
It was because of this night with Louie Giglio that I knew that the sun makes sound as it burns. I was able to share the noise of the sun with my students, and we discussed other objects in the universe that make sound. I had a great time with my class listening to sounds of the universe for about 10 minutes. They were amazed, and I was filled with joy as one child asked, "Miss O'Connor, how is that even possible?" My answer: "God can do all things. He created the universe, and he made the sound to give him something to listen to." My students sat in silence for a moment before one child shouted out, "That's so cool!!" My heart immediately smiled :)


I haven't been able to find any youtube videos from the specific night I attended this fantastic event, but I found a similar version of the first part of the sermon. Listen if you wish.

Mi Dios Es Tan Grande

Talk about spiritual warfare. If it isn't something personal to me being attacked, it is someone close to me. It seems as if one thing comes after another, and it is making me sick to my stomach. I pray that it will end, but then again...no one ever said being a Christian was easy. If anyone understands that, the Apostle Paul knew it full well.

In the last month multiple friends have come to me with prayer needs for wrong choices and/or injustice. Add to that the sickness and physical pain of those around us, and it becomes obvious that this world we live in is a dark, nasty place.

I am learning more and more about the Bible and it's truth each day. As I currently study 1 Corinthians, Galatians, John, and Proverbs (all for different purposes), I am seeing similar themes of salvation and living a Christian life. I find hope and encouragement. I find peace that only a living Savior can provide. I am learning now more than ever what it means to cling to the cross, carry every need before our Creator, and to depend on him for wisdom, strength, and healing.

Paul's life is a perfect example of strength and perserverance even in the most difficult circumstances. He was imprisoned multiple times for preaching the gospel, yet he never gave up. He was blunt, honest, and personal with those around him wanting nothing more than to see people saved. God gave him huge responsibilities because God knew that Paul could handle it. 1st Corinthians 10:13 says, "No temptation  has seized you except that which is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." Paul never gave up when things got tough.

I am thankful for Paul's example. I am grateful to God that he is big and mighty. Like the Spanish song says, "Mi Dios es tan grande, tan fuerte, poderoso. No hay nada q no pueda hacer." I pray that even in the tough situations and the moments of spiritual warfare that I never forget the God of the universe who loves me enough to care about me, an insignificant human being living on this earth with 6 billion plus other human beings. I pray that through conversations and mentoring relationships that I would have the words of God to speak to others that would reveal to them the love of Christ and the power of his resurrection. I pray the I not give up in the tough times and that I would perservere to the end.

God is in control, and I will not let Satan defeat me!

Restless

And I'm restless, I'm restless
'Til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You
I'm restless, I'm restless
'Til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You
Oh God, I wanna rest in You

The lyrics to this song by Audrey Assad have been stuck in my head all day. My mind, body, and soul are restless. They ache for something more. I feel an emotion I cannot explain welling up within me; the deepest parts of me are restless, unsettled, and fighting for more. More of what? More passion, more fire, more strength, and more action.

When I think about the future I become ecstatic. I can't help but be certain that God has plans for me bigger than anything I could possibly imagine at this point in my life. I desire to be a part of something big, a worldwide movement for Christ. I desire to see children from devastating situations run to the arms of their heavenly Father. I desire to see this world changed for the better, and I want to be a part of it.

Teaching is a wonderful profession in which I am able to stand in my faith and share the light of Christ with my students each day. I don't have to preach at them, I may not be allowed to read my Bible to them, but I can show them Christ simply by the way I live. Just today a student asked me if I was a Christian, and my response was, "Yes, indeed I am." This little boy then went on to say, "I could tell." I know God has placed me in this profession for a purpose, and I will use my talents and knowledge to bring him glory.

However, through my recent prayers and devotions, I am feeling more and more that this is temporary...5 years, 10 years, who knows. I believe God has plans for me outside of the States. I would love nothing more than to open and run an orphanage in South America. Is that God's plan for my life? I have no idea, but at this point, I honestly believe that I will not be here in New Paris, Indiana forever.

I miss the ministries I was invovled with in Peru. I enjoy talking to my friends there and hearing all the wonderful things God is doing in them, their churches, and their ministries. I long to once again be a part of those teams. While I'm here I pray for them, and I support them as much as I can from this distance, but it just isn't the same. I'm already counting down the days to summer vacation and another visit back to my other home. I miss it so much!!

You are my deepest longing, so I see You everywhere.

It's You I'm chasing after cause I am captivated by who You are and how You move.
I'll follow You forever, God, for love of You.

For love of You, I'm a sky on fire.
For love of You, I come alive.
It's Your Sacred Heart within me beating, Your voice within me singing
out for love of You; it's all for You.