This is probably my favorite song currently. 

I can't quit listening to it and thinking about how much it applies 

to what I feel in my heart right now.

Here are the lyrics with some of my favorite parts highlighted.

There's a little flame inside us all
Some shine bright
Some shine small
The rains will come
And the waters rise
But don't you ever lose your light

In this life you will know
Love and pain
Joy and sorrow
So when it hurts
When times get hard
Don't forget whose child you are

This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine
This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine
Gonna let it shine

May you live each day
With no regret
Make the most of every chance you get
Let your eyes get wide
When you look at the stars
With the same sense of wonder as a child's heart

With the ones you love-
Treasure the time
And for those who are gone
Keep the memories alive

Hold on to your dreams
Don't you ever let go
There's a fire inside you
Burning with hope

This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine
This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine
Gonna let it shine

There will be days when you wanna give up
When the clouds settle in
But after the rain comes the sun
Don't you ever forget
Don't forget
Don't, don't forget

One day there will be no more pain
And we will finally see Jesus' face
So until then I'm gonna try
To brave the dark
And let my little light shine

This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine
This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine
Gonna let it shine

This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine
This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine
Gonna let it shine
Oh, shine
Gonna let it shine
There's a little light inside us all

Filled & Wanting More

My life is filled with blessings.

My mind is set at ease.

Yet, I find my heart heavy.

And I'm falling to my knees.

Jesus, I need more of you!

I cannot do this on my own.

Each day I'm reminded of Peru,

It is my other home. 

I have nothing to complain about. My life is wonderful, and I am blessed beyond what I deserve. Yet, tonight I find myself with a broken heart wishing I could be there (Peru) serving the people who became like family. An 8-year old girl was killed outside one of the main ministries I helped with in Peru, my church there has been robbed twice in the last month, and another friend emailed me seeking prayer as he's become involved in drugs (again). This news breaks my heart. I feel so helpless here wishing there was more I could do there. 

There are good things happening in Peru, too. A dear friend of mine recently went on his first official mission trip to an area in southern Peru. Reading about his experiences reminds me of my own past feelings and accomplishments from missions experiences. I have been a part of ministry from afar as I witness my friends reaching out to others and expanding the kingdom of Christ through the group Hearts United. I have seen my friends' faith expand and their knowledge of Christ deepen as they are forced daily to stand for Christ and say no to temptations. 

I'm enjoying my life here. God has provided for me in ways I never imagined possible. I know that for this time, I am right where God wants me to be. Yet, not a day goes by that I don't ask God to take me back to Peru. I know this day will come, however, I'm just not sure when. 

Humorous

God has a unique way of always working things out, in His timing of course. 

What a ride my life has been since college graduation. You all know most of the story, so I'll spare you the pain of reading it all once again. For those of you who don't know it goes something like this: semester subbing, semester in Peru teaching, 2 months subbing, 3 month maternity leave, temporary 1-year contract attained 4 days before start of school 2010 school year.

Since the first day of school, I've had it in the back of my mind that this position was only temporary and not to get too settled. However, working with such an amazing grade level partner, I became quite fond of the place God had placed me. I tried numerous times to block out the fact that this was just for one year, but I always failed. So instead, I began to pray that God would open a door for me to stay at this school for years to come (until He takes me back to Peru, of course). It's been a long journey filled with lots of prayer, bumps of frustration, and reminders of peace always leaving me in a fit of uncertainty.

Finally today, good news came. My contract will be renewed as temporary status for yet another year. However, the principal assures me that in the grand scheme of things this will not matter. The reason I am not labeled permanent is to enable the teacher on "leave" to continue receiving benefits until she is old enough to retire. Makes sense I suppose.

What's humorous about that you might ask? If you know me, you know that I like to have a plan. Just last week, I mailed out 10 applications to different schools in hopes of finding someone willing to hire me with one year of official experience under my belt. I've prayed over those applications and asked that God would place me in the right school. God would wait until after I send out applications to reveal to me His plan for next year, just like He waited until 4 days before school started last year and a month before school started (in Peru) the year before. 

Life never happens in my timing, so I don't know why I try to pretend I can control it. 

God always has my back, and never fails to amaze me.

Christ is Risen

I can honestly say I haven't been much of a Christian music junkie since junior high or even elementary school. Of course, I listen to it off and on, and during college I found a few bands in which I took particular interest, but to turn on the radio and listen to a Christian radio station...that just isn't me. Or maybe I should say wasn't me. Something changed in my life this year. God began to call me out on areas of my life that needed work. One of those things being the music I listen to day in and day out.

For the month of February I challenged myself to only listen to Christian music (when I was in charge of the radio dial or music selection). Though I fought many temptations to turn to a secular song selection during those 28 days, I was amazed at my transformed attitude and view of life throughout each day. Rather than humming pointless tunes, and often times less than wholesome lyrics, my mind was filled each day with promises and reminders of how great God is. February came and went, and I decided to continue this challenge through March adding in one day a week when I could choose any music I wanted.

As Easter approached, I was amazed at how many songs spoke of the sacrifice Christ suffered for our atonement. I have fallen in love with these songs and the reminder they give. I've cried to a few of them, and I've shared lyrics with struggling friends. I've even used them as witnessing tools to explain the gift God freely gave us. Here's a few of my favorites that played on repeat today.

Glorious Day (Casting Crowns)

Christ is Risen (Matt Maher)

I Will Rise (Chris Tomlin)

Christ is risen from the dead. It is a glorious day, and because of his sacrifice we should rise and proclaim HIS name among the nations.

HE LIVES and HE LOVES!! 

Now April is nearly over, and I can honestly say, 95% of the time, I choose Christian music on my own without giving it a second thought.

God is so Good!!

Many times recently I've been put in my place and forced to give thanks to God for the blessings He has poured out on my life. For far too long I had become complacent in my faith. I continued my church attendance (when I'm in town on the weekend), read my Bible (if I didn't fall asleep at night first), and I'd say a prayer here or there as it was convenient. For so long, things have been going well for me, and I seemed to "forget" that I still needed to build and develop my relationship with Christ.

Through multiple situations recently, I've been reminded of my need for Jesus in my life, and my life that was going okay has gotten so much better! Jesus doesn't need me to accept Him as my Savior; rather the opposite is true, and I should be grateful that He ACCEPTS me. I am so thankful that even when I become complacent, God never leaves my side, and He never gives up on me. Even when I don't think I need Him, He is there watching out for me.

Let me share with you just a few of the praises God has given me in just the last month.

• Money/job for the summer: You see, I had been praying about traveling to Peru for the month of July for a while, but I never dreamed it would be a reality. Not knowing, yet, whether or not I will have a teaching job next year, the responsible side of me felt that I should stay in the States and work for the summer. However, God kept saying, "Go to Peru." I tried to pass it off as a crazy idea, but when the director of LYNC (the summer program I work for) was able to negotiate a salary comparable to what I make in a normal summer working full-time, I knew it was God preparing the path for my return to Peru.
• A traffic warning vs a ticket: A few weeks ago I was pulled over by a state police for going 12 over (57 in a 45 m.p.h. zone). I knew for sure I was toast. As I gave the officer my license and registration, I panicked thinking the price of a ticket may interfere with my ability to buy a ticket to return to Peru. I prayed that the cost for a speeding ticket would not interfere with this, and when the officer returned, he let me off with a warning. I was shocked and so thankful to Jesus for yet again preparing the path for my return to Peru.
• Cheap flight ticket: I've been watching flight prices since January waiting for the price to drop. Unfortunately, the rise in gas prices has caused major inflation in the airline industry. When I saw that the cheapest tickets were still over $1000, I was once again unsure whether returning to Peru was the right thing to do. Then one night I came across a website that sells cheaper tickets to "youth" 25 years of age and younger. I found a round-trip flight for $665...only $17 more than what I paid last year. I knew this was a God thing. I prayed about Peru for another week, and later bought my ticket certain that God had again prepared the path before me. (I just checked flight prices again out of curiosity...they are up $100 from just last Saturday.)

These are only a few things God has done in the last month that have drawn me back to Him. While I never technically "walked away" my relationship with Him was lacking. However, He never left my side, and He continued to pour into my life revealing His plan for me one day at a time. While I'm still unsure what my life will bring come August, I know that God is in control, and He is preparing the way. I am in complete awe of my Father in Heaven, and I am falling more in love with Him each moment. 

GOD IS SO GOOD!!!