Monday, August 31, 2015

Following the Ebb & Flow of Life

No matter how much time I spend in this country, how emerged I become with the culture, or how fluent I become in the language I don't think I'll ever feel fully acclimated to life here. Don't get me wrong, I love Peru and its people, the culture and its rich history, and that fact that I found my husband here. But on the other hand, I don't like that I have to be cautious and think about what I'm carrying with me every time I leave the house. I don't like being watched and cat-called by men on the street, and I don't like grocery shopping or worrying about how I will carry all of the groceries to my doorstep on my own.

Life has its way of changing. Throughout high school and college I dreamed of living abroad, teaching students in a multicultural setting, and becoming fluent in Spanish as I managed my way around an unknown city made up of primarily Spanish speakers. I was full of hopes and dreams, wondering where life would take me. Not to say I don't still hope and dream, but my thought patterns have changed.

I've come to believe that I've fulfilled my dream of living abroad, teaching, and learning the language, and now I'm ready to move back home. However, God doesn't seem to think I'm done here yet. My plan was never to marry a local, stay beyond my 2.5 year contract, or become part of a family made up of over 100 members, but God's plan was different. And at the same time, I wouldn't trade any of it for anything.

As I look back on my blogs from trips to Peru and my first months officially living here, I realize I will never be that exact same version of myself again. My experience here in Peru has change me, it has changed my view of the world, it's altered my ideas and perspectives of rich and poor, and it's given me new thoughts and opinions about how to help those in need and educate those who have everything.

The longer I spend here working among the wealthy and volunteering among those in poverty, I realize that neither group is better off than the other. The joy that flows from the faces of the children at the children's home is often the highlight of my week. Then the lack of enthusiasm I witness from students each day at school makes my heart sad for them. Kids that have so much but appreciate so little vs children who have little and appreciate even the smallest gesture of love.

I'm not sure what the next phase of life holds. My current hopes and dreams are to move to the States within a day's drive from my family, buy a house, and begin our family - The Gutierrez family. But I know that's not what God has in store for Javier and me at this moment in time. Right now we feel called to invest in the children at the children's home, care for his grandmother, and live a simple "American" life here in Peru. <American because our life is anything but a simple Peruvian life, yet we aren't among the wealthy of the country either.>

For now, it's just my husband and I embarking on this journey together and praying that the Lord leads us in the way that we should go. We're trusting God to show us His divine plan for us as husband and wife as we follow the ebb and flow of the city life that surrounds us.