I'm a happy person; I really am. However, the smile on my face somedays is only an image that covers part of what's going on inside.
I miss fellowship with Christian friends. I miss living in community with a body of believers. I'm dying inside, and my heart aches for so much more.
The people who know me best (aside from my family) live a minimum of 2 hours away. The people I would
trust with any area of my life aren't as easliy available as they once were.
I have a life here; God has me here for a reason. However, it's so hard to go out with friends and have shallow, empty conversations. It's hard to spend time with people who don't challenge me or encourage me to be a better person and a stronger Christian. Yes they are my friends, but I miss deep friendships.
Thankfully, despite my lack of deep friendships in my hometown, I am daily encouraged by a wonderful, God loving workplace. I may work in a public school, but the staff I work with is one of the most God-focused groups of people I know. My job is to educate children, but along with that comes the example I set for them. I know without a doubt God placed me where I am to share his love with those around me. I pray that the time I spend with my students will lead them to want to make a difference in this world. I pray that they would see God's love flowing through me, and that they would desire to know him as their personal Saviour. That prayer is what keeps me going and what keeps me desiring more of the Lord. Without his help, I cannot give these children what they deserve from me.
I may be breaking apart on the inside, but God keeps me going. Just like tonight, as I wrote this post I was interrupted by a real conversation with a true friend...a friend whom I trust, a friend whom I know will always be there for me, a friend whom I miss very much!
Thanks God for wiping my tears and providing that for me tonight :)
